Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Hospice if he is not already on Hospice. A CNA will come 2 times a week to give him a shower or bath or a BED BATH. You can give him a bed bath yourself. And honestly that is all he probably needs. there are videos on You Tube on how to give a bed bath. Showing how to do a good job while maintaining dignity. (It should be easy to secure the catheter tube and bag to his leg though.) the question is can you safely get him in and out of the shower? Hospice would also provide you with the equipment that would allow you to safely move him. Do not stress about giving him a shower several times a week. As long as he is cleaned after toileting, or a brief change he will be fine.
By the way the comment about him saying he is ready to go. listen to him, validate what he is saying. Tell him you understand and that you will be alright and he can go when he is ready.
I like all of your answer, Alva, except when you say that YOU are now a drain on society. From this little a know of you here, you provide needed advice. You are there for your partner. I'm sure your daughter loves and needs you for as long as she gets to have you. Longevity is it's own state of being and I don't think we should insult our lives as simply a drain. But then you come back with wonderful ways for Catfish to engage in further conversation with Dad, which means some more stories will get told. And the stories need to be told, scary, depressive, happy, hopeful, whatever. One thing that comes up for me daily now that I move further into my old age is to remember how my mom handled it or how she sometimes didn't. I hope to be as brave as she was in accepting change. I hope I don't have Alzheimer's beginning in me too, but if I do, please please please I hope to be nice to those caring for me. I, personally, don't want an easy way out, but that's just me, and I have learned to understand those who do, like my dad who took his own life.
I am 83 and ready to go myself now. I would hate for my daughter to negate how I feel and think about this. I would rather she would question how I feel about it. I have had a wonderful and lucky life. Not without failures; not without challenges, but I have lived and learned, traveled and been there and done that. And to me old age is loss upon loss upon loss. Many I am experiencing and many to come. Not only have I lived a full life, but I have contributed. I am now a drain on our society at large and will become a drain more and more to concerned family members. How is all of that attractive?
So the best thing when Dad says "I am ready to go" is to ask him how he feels. Is it tough for him now physically? Mentally? What is he afraid of should he be forced to live long? What losses does he fear? What concerns him. Never negate what he says. Just tell him "Pop, I will never be ready to lose you, so don't ask that, but I would carry you with me every day I live; but tell me HOW YOU FEEL about all this aging stuff; it has to be hard".
I spent my life as an RN. Patients were OFTEN ready to go, more than that longed to go and lived now only in fear of pain and loss and their family standing forced witnesses to it all. They would tell me they tried to discuss this with family and family would not hear if, would just slide into that "Well, let's talk about GETTING BETTER, not about going". They negated their reality. How truly cruel.
So be honest. Say "It hurts to hear you say you want to leave me, but I understand how hard it is now for you. Can you tell me more". If he says "I am only a burden now" then tell him that he is more to you than a burden, that yes, there are times it is hard for YOU as well, but it must have been hard for HIM when you were a tiny burden yourself. So it can be tough and full of joy and love all at the same time. One things doesn't cancel the other.
Best to your loving heart! Know that with an indwelling catheter a patient can easily shower. If this is implanted suprapubic that's another thing and you will call the doc for more information.
Get dad a hospice evaluation stat. They will have a CNA out to bathe him 2x per week and an RN out to see him once a week. They also have a chaplain to help with other issues either of you are having.
When my mother told me she wanted to die, I would tell her I understood and empathized with her. But that it was up to God as to when her time would come. Hospice gave her calming meds and or pain meds as needed.
Much as I told my bro, like me an atheist, that we just didn't get to say when we got to go. Unless we wanted to go through that whole final exit thing (and I am way into that). So we had to learn to lean on one another and muster through; another hard time upon us, leaning on one another for support.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
A CNA will come 2 times a week to give him a shower or bath or a BED BATH.
You can give him a bed bath yourself. And honestly that is all he probably needs.
there are videos on You Tube on how to give a bed bath. Showing how to do a good job while maintaining dignity.
(It should be easy to secure the catheter tube and bag to his leg though.) the question is can you safely get him in and out of the shower?
Hospice would also provide you with the equipment that would allow you to safely move him.
Do not stress about giving him a shower several times a week. As long as he is cleaned after toileting, or a brief change he will be fine.
By the way the comment about him saying he is ready to go. listen to him, validate what he is saying. Tell him you understand and that you will be alright and he can go when he is ready.
So the best thing when Dad says "I am ready to go" is to ask him how he feels. Is it tough for him now physically? Mentally? What is he afraid of should he be forced to live long? What losses does he fear? What concerns him.
Never negate what he says. Just tell him "Pop, I will never be ready to lose you, so don't ask that, but I would carry you with me every day I live; but tell me HOW YOU FEEL about all this aging stuff; it has to be hard".
I spent my life as an RN. Patients were OFTEN ready to go, more than that longed to go and lived now only in fear of pain and loss and their family standing forced witnesses to it all. They would tell me they tried to discuss this with family and family would not hear if, would just slide into that "Well, let's talk about GETTING BETTER, not about going". They negated their reality. How truly cruel.
So be honest. Say "It hurts to hear you say you want to leave me, but I understand how hard it is now for you. Can you tell me more".
If he says "I am only a burden now" then tell him that he is more to you than a burden, that yes, there are times it is hard for YOU as well, but it must have been hard for HIM when you were a tiny burden yourself. So it can be tough and full of joy and love all at the same time. One things doesn't cancel the other.
Best to your loving heart!
Know that with an indwelling catheter a patient can easily shower. If this is implanted suprapubic that's another thing and you will call the doc for more information.
When my mother told me she wanted to die, I would tell her I understood and empathized with her. But that it was up to God as to when her time would come. Hospice gave her calming meds and or pain meds as needed.
Best of luck.