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I know he is afraid of falling or slipping in shower. He has fallen in the past and thank God all he got was a few scrape and bruises. We have installed hand rails, put non slip in shower, got him a shower chair, even installed hand held shower nozzle with easy on and off and still he refuses to shower. We have assured him it's safe and that we will help him or be on stand by if he needs help. My Dad is fighting with dementia we all see him declining. I have moved in with him and have full family support with his care we just can't get him to shower. We have all explained the need to clean our bodies & why we have to do it. Dad has always been a clean well groomed man and his pride has always been over the top which has caused some issues but not anything we couldn't handle. I forgot to mention also he will not go to the doctors either so if he did have a UTI we wouldn't know till he was to sick to refuse to go in emergency. So any suggestions on the bathing situation??
High n Dry
IN So Cal

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When my Dad wouldn't let his caregiver help him with a shower, thus refused to take a shower for days, she put hands on her hips and said "Mr. Bob, I raised a houseful of boys, there is nothing I haven't seen". That got Dad laughing, and it was smooth sailing after that.

The caregiver used what was called a "therapeutic fib" which she found worked in her many years of experience as a professional caregiver. Oh, she never had a houseful of boys :)
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Fear of falling is common. You've done a good job of providing the safety items that will (should) provide safety and comfort. But maybe it's not the shower itself. Maybe it's an issue of modesty. Is there another male that could help him? Maybe it's about his dignity. Being helped to shower can seem childish to him. You want him to shower, he doesn't want to shower. Now we're in a power struggle that he isn't going to loose. Go to YouTube and search “Alzheimer's and bathing”. There are a ton of videos.
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Elderly lose depth perception. Buy a bright colored mat and decals is what PT/OT said to do in my situation.
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Get some uniformed home care or nursing assistants in. They will probably start small, bringing him a bowl and encouraging him to wash bits of himself and helping with the parts he can't reach; then step by step get him used to using the bathroom; then you get the shower assessed by an OT who will go through his own routine with him and identify any risks; and then after that the aides will encourage him to follow the OT's guidelines; and with any luck, you'll have his schedule back to something like what he has been used to.

You will spot immediately that the key difference is that all family members stay RIGHT out of it!
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You can explain until you're blue in the face, dementia prevents your father from being able to understand reason. He needs help in the shower to feel safe, whether he wants it or not. It's never safe for a demented elder inside a shower stall alone....ever. Even with help, they can and do still fall quite often. Trust me.

The water shoes NeedHelpWithMom is referencing I purchased on Amazon.com. Just search men's water shoes. My mother hadn't fallen for about a year after I ordered her a pair, but had an incident just last week in spite of her shower looking like a literal fortress and having a caregiver in the bathroom with her. She lost her balance 3x and reinforcements had to be called in to keep her safe. Soon she'll have to be moved to a nursing home where she can be wheeled into the shower in her wheelchair without having to move.

Watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube discussing techniques to help demented elders feel safe and protected in the shower. She's very good.

Good luck
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2021
So sorry that your mom is experiencing these falls.

Thank goodness that you did not try to care for your mom in her home or your home.

You could have never handled so many falls on your own. Plus, your mom has many other issues that would make it impossible to do home caregiving.

It is very wise to place a parent in either assisted living or a nursing home.

When I was touring facilities, the staff told me that they advised placement to be done before it was needed. That way the resident would have time to adjust before it became necessary. I agree with this advice.
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There is a long time poster who came up with a brilliant solution for a parent who has fear in the shower.

She bought water shoes for her mom.

Maybe this could work for your dad. It’s worth a try.
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An article from the home page of this website:

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-help-with-bathing-and-personal-hygiene-top-tips-from-caregivers-212010.htm
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