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He stopped falling and is gaining weight, but his memory won't get better. I called the nursing home about once a week to see how he has been for the past week or so, and the nurses always say that he is doing very well. However anytime I visit or call he asks to be taken home because he thinks he's at the dentist, doctors, hotel, or sometimes even in Vietnam. The nurses don't mention this when I call they just say that he's confused like usual. Is it likely that phone calls from me or his wife agitate him?

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The nurses may not be aware "he wants to go home". This may only come up when you call or visit. And his home can be the one he was raised in, the first one he shared with Mom, may not be the lastnone he lived in. You are going to have to tell little white lies to keep him from getting upset.
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I should also add, I’m a long distance caregiver. my mom died back in April. Dad went into memory care. He can’t remember whether I was there 10 minutes ago or 10 months ago.

i don’t try to call him. It would be very confusing for him. Nothing to be gained by it. I do check with staff regularly. He’s in a great place, getting excellent care. I’ll be making the drive next month for a visit. He may enjoy my visit, I really can’t tell anymore. It’s all just in the moment now.
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Aj, you’re his connection to all things of the past. Your calls and visits may upset him. You’re the one he’ll carp at the most.

i had to drag both my folks into assisted living at the same time. I immediately realized that I had to really pull back and let them get adjusted to a new reality.

they both had various degrees of dementia so when I did visit I had to really divert and fib, tell them anything to keep things calm.

it ain’t easy. Hang in there. It will get better.
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Hi aj6044

The phone calls 'might' bother him for a while IF he is aware of them.

When you visit, just keep calm and say things like, "I will look into it for you", "I will check the time of departure"
In other words dont just say NO. Fob him off with kindness. He will forget fairly soon.

Make sure you still phone, if only for your own peace of mind and keep up the visits. Just be prepared.

Take care
Buzzy

I am sure you will get a lot of advice for your dilemma.
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