My dad died after a horrible year of stress and very little sleep for me. Relieved he is not suffering, but I can’t sleep over 5 hours Help!

You might try Holy Basil pills. You can find them at the health food store. They are OTC.

Dantala ,you have my condolences a father passing away. We know eventually all parents will pass away sooner or later. But getting to your question about the non-sleep. Yes you program your body to jump up at every movement slight sleep no sleep to answer the call for your father. I had similar ones mother wouldn’t sleep at night , ( daytime nighttime mixed up )
I too is a nighttime worker who worked all night to 21:00 to 0500.
Here’s my suggestion Danalta possible go upstairs to your bedroom two hours before your bedtime of your choice turn the lighting down in the bedroom it’s too bright , if you have a television in there leave it off. Then go to the bathroom and prepare yourself a nice hot bath as hot as you can stand it maybe with a little lavender sea salt in the tub or lavender drops essential drops . Breathe in and out relax. Then return to your bedroom and get into bed deep breathing in with your nose & slowly piercing releasing air it out through lips and try next time . If mind starts to wonder every time you think you breathe. If not sometimes you can have melatonin green tea or Sleepytime tea. But your best bet is to put that monitor away leave the Television off . If you like to walk walk a couple hours before bedtime outside it helps .
This won’t be a quick fix but you’re fine you’re still doing it more often and relax
feel like you need to release cry cry you took care of father and you did a job well done. Your sleep pattern will eventually come back
Signing off Brown, Sugar

I can relate to this. Not sure what is going on but I simply cannot get to sleep when I go to bed around l a.m Sometimes I am out quick but awake around 3:30 a.m. and finally get up and work or read, etc. Of course then I can't get up but after a necessary ten hours, I do awake and am raring to go. I have heard (not sure if this is o.k.) that you try to go one day without any sleep so you are very, very tired and can get to bed earlier. Whatever amount of sleep you need to get, get that and force your way up. Do this and over time you will adjust your body. And while I don't like it, consider sleeping pills on certain days. It makes life so great for me the next day when I can't sleep through the night.

Occasionally I will have a hard time getting to sleep...this one year after my mom died...very intense. I have 2 online suggestions. One is to download the free app Relax Rain...lots of variations on rain...choose one and it will play all night. Very relaxing for me living in Arizona! The other is an online meditation instructor...just google Phylicia and Alo together and you will get some lovely meditations by a woman named Phylicia who works for a yoga company Alo. She does this sound thing that is VERY soothing.

Hope this helps.

1) Ask your Dr for a short course of a sleeping tablet that lasts the 8 hours, not one that just knocks you out because you cannot drop off. Hopefully a couple of weeks or so and it will train your body back into its previous normal rythm.
2) This is quite the opposite of what we are told to do but works for me so is just something to try - stay up until 12, 1 O'clock doing mentally stimulating puzzles. We are always told to do something quiet before sleeping to slow our brains down, but I find the opposite works, if I do puzzles until my brain feels tired I have no trouble sleeping.

I hope you find something that helps - after such a stressful time you need to be able to not feel tired during the day.

You ARE shell shocked and it takes awhile for your body to relax and adjust to new rhythms. Ever leave a fast-moving workplace and try to take just a week's vacation? By the last day your body finally figures out how to relax. Let it happen normally. Turn over and go back to sleep, without looking at your phone or a clock. They say the accumulation of sleep is more important than how many times you are interrupted during the night. I'm currently putting on soft tropical music an hour before bedtime to get my pets to wind down. Worked for my sister's kids too.

My condolences on the death of your father. That grieving process takes awhile too.

I hear you and understand. Aside from the normal end of day things that relax you, talk to a doctor and get some very mild sleeping pills until your body is more at peace and you can get your sleep pattern back to normal. That is what I do and it works.

I have dealt with this for years.  The three things I have tried that have worked the best are:  No caffeine, at least some exercise (walking, cycling, yoga) and after I get ready for bed, I read.  It has to be a good book that will hold my attention and I make sure it's fiction. LOL.  I get plenty of reality all day long.  I make sure not to take anything that is on the "bad drug" list, meaning linked to dementia.  A dementia specialist told me once never to take anything to turn your brain off (make you go to sleep).  He said exercise, reading, therapy, whatever it takes, but do not take pharmaceuticals to go to sleep. 

This stage of life is very stressful.  Losing parents and spouses and caregiving in general can take its toll on a person...physically, mentally, financially.  And this whole living longer thing....it doesn't amount to a hill of beans if you don't have quality of life and you're breaking down the family around you who are killing themselves trying to take care of you.

I am sorry you are so stressed.  Time will help.  Take care.

Sorry for the loss of your dad.

