Background- Dad refuses to leave the house, he can’t drive but has a scooter. He also has positive cash flow, yet is a tightwad and mooches off neighbors/friends for drives to the store, doctor, etc and have pity on him. His negativity and criticism make him tough to deal with during visits, hence we only visit quarterly. He also lacks motivation to exercise, sleeps 12+ hours a day and now wants an electric wheelchair because as he puts it, “he can’t walk “. He successfully recovered from colon cancer surgery 5 years ago, but had type 2 diabetes and chronic kidney disease. Not sure where we are headed but as a family we’re extremely concerned .
These type of people you do what your doing, stay away. Do well checks with APS every so often.
You can't be more concerned about his health than he is. I would give him plenty of distance and allow his neighbors to burn out trying to cater to him. They'll figure it out, eventually. Then when they contact you, that will be the time to assess whether you should or can step in.
If he doesn't have a PoA, this is the trajectory anyway. You and your family will have no power (aka legal ability) to make him do things that are in his best interests. Even with this authority it is very difficult to get a stubborn, resistant adult to cooperate. You will either need to pursue guardianship through the courts, or report him to APS until they put him on a track for a court-assigned 3rd party legal guardian.
If someone in the family is his PoA, then this person needs to read the document. If it is "durable", then their power is active right now. If it is "springing", this usually means at least 1 formal medical diagnosis of cognitive impairment sufficient to require intervention is needed for activation.
I wish you success in seeing what healthy boundaries are in this situation.
And yes, I'm sure there will come a day when he won't be able to live on his own, and then he'll have to move himself into the appropriate facility. If you or someone else are not his POA, you won't have a say in anything anyway, so you may just have to let the state take over his care.
So for now if seeing your dad every 3 months is too much for you, perhaps you may want to cut down to just twice a year, and keep any conversations with him short and sweet.