I’ve been spending most my time with him to make sure that he gets home cooked meals and the care that he needs. He has lost quite a bit of weight but I’m unsure why. Most the time he is too weak to do anything. He needs oxygen he gets very SOB so easy and with no exercise I know that’s making him even worse. I know he definitely needs medication management also. He needs a shower chair and a walker I know he is definitely a fall risk.

He has been going down hill so fast. On top of all this he suffers everyday from being in so much pain. I don’t think he wants to ask his doctor for anything because it just bothers him to ask but I keep telling him that he needs to tell his doctor that he is tired of suffering from hurting all over everyday and to please help him. It’s not fair he shouldn’t have to hurt every day like this. He is 76 years old with a lot of health issues. If he didn’t have all the pain that he has I feel like it would help him feel like moving around so maybe he will build up some strength. I know he has some lung disease from all the years of smoking and I don’t think I mentioned he’s a bad diabetic and will not eat the way he is suppose to. I’m sorry that I’m going from one thing to another it’s just because there is so much more that I keep remembering. I’m just so confused with his little $400 a month income that he has to live on that I won’t be able to find any answers with all of this.

I’m exhausted all the time I have my own place and I live alone but I spend 75% of my time over here with him. I’ve neglected myself and important things I just leave behind because my dad is my priority but I need help extremely but don’t know how to go about all of this because of there being so much. I am one out of 7 siblings and the only one who is doing it all. Nobody even comes to visit him except me and my niece. Eevery once in awhile my 2 sisters might drop by for 30 minutes. They don’t ever bother to ask if he needs anything or if there is anything they can do to help me out. Sorry this letter is so long I didn’t mean for it to be. I guess because just so much, if anyone has any ideas PLEASE get back with me and let me know. You have no idea how much I’d appreciate any ideas if anyone has any??? Confused....Trish

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Just FYI, there’s no waitlist for Medicaid home care in Missouri.
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Trish, he must be on Medicaid now with his income, so that should make the transition to long term care Medicaid easy. You need to go to social services and see if there is in home care available. There may or not be or there may be a waiting list, but you need to apply him for Long term care Medicaid in your state and have qualified help come in and look after him. If you tell me what city he is near I can find the local social service office for you if you'd like. If you find that there is no in home care covered under Medicaid currently available in your area then I think you need to start looking at Nursing Homes. It will be very hard for you to get him in one yourself so as Alva said the ER may be the place to bring him. The tricky thing is he lives alone so HE must be the one to tell the social worker he can't live alone (and you adamantly back him up and make it clear you cannot take care of him). If Dad insists on going home then you're going to have to turn to another plan. The hospital route is often the only way out but it really helps if he has a Medical condition and needs to be admitted for 3 days. If Dad insists on staying home and there is no in home help, you may have to call APS.
But the first thing to do is go to social services, make sure he's on LTC Medicaid and inquire about services available.
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Dad might need to go into care. He has no income at all, so he should easily qualify but the process is onerous. Very difficult.
There happens in this country what is called the "ER DUMP". It sounds awful. It is awful, but only in the sense that it is what some citizens are forced to do to get help for their elders.
Your Dad is clearly already in the system, with his O2 and other health problems ongoing. It means a trip to the ER with some trumped up thing saying that he fell or that he cannot be alone any more, and using certain key magical phrases such as "Discharge back to his home will constitute an unsafe discharge; he cannot be alone anymore and I cannot take him home". You will be manipulated by Social Services in a million ways to try to allow him to go home "with help" (which will not arrive) and with promises "We can make this work together". They can't.
There are things like meals on wheels but it is sounding, if you are there 75% of the time, as though Dad now, or soon will need more.
So sorry you are both going through this. Ours is a faulty system but it is what we have. The Social Workers can get through all the medicaid worksheets and find placement much before you ever could.
I am wishing you luck. I wish I knew of ways to prevent where it looks like this is headed. Keep up updated on what you find to do.
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First call the Area Agency on Aging. They know what resources are available and other agencies that may have benefits dad is eliminated viable for.

Has dad completed his powers of attorney and other documents to prepare for aging and incapacity?
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