ANY habit, good or bad, will take time to break. When used to working regular hours, one wakes up at the same time on the weekend! When you've been doing this for a year, it is going to take a while. It is different than just waking up for a job - you had to be ready to jump and run when he needed you, so that will compound the issue.

I worked with a woman many years ago who could not sleep without the fan running - summer, winter, didn't matter. She got so used to the "noise" that she needed to run it all the time!

Like you, I am more of a night owl - preference is up until 2am, sleep later in the morning! That doesn't work well when you have a 9-5 job and kids!

What you have to start with is consistency. Try going to bed at the same time every night, even if it's 2am (assuming you aren't working that is!) No heavy foods before bed. Sometimes I find myself tense when I lie down, so I take a deep breath, try to relax all extremities, and feel yourself sink into the mattress. The phone probably isn't a good idea - put it aside, if you can. I've had people say read something boring, but all that does is bore me! I try reading something I like and usually fall asleep pretty quick.

If you fall asleep, but wake after a few hours, try the relaxation trick. Get your mind onto something peaceful, say a field of grazing sheep and try counting them! Banish any thoughts that require actually thinking or worrying, just something relaxing. Picture yourself on a warm sandy beach, listening to the waves roll in. As someone else said, if you can't get back to sleep right away, get up, do some simple activities, then try again. Each time reduce the amount of time on the activities.

It won't happen right away. It is going to take some time for your body to readjust. The more times you can get yourself back to sleep quickly, the sooner you might be able to get more hours in, uninterrupted.

I still have the "mom" alert active - baby crying or toddler softly saying 'mom' would have me up in an instant! It still works for me, but it's a cat trying to get up a fur ball that gets me now, even from the other end of the house! I will get up, but once it's dealt with, back to bed, usually asleep in no time!

Some good aerobic exercise (think a nice brisk walk) during the day can help as well. Just don't do it right before bed time!

You've been doing this for at least a year. It may take that long to undo it, but trying various techniques everyone has suggested might help slowly improve your time asleep.

I had a sick child and I felt the same way. There's a reason sleep deprivation is used as torture. I said he completely broke my ability to sleep. He's 20 and healthy now thank God but the first few years were hell. It took a long long time, and I never regained my pre-kids ability to sleep but I did learn to sleep better over the years. You have been through a war and yes your body (and brain) is shell shocked. It will take some time for your life to normalize. You also have grief to contend with. When my mother died, I felt peace. For her, for me. But I still grieve for her and especially the first few months I would have dreams about her. Some wonderful and others panicking because I thought she needed me. The grief alone can mess up your sleep. My mom's been gone 9 months and I'm still working through it.
One tip I learned is when you wake up, don't get on your phone. Say, I'm going to lie here for 10 minutes (15 whatever works) and if I'm not asleep, I will GET UP. Then if you're still awake, get up and go watch tv or water the plants or whatever, even if it's 2am. Sometimes it would take hours but eventually the fatigue would kick in and then I could go back to bed. Over time, I could get up and watch tv or do household chores for 30-60 minutes and then go back to bed. It beats lying in bed miserably waiting for sleep to come.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope it improves soon.

A lot of us can relate. Try 5 mg of Melatonin. That really helped me both before and after my mother passed away last November. Good luck.....things do improve with time. Your central nervous system needs time to recover from the near constant panic mode you've been in for so long.

I feel for your situation, as I went through 7 years with my dad and the constant calls for various reasons due to his Alzheimer's, the begining was because he would not admit he had issues so calls for his wandering and such. Then he was in a lockdown facility and began having falls. When he died I thought I would return to a normal sleep pattern, however, much to my disappointment, my sleep patterns did not adjust as quickly as hoped. I sought out advise from my PCP and he had me do meditation and other techniques to help me return to a normal sleep pattern. Regrettably, when I finally returned to a relatively normal sleep pattern, my husband was diagnosed with Parkinson's and i am now caring for him and the waking up at all hours have returned as i need to help him get to and from the toilet, he refuses to use an adult diaper at least for now. I also suffer from chronic pain. I still meditate and have stopped having any caffeine during the waking hours, have no foods that turn to sugars or are sugary this does provide me with some relaxation and calm. I speak with a therapist and went for a sleep study test, I do not have a good REM sleep pattern. My mind just does not shut down due to the panic that emergency will occur.
I don't suggest you take OTC items without first checking with your PCP as to the safety of its use for your health care.
Guve yourself time. It can take several months to years to reset your clock from the sleep.
It is kind if like a mom who has kids, as babies they wake up several times per night, as they get older they wake less, but, they await for the sound of crying.
Twake a break, a mini vacation. Get lots of sunshine or bright lights, avoid the blue Ray's as much as possible. Don't take naps, exhaust yourself in a way that is healthful. Walking, etc. Talk with a friend and join a support group.

Best wishes.

