My dad had a heart attack 3 months ago and always feeds my dogs. My husband's tired of it and wants him to leave. How do I deal with him?


How do I deal with a husband that always makes excuse towards my dad? I'm confused hurt and torn.



What level of care does your dad need? Is his stay with you intended to be a recovery period, or when he moved in was it intended to be permanent. Could Dad live alone with some help? How are his finances -- can he support himself on his income? Where was he living before he moved in with you?

Does Dad have other impairments in addition to heart problems? Does he show any signs of dementia, for example?

Why does Dad continue to feed the dogs if he has been asked/told not to? Is this a power play? Is his attitude "you can't tell me what to do?" or can't be remember the rules about the feeding? Is he deliberately causing conflict?

Did you and Hubs together make the decision to invite Dad to live with you?

Please provide us a little more background information, to get more specific advice/comments.
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Reply to jeannegibbs

Your husband's feelings come first. If Dad has money find a nice AL otherwise file for Medicaid.

Over feeding dogs or feeding them the wrong thing is serious. If Dad has been told over and over I can see why husband could be upset.

Did you set boundaries with Dad? Are you making excuses for him? Is he able to understand what you need from him. My Dad was the type of person to do things just to get your goat. Remember, it's your husbands home and he has a right to be happy in it.
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Reply to JoAnn29

Wow if all my dad had done was feed the animals I would have been thrilled. I think the issue here is her Hubs anger. It is hard when a parent moves in, more so if there was no real advance notice, and you probably had none as dad had a heart attack. My mom got ill, and she and dad had to move in with my hubs and I.. quickly. I had always "talked" about knowing one set or the other would probably move in with us, it is the reason I bought a dang large house.. but hubs always avoided these conversations ( he is sometimes a "head in the sand" kind of guy) Sure enough,, it happened! He was all shocked.. ( go figure) but we have managed to work it out, and its over 3 years now ( dad passed a few years ago) It is stressful, but maybe have a good sit down with your hubs (first) and see what is really bothering him,, then see if you and dad can come with any ways to make this easier. Hubs may be feeling invaded, or like he is no longer the "man of the house", or be jealous of the attention he thinks your dad is getting. Good luck!
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Reply to pamzimmrrt

Fourlove are you asking how to deal with your husband or father?
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Reply to Veronica91

Hello and welcome, Fourlove.

So your father is living in your home, it's been three months now, and your husband is beginning to find it too much so he picks up on points like your father's giving the dogs too many treats or feeding them at the dining table, things like that?

This is a really stressful situation for all of you, I'm very sorry you're going through it. Would you like to share a bit more about the background? What happened when your father became ill, why did you and your husband decide your father should come and stay with you, that kind of thing?
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Reply to Countrymouse

Do you have a question?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn