My dad, dementia or nasty to the bone? -

My dad, dementia or nasty to the bone?


At 82 he was hospitalized for overdose of medication. Addicted. Causing a bleeding ulcer. I gave the doctor a list of un-normal behavior my dad does. They tested him and told me he passed and it is not dementia. So he returned home. I know he was always nasty/evil but I thought why not test him. After a recent fall, he's back in the hospital and now they're telling me he is no longer fit to come home. He has dementia especially after what I had told them. Why do I feel guilty like as if I incriminated him? I know he was always nasty/evil ever since I know him and yes he has gotten worse and intolerable with age. He now is more addicted, blames every one, steals, aggressive, he had this but it has become more and more intense. Still I wonder if giving a list of bad behavior's was right, when in reality every one knows it's his bad character and maybe I'm just fed up. Help



Thanks again for all your support. My mom is living home and is happy about the situation. We are seeking legal help to transfer the finances. Hugs to you all.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Catherine55

Are you saying that not long ago it was found he had no dementia and now they say he does? Is he going to rehab? While in rehab he can be evaluated for long term nursing. If his nastiness is not something you can tolerate any longer then have him placed. If Dementia is the problem, it will only get worse. Talk to the Social Worker about finances. If he doesn't have any money then apply for Medicaid.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JoAnn29

Thanks everyone!! Thanks a million. I am comforted by your kind words. My mom is alive and being that he is agressive she was worried he would get worse as the doctors say. So shes actually happy that he's not going back home. Good evening everyone:))
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Catherine55

(((((Hugs)))))), Catherine. I hope the wise advice given here helps you understand that you have no culpability and no guilt here.

Let us know how you're getting on. We care!
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn

The sort of medications that would classically cause a bleeding ulcer would be the aspirin family - ibuprofen, diclofenac, Naproxen, all the NSAIDs. They are commonly abused, as in misused, but I'd describe their overuse as a habit rather than an addiction in the classic sense of the word. Drugs of this sort aren't mind-altering in the way that opiates and benzodiazepines and their ilk are, and the "dependency" that people might develop is also different.

It is extremely frustrating, I agree, when one's parent uses analgesics irresponsibly and ends up in hospital; and all the more so as I can testify when that parent has lied through (her) teeth about symptoms for over a week. Grrr. But I should be over that episode by now.

On the other hand I don't think you're in any sense "over" the experiences your father has put you through, Catherine, are you?

So I look at your question, is this dementia or just an appalling individual being himself, and wonder what sort of response you're expecting that might help.

It is, of course, quite possible for not terribly lovable people to develop dementia. And, if they do, aren't they entitled to the same quality of care and support as any other sufferer?

The information you provided to your father's medical team was important to making sure he will get the kind of support he needs. Like Jeanne, I can't see how doing that could be grounds for guilt on your part.

So you've got the ball rolling, which was the right thing to do. If I may say so, your obvious anger towards your father probably makes it best if you now draw a line and step back from direct involvement in his care.

Is your mother still living? Are you anxious about other family members and the impact your father might still have on them?
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Countrymouse

Well said, Jeanne and Eyerishlass. Good points made.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to GardenArtist

I imagine at some point you have given your father's doctor's a list of his physical symptoms. A list of behavioral symptoms is necessary information for the doctor's to have to get a complete picture of what's going on with your dad. They can't treat him if they don't have all the facts and that's what you gave them. Please don't blame yourself. You've done nothing wrong.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Eyerishlass

Medical professionals need to know the whole picture so they can use their skills to come up with the best course of action for their patients. You provided some of that picture. That was the right thing to do. Good for you!

Dementia is a medical diagnosis. It is not a criminal offense. Discovering that someone has dementia is not "incriminating" them. If you told the medical staff about a loved one's behaviors and it turns out she has diabetes, would you feel guilty?

Knowing that someone who is addicted to drugs also has dementia helps determine a realistic approach for his treatment. In this case the professionals have determined that your dad cannot improve at home and (probably) that he is a risk to himself or others. That has nothing to do with his bad character or your role in this. Objectively it is not responsible of them to send him home. They must uphold the standards of their profession.

Accept the diagnosis. Accept that it isn't your fault. And move on.

Where will Dad be going? Do you want to have continuing contact with him?
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to jeannegibbs