A little Nyquil. Or some such. I'm serious.
My mom passed 6 mo. ago, after 9 months of worsening chf. Slept w phone literally next to me as she was in & out of hospital and icu. I was her caregiver when she was home, so I too was up all hours.
Before she died (suddenly, at the rehab) I slept very lightly, always worried. Afterwards, I tossed all night. Could not get to sleep. A small dose of over the counter meds that cause a little drowsiness helped me, just saying. Time is starting to help also. In fact sleep is my escape, when I wake up is when the reality hits me that she's gone.

You are going through a period of adjustment. Each person is unique and will adjust to life changes differently. Can you exercise before bedtime? Do you like to watch television in bed? Do you like to listen to music before you sleep? Can you call a friend and talk before going to sleep? Do you like to pray? How about an internet game? A hot bath always helps me. Try different things to help yourself, and you find it. May God Bless You.

I cared for my wife who suffered from seizures at home in Hospice care with full time aides 24/7 that I paid out of pocket for 2 1/2 years at a cost of $250,000. She passed June 4, 2019 leaving me alone after 69 years of marriage and 9 children. It has not been an easy time, but sleep has never been a problem because of a trick I used to put my mind to sleep seconds after hitting the pillow.

Actually, it wasn't a trick but a 'mantra' that worked for me then and still does today. Years ago my Mom developed Alzheimer's. When I took her to be examined by a doctor, he asked her to count down from 100 by 7's. She could not do it. I figured that if I learned to count backwards by 7's that someday it might help if I was ever asked the same question.

So every night for many years I have done the count without error and immediately fall asleep. I found what the count does is eliminate thoughts that would otherwise keep me awake. I did that for the 2 1/2 years she was sick and am still doing it today. It puts me right to sleep. I do it in the morning as well just to see how fast I can - and to ward off Alzheimer's for me. . . There is another trick I learned about treating Alzheimer's, which is adding a tablespoon of Cocoanut Oil oil to my morning coffee. I learned that in a 12 hour long seminar on avoiding Alzheimer's. Apparently the oil clears the plaque in the brain that inhibits blood flow and more.
Try it and it may work for you, too. . .

I am sorry to hear this. I can imagine the toll this is taking. I am not there (yet), but my son who has epilepsy has had an awful time going to sleep because his seizures were always at night and his uncle died of a nighttime seizure. His epilepsy is well controlled now but his sleep patterns are a mess.

We have figured out with him the best way for him to sleep. 1 - no electronics one hour before bed, 2 - melatonin, 3 - a warm shower, 4 - a paper book (not too action packed). Reading always puts him out. Just an idea.

I had the a similar experience after having to be by the bedside of my husband, and jump when he needed help 24X7. My sleep patterns were completely thrown off. After years of trying everything... I have found a solution that supported my body fall asleep easily and sleep through the night. It feels like a miracle it has felt impossible for so long.

I am so sorry to learn about the difficult last year with your dad. It seems you have "trained" your body to wake up - alert and ready for problems - over that year. This may be the reason you can not a full night of sleep or wake up refreshed.

Please schedule an appointment with your primary care doctor. Start keeping a journal to document your sleep patterns: time you go to bed, time you get up in the morning, difficulty falling asleep, difficulty staying asleep, evening routines 1-2 hours before bed. Expect that your primary care provider will make a referral to a sleep specialist. All those notes will help to pinpoint the problems in your wake/sleep cycle. The specialist can prescribe medications to help you fall asleep and stay asleep. He/she may also prescribe cognitive behavioral therapy to "re-train" your brain to help you achieve better rest.

Imho, it may take you some time to adjust to your new normal, if you will. Unfortutantely, you had to adapt to a pattern of somehow getting by on very little sleep and God bless you tenfold for doing so. Other than using medication to sleep (I don't advocate that - too difficult to get off), you could try soothing cups of tea, warm milk, limit drinks and food earlier in the day/early evening, eliminate blue light and have a cool bedroom. Prayers sent.

60 answers in 3 days! I haven’t read all of them, so ignore this if it’s come up already. Find another place to sleep. If possible, go away for a few days. If that’s not possible, sleep in another room, even if it means putting a mattress on the floor. The more ways you can change the things that have become automatic, the more likely you are to succeed in breaking the habit..

Bless you for the care you gave your dad. Unfortunately, the 24/7 supersonic hearing comes with the job.

How great to have a sleep therapist respond to you a few posts back! Sound advise, I'm sure.

Also, sitting in the morning sunshine (even in your car on the way to work) is an important component of re/establishing your circadian rhythm.

I would caution you with the multiple suggestions of taking melatonin. The 10mg(?) as suggested by someone is waaay too much to begin with, if at all. Melatonin supplements can have adverse side effects and interfere with some medications and health conditions (I speak from experience). Check out this link from the Mayo clinic:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/expert-answers/melatonin-side-effects/faq-20057874

Hope you can get into your sleep groove soon!

