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The last time I was on this site I had asked about memory care well I decided to get dad into a MC place that I felt comfortable with. He has Parkinson’s dementia and the sundowners was absolutely heartbreaking I tried so long to take care of him you can’t imagine how hard it was to let him go to facility. (Well I am sure most of you do) well he wasn’t there 48 hours and broke his hip had it replaced moved him to a rehab for therapy and two weeks later broke his femur on same leg. Now he is really confused and has lost at least 20 pounds in a month eating but have to feed him talks out of his head most of the time and wants to sleep hard to keep awake. He isn’t on much meds but still suffers from sundowners and always trying to get up without assistance can’t make him understand he isn’t able without help. I have fought for him so long now it’s like doctors don’t know what to say or do. My heart is in the way sometimes of me being realistic of where we are heading it’s like no one wants to tell me the facts anymore. How do I know when I should just let him rest instead of going to doctors and fighting to get help that’s what I feel I am doing?


We lost mom 2016 and I don’t want to let go, you know none of us do.


I was raised by a wonderful single mom and I remember praying for a dad until I was 6 and I finally got one. He was and still is larger than life to me we didn’t have much, but family was all you could ask for. I have to do everything I can for him just losing my direction now. Don’t know what to do or expect. Any information helpful if you have been through this. Thank you.

Does your father have an Advance Medical Directive? Did he discuss his wishes with your others before he got sick? Is he still able to provide you with his wishes on treatments? Are you the Healthcare POA? My LO sustained multiple falls and fractures after her dementia diagnosis too. It was a very difficult road, so, I do understand your angst and concern.

Have you discussed his diagnosis and prognosis with his doctor? Is his doctor well versed in Parkinson's and dementia? It would help if he is. Those health care providers who are not well versed, may not fully appreciate how a person with dementia functions. They often don't get why a person with dementia continues to forget that they can't walk, get up and fall again.

Getting the truth about the situation would seem helpful to me. I asked questions about my LO's condition and was able to learn that she was not going to recover from her condition,. I read a lot about her condition in professional literature as well has had discussions with health care professionals, MC professionals, social workers, etc. All of this lead me to the decision to go with Palliative Care, which is comfort care only for my LO. This is what she always wanted if she should be in this situation. Later, after substantial decline, her doctor recommended Hospice and that's where we are now.

I hope you can help with your questions and are able to make these decisions with peace in your mind about it.
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So sorry you are having such a difficult time with your father. Don't let the mental confusion get to you too much because pain, medications, trauma and anesthesia can cause a temporary confusion that will clear as your father improves. My father was very confused each time he woke from a sleep in a strange hospital/rehab room and would start to get out of the bed. I sat near the end of the bed where he could see me and would ask "Where are you going Dad?" and he would look at me for a few seconds, relax back into the bed and say "No where I guess." If you can manage to have a rotating round of people he knows sit with him and provide this recognition on waking you may find he tolerates treatment much better.

Elders with broken hips often struggle immediately after surgery because it is a major operation. My mother had a scheduled total hip replacement in her mid 60s when her general health was excellent and it still took her about a year to fully recover. Your father is likely going to make a partial/good recovery or he may possibly succumb to complications. Most of that is in God's hands. You speak of letting him rest or going to doctors. I would think your father needs a lot of rest recovering from the surgeries and limited outings to visit doctor's offices.
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