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He is stubborn and frustrated due to being almost deaf, blind in one eye and has bad balance. Yes he is 91 and he thinks he is just fine (I assist him in all phases of his life). Constant pooping his pants and peeing everywhere. Forgetting important things (turning off the stove) . I can go on and on....


I need help in convincing him he needs assisted living.

I agree with Ikdrymom - assisted living is like having your own apartment with care now and then when you press your pendant... your dad is forgetting now, so would he remember to call for assistance?
Sounds to me like a memory care would be more fitting. (They are used to people with incontinence and memory loss...)

As to "convincing" dad - (are you his power of attorney ?) ANY changes at his age would be frustrating and challenging for him, to be sure... yet you could word it as such that YOU are challenged by his physical needs more and more... YOU have checked out nice, newer facilities that specialize in caring for others in his situation... and many men like himself are at these places and LOVE it. (They get lots of attention... and like 'birds of a feather' fit right in together.)
Expect some resistance due to 'change IS hard'... comfort is keeping the status quo... etc. Don't take it personally. Do what is best for HIM.

You could tour some memory care facilities in your area yourself - and see what they offer. If you are happy and convinced it is good for dad, have him evaluated as to 'where he is at' as to care needs, etc... What is his financial situation? ( Medicaid takes a while to process when applying.) What does his doctor say? Are there any VA benefits that could help dad?

As you visit places and learn more, dad might trust your care for him in this new area as well.

Just be aware that his memory will only get worse (over months... quickly) and so will his need to be cared for 24/ 7.... and that cannot only be 'you' doing everything (though I understand the pull to 'be there' for your loved one yourself...)
These places specialize in the exact care levels he needs. They are not the old-school dreaded 'nursing homes'.... far from it.

All the best ~
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Reply to RedBerryFarm
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I would try having a conversation where you talk with your father about your worries about being able to provide the care he needs or you want him to have in a timely manner and/or your safety concerns. The stress worrying about him maybe falling and not getting prompt attention or skin breakdown with tenderness and pain because he doesn't get changed/cleaned up soon enough. That you have your own health concerns and worry a lot about what happens with him if you are unable to come for a couple of days. Although cognitive decline seems to make elders more selfish, I have observed that many times seniors will still "allow" greater care to spare worry from spouses or children.
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Reply to TNtechie
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I think he needs more than assisted living. The problem here is your assistance. Of course he is living independently...because you are doing everything for him. Can you back off on some things and let him deal with the consequences? There may come a time when you are sick or unavailable....what is he going to do then?
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Reply to lkdrymom
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If he doesn't go, what are the ramifications for you? Do you have to do the cleaning up? If it's creeping into your life, then you might need to decide for him. Another idea is adult protective services. Self-neglect is something they can step in to help with.
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Reply to mgogoing
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