oolee57 Asked December 18, 2017

My Dad is 95 years old and was rushed to the hospital 2 day ago with pneumonia and sepsis, he is currently in ICU. Not sure what to say when we meet with his doctors?


My father is very strong and the doctors are of course treating him with antibiotics, the doctors said he is stable and his vital are going up and down. I know he is in God's hand but I am praying my dad gets better. The doctors want to talk with myself and my family on Wednesday but it has only been a couple of day. But I also think about my Dads quality of life, not sure what to say when we meet with the doctors because I don't want them to give up on him to soon.

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BarbBrooklyn Dec 21, 2017
Oolee. How are things going with your dad?
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cdnreader Dec 18, 2017
Dear oolee,

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad's hospitalization so close to Christmas. I would try to go to the meeting with the doctor with an open mind. Maybe try and write down all your questions in advance before the meeting. If you want to bring a friend that could help in case it becomes too much. I'm with you, I would want my parent to live as long as possible. It is a hard decision. I hope your dad can give you some insight into his own wishes and go from there. Thinking of you.
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BarbBrooklyn Dec 18, 2017
I wonder if you or anyone in your family ever discussed these issues with your dad in the past? Is there a DNR or DNI? Was dad against "extraordinary measures" especially once he was given a diagnosis of dementia? How advanced is dad's dementia? Was he still able to walk, talk, eat on his own before this recently illness?
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jjariz Dec 18, 2017
By Wednesday, the docs should have a good idea if he is responding to the antibiotics. Consider if he have other diseases that might be impacted by the infections? Also ask he will be bed-bound, conscious, need a feeding tube, need a ventilator, etc? All of these things lead up to a quality of life decision. Perhaps call for a hospice consultation before you make a final choice.

Check out this link on ICU family meetings
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SueC1957 Dec 18, 2017
No one wants to loose their loved one but it is inevitable. They must pass on. It's part of life.

You brought up a very good point, your dad's quality of life. Of course, the doctors will use everything at their disposal to heal your dad. But there comes a point when there are TOO many tests, procedures and treatments, making the patient very weak and uncomfortable.

What does your dad say? Is he fighting to stay alive or has he given up? I would take my cue from him. My mom is 95 also and she says she doesn't want to live anymore. She's old and tired. We want them to be alive but also to be happy and healthy. Unfortunately, a lot of times, the two don't go together.
Prepare yourself that the doctors can only do so much. If it's God timing, there's nothing more they can do. It's hard to accept.
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