She has POA. Thursday night she kicked me out of his house late evening. After asking what I wanted, I said to stay til passes. She kicked me out. Verbally abusing me, raging and swearing at me. What are my legal rights for visitation? She is irratitic and has built a reputation for verbal abuse with the different agencies involved.Dad has dementia and is unable to state what he wants.
Did you help his wife in any way? If you did, seems like she might be more welcoming. If I were in her position, and I will be soon with my husband, I wouldn’t appreciate the man’s child swooping in when he’s dying and wanting to hang around watching the spectacle.
Tell her you’re bringing dinner over for all of you tomorrow and ask if you can visit him for half an hour afterward. Then leave. Offer to get her car washed (something that’s hard to make time for when a husband is dying) and ask to visit him briefly when you bring it back. Make yourself useful instead of a problem.
This is not Burger King. You don’t get to have it your way.
You have no legal rights here. Dad's wife is his POA by choice. She gets to call the shots. Your best bet is to be very nice to her and apologize for your part in whatever happened. Let her know your only goal is to visit with dad as much as possible before he dies, that's ALL. Stay elsewhere but see if she will let you visit daily. Do you two not know one another???
I'm sorry to hear your dad is dying. Wishing you the strength and grace to treat this delicate situation with the necessary tact now. Realize this woman's husband is dying and she's likely grieving AND stressed out from all she's been through. Caring for an elder with dementia is incredibly difficult work.
And why do you refer to their house as "his" house? It's now their house.
It sounds perhaps that you're trying to stir up trouble about the house with her, and thus why she's not reacting well.
Your dad is obviously dying and your only concern should be spending as much quality time with him and leaving nothing left unsaid. And perhaps even offering to help your stepmom in whatever ways you can, instead of stirring the pot over something that is none of your concern.
If you want to stay in the city where your dad is until he dies, get a hotel room or Airbnb and go see your dad when it is convenient for all involved.
And please allow your dad to die in peace and not with his daughter and wife fighting. He deserves that much don't you think?
Death can either bring out the best or the worst in people.
There has apparently been a lot of bad feeling between you and step mom? That's a guess as we seldom get the full story in these cases.
I really think you have the right to come in now, late in this "game" if you will, and cause any disturbance to a dying Dad. I hope your memories of him are good, but likely some time ago he chose this woman and chose to make her his sole heir, so that may not be.
If you feel that you have rights here you may be granted an accompanied visitation if you reach out to APS to ask; you can also call their local police/sheriff to ask if they can accompany you on a brief visit to Dad to assess if he wants/needs you.
I am sorry. Not everything can be fixed.
If so and you have legally established that address as yours she can not "kick you out" she has to legally evict you.
If you have not been living there and have your residence elsewhere then sorry to say she can "kick you out" as this is her home and you are a visitor.
Now...you mention dad is on Hospice.
You can ask the Hospice Social Worker to help in this situation and maybe "smooth things over" so you can remain with your dad.
Now...if that does happen please be respectful. do not question or argue with your step mom, she is the primary caregiver and please realize she is under a lot of stress. It does not matter how erratic she is if you want to see your dad you kinda gotta just suck it up and go with it.
And if you did or said anything to get her to the point of "kicking you out" apologize and try to get back into "good graces" after your dad dies and the funeral is over you will not have to have her in your life if you don't want to.
My father's wife acted the same way with the exception of cussing out everybody. I have to give her that much. My sister and I would call to speak to dad during his last few weeks, and witch would snatch the phone away from him and start in on us while he was still lucid. She could have asked for help but didn't. So, i just left her alone in her nastiness. She cut off all contact with us after he died. She still resides in the family home. Everything was left to her. They created a will while he was on morphine, and she witch got everything.
I'm sorry this is happening to you at this sad time.
Anyway, I just wanted to add that sometimes it is not the biochildren's fault. My dad left home one day and did not return.
Tread lightly around stepmom. Do not argue when you go visit your dad. Try to be as calm as possible. Maybe bring lunch for her and dad. Try to keep the peace at this sad time.
Hire an attorney.
If she has a tracked history of abuse as you say, perhaps an attorney can find a way to allow you to secure visiting rights.
I wonder what your relationship has been - over the years -
- with your dad
- with stepmother
- how long has it been since you've seen him?
- When did you decide you wanted to 'move in' - and if she is ranting and swearing at you, why would you want to be living there? This doesn't make sense to me although I do not know the full story, and I understand he is your dad.
- He may not be terminal. You say you want to stay until he passes.
Sounds like some parts of this story are missing. However you proceed, take care of yourself. Document everything / all interactions with her as you can.
Gena / Touch Matters
I don't know what your legal rights are for visitation of a parent. You could try asking an elder law attorney.
If you genuinely suspect your stepmother is not honoring your father's wishes, you may ask Adult Protective Services to investigate. But tread lightly. That is a move which is guaranteed to widen the gap in your relationship with your stepmother and father, and she will likely not allow you in at all.
If your step mom just doesn't want you there 24/7, then have an adult conversation. Ask her what she desires. Talk about your wishes. Try to find a compromise that allows you to visit without creating problems in your dad - and her - home.
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