My Dad had a stroke about 14years ago. A year after the stroke my Mother passed away. Everything went down hill from there. Im at a loss as what to do. I dont live in the same state as him and have 3 children to care for as well. My brother on the other hand lives next door to him. Dads house is filthy, he doesnt bathe, and doeant eat very much either. I have tried to get him to move in with me so I can take care of him but he says NO. My brother says to just let him live the way he wants and if he doesnt want to bathe dont make him. The only thing that I can see that his wife does for Dad is to write his checks for his bills. My brother has told me that I should come there every weekend and prepare food for Dad for the week and freeze it. My husband and I do not have any family that can help with our children and I dont like them going to Dads house because of the filth. My brother says that he will never let Daddy come and live with me. I cannot for the life of understand him you would think he would be packing him up because he sure isnt taking care of him. Im at wits end. It hurts my heart so much to see him living the way he is and I dont know where to turn now. I cant get Dad to sign over POA to me. I am considering contacting protective services but I really hate to do that. Anyone else have any advice?
If you really are afraid this has become a health issue, then asking APS to check on the situation may be called for. If it is just a matter of Dad living like a slob, maybe that is just a lifestyle choice and doesn't need "fixing."
An obvious solution is to hire someone to do a thorough cleaning and then a service to do routine cleaning every couple of weeks, so it doesn't get so bad. But that depends on Dad having the money and being willing to spend it on something like this, and probably on your brother being willing to supervise.
BTW, I certainly don't think that coercing a man who doesn't want to move and will resist you will all his power on issues like bathing and the cleanliness of his room to come and live with you would be a good solution. Sorry.
I'm not an advocate of bringing in APS, but this might be a situation in which they should become involved. Your father's health is most likely affected severely from the conditions; there's no point in him having to suffer any more than he already has.
If funding is an issue, maybe it's time to consider applying for Medicaid.
Call APS.
Sounds a bit like he has a hoarding problem which could be a sign of a deeper mental health issue which would need to be addressed either way. He may have developed dementia after his stroke as well.
Self-neglect and resistance to care is always a complicated and difficult issue for families. We must respect the autonomy of our elders. They have the right like everyone else to make poor decisions!! It's only when competence is a concern that we must step in and take steps to intervene.
Either way Protective Services can partner with you to look into getting your dad some help. This is a scenario they are very familiar with and kind of why they exist in the first place.
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