Find yourself some relaxing/stress relieving music to play softly before going to bed with the lights dim. take some melatonin about an hour before bed, drink some warm milk or tea with honey. definitely keep phone out of room and silenced so you are not disturbed. It might take some time to unwind mentally after such a stressful year. Not sure how old you are, but as woman are post menopausal (personally for me) it doesn't seem like I sleep a full nights sleep without waking to use bathroom or just restless some nights. Be mindful of what you watch on tv before bed (nothing too stimulating) or on the computer. put some lavender in a sachet box or something like that also in your room (IF it doesn't bother you) to help you relax. wishing you luck but it will take time.

I am so sorry you’ve had to go through this. I know how you feel. My father died about 2 years ago. He was 94. Very healthy until wife passed away when he was 89. .The problem was he placed absolutely no trust in family for his care. He refused to talk ...and I mean absolutely...about any health issues let alone end of life wishes. One day while he was in hospital, I told him he was very ill and he needed to talk with someone about his wishes. Never spoke to me. After 3rd time of being admitted to hospital in 8 days from rehab because of temp/sepsis, I had to be the one to make grueling decisions which have left me forever scarred. Maybe a bit of counseling/med to help you sleep. You will get through this. It will take time

A smart routine involving physical activity, nice diet, and appointed hours to rest, if possible, will eventually return your system to an agreeable compromise. Reading typically helps the mind unwind, perhaps not too interesting literature because a great book personally keeps me turning pages, but a lesser thrilling subject seems to allow sleep to present itself. Soft, low sound light classical music helps the mind to gain tranquility, a proven method that alleviates and bring relief, kind of like a cleansing of sorts. Wish you a speedy recovery, sorry for your loss, and remembering at all times that when we punched in our time card, a day we will also have to sign out, just a fact of this life. The saddest to see loved ones depart first in no particular order sometimes. I gladly would have traded my life for a couple of people that left sooner than expected.

BLESS YOU. I lost my Mom this month. My heart is with you. It will take months or a year for you to completely “DE-program”. That’s stress. Wear it like a badge of honor for obviously being there for your Dad.

Did you ever think that your dad didn't appreciate all you did? He may not have said it to you but I think in his heart he may have been thinking to himself I don't know what I would do without her. You did the best you could for dad so you should not have any regrets. I wish that I could talk to you in person because it seems as if we share similar experiences. I took care of my dad and listened for his footsteps in the morning so I could cook him breakfast gave him his heart medicine. ll my family thought I would go to pieces from grief but I did not because I strongly believe I did the best I could, have no regrets and I have peace in my heart. Now it's your turn to have a peaceful night's sleep and peace in your heart, Email me if you want to talk. I'm wiling to listen

I encourage you to get grief counseling. After we lost our son, we did that and found it to be very helpful.. Ours was through our local Hospice, but there are a number of available resources most places. We have encouraged others to do that after losing lost ones and they all have found it beneficial.

You have been through a lot and there is certainly nothing wrong with getting some assistance.

Best of luck to you

I'm going through the same thing. Being my dad's anchor throughout his dementia, dialysis, heart attack, chf, and everything else, it feels like I lost my son. I miss him. Not many believe that being his caregiver was the best time of my life. I guess when someone takes a piece of your heart with them when they pass away, it's going to hurt. The pain shows how important they were to you and that's not a bad thing at all.

Hello Dantala,
Bless you for being so good to your dad. I am a registered Sleep technologist and sleep can be complicated. You need to establish exact sleep and wake times, even if you can't get to sleep on time. No caffeine or alcohol at all.Remove the phone, put into another room. Room should be completely dark and cool, wear socks if your feet are cold. If you can't get to sleep within 30 min, get up and sit in a nearby chair, in the dark, no phone. Sit until you feel yourself getting sleepy, then get back in bed. Set your alarm for the same time every morning, even if you feel tired. Get up at same time every day! This is very important to setting your sleep patterns. Your body will gradually adjust. Best of luck.

You've been through a tough year. Kudos to you! You may still be grieving the loss of your father. And losing your status as a caregiver may also be taking a toll. It takes time to decompress after a year like that. Standard advice is to exercise during the day, and I think it's better to exercise outdoors if you can, or if you're indoors, open the windows to get fresh air. Even walking can make a difference. You'll have to rebuild your life to get new routines and new goals. Be good to yourself and do things that make you feel happy. Make sure you're eating healthy foods and if possible cut back on sugar and salt and anything that might have caffeine (soft drinks, etc.). Specifically for the sleep issue, I take extra calcium and magnesium before I go to bed, and also use homeopathic or natural sleep aids for a night or two if I'm having difficulty sleeping. It seems to get my body back on a better routine. Talk to your doctor or nutritionist about it.