I have told my FIL he would never have survived as a postpartum mom. For the record, FIL doesn't have dementia, maybe some age related decline - he's almost 90 (but is also a true narcissist, if that matters). But otherwise according to his doctors he's mentally competent. He thinks if he doesn't go AT LEAST once a day - but his actual gold standard is twice - that he is constipated. He asks for a laxative (not fiber but an actual strong laxative) every single day.
(P.S. he doesn't get one at home, but unfortunately he has been given one at the rehab facility that he has been in since the end of November and he is coming home next week....we may have to call his doctor to figure out how to wean him because that may be a genuine medical issue - he may actually get constipated for the first time in his life coming off of laxatives every single day for 2 months)
Additionally - like NeedHelp's husband's grandmother - he has no filter and for some reason thinks bathroom talk is totally appropriate dinner conversation. We used to combine families for dinners. My grandmother refuses to eat with him anymore due to his stellar conversation skills (and his equally lovely table manners)
The absolute worst was the night we were at dinner and he went into complete detail, and now that he is hearing aid dependent but refuses to wear them, didn't realize (or just didn't care) that his conversation was very....audible. We were trying to get him to lower his voice....or you know....STOP. The dining room was fairly empty thank goodness. But from where I was sitting I could tell that the lady sitting at a table across the way could hear every word he was saying. She had gone white as a sheet and put her fork down. She was already very gracious about his lack of table manners (for which we had to leave an over the top tip for the poor waitress, because WE offered to clean up the aftermath and she wouldn't let us - there is a reason we just can't take him out besides his lack of mobility and incontinence) - And yes, on the way out of the restaurant I did apologize to her - I was mortified. She just shook her head and said she had a grandfather that was "like that too" - and I didn't correct her LOL. Honestly its a lot easier to let people jump to their own conclusion about his mental capacity than to explain that he is perfectly competent, but is an aging narcissist with no filter that doesn't care that he ruined their dinner, but I digress.
So I agree with others, trying to distract them - I just don't know - we haven't been super successful at it. In fact when we try to distract him, it honestly makes it worse. He hyperfocuses on it. Thinks he is going to die and actually wants to involve the family in his trips to the bathroom to investigate and I'm not going to horrify you with anymore about that but sufficed to say we just let him be obsessed all by his little lonesome. But I'll boil it down to this. Nothing is sacred or private anymore. And there are no filters anymore about something that should be private. So we do our best to just ignore it. When he brings it up we leave the room or change the subject if we can't get away from him. I think the more attention you bring to it, the more they are going to focus on it.
I think their world narrows down to the things that impact them of course. And their bodies are their focus. And they track every little thing that is happening to their body. And that is something that they want to micromanage and they zero in on it. I can't explain it, but you aren't alone.
This reminds me how my mother was. She took Miralax every day for 9 years! If she couldn't poop she'd eat prunes & bran cereal. She still ended up admitted to the hospital a couple times for severe constipation.
CamilleR, welcome to the forum. You mention "he thinks he must go every day". I don't see anything wrong with wanting to go every day. Each person's body has their own mechanics from every other day to 3 or 4 times each day.
If your Dad has memory issues, this obsession will fade away and he will be focusing on something else.
So many people become obsessed with the bathroom! My husband’s grandmother was the absolute worst. She would bring up the topic at the dinner table. I would totally lose my appetite! 😁
I don't see you make mention of dementia? Give dad a nice bowl of prunes with breakfast and dinner daily and I'll betcha an XL roll of toilet paper he will poop daily, like clockwork. 😂😁
One of the most difficult things with dementia patients, to be honest. They DO become obsessed with the bowels. You might try citrucel capsules to add a bit more bulk and regularity, but only if the person can take at least a full glass of water with each capsule; otherwise constipation will be increased. Sure wish you luck. Very difficult to distract a senior obsessed with the bowels.
(P.S. he doesn't get one at home, but unfortunately he has been given one at the rehab facility that he has been in since the end of November and he is coming home next week....we may have to call his doctor to figure out how to wean him because that may be a genuine medical issue - he may actually get constipated for the first time in his life coming off of laxatives every single day for 2 months)
Additionally - like NeedHelp's husband's grandmother - he has no filter and for some reason thinks bathroom talk is totally appropriate dinner conversation. We used to combine families for dinners. My grandmother refuses to eat with him anymore due to his stellar conversation skills (and his equally lovely table manners)
The absolute worst was the night we were at dinner and he went into complete detail, and now that he is hearing aid dependent but refuses to wear them, didn't realize (or just didn't care) that his conversation was very....audible. We were trying to get him to lower his voice....or you know....STOP. The dining room was fairly empty thank goodness. But from where I was sitting I could tell that the lady sitting at a table across the way could hear every word he was saying. She had gone white as a sheet and put her fork down. She was already very gracious about his lack of table manners (for which we had to leave an over the top tip for the poor waitress, because WE offered to clean up the aftermath and she wouldn't let us - there is a reason we just can't take him out besides his lack of mobility and incontinence) - And yes, on the way out of the restaurant I did apologize to her - I was mortified. She just shook her head and said she had a grandfather that was "like that too" - and I didn't correct her LOL. Honestly its a lot easier to let people jump to their own conclusion about his mental capacity than to explain that he is perfectly competent, but is an aging narcissist with no filter that doesn't care that he ruined their dinner, but I digress.
So I agree with others, trying to distract them - I just don't know - we haven't been super successful at it. In fact when we try to distract him, it honestly makes it worse. He hyperfocuses on it. Thinks he is going to die and actually wants to involve the family in his trips to the bathroom to investigate and I'm not going to horrify you with anymore about that but sufficed to say we just let him be obsessed all by his little lonesome. But I'll boil it down to this. Nothing is sacred or private anymore. And there are no filters anymore about something that should be private. So we do our best to just ignore it. When he brings it up we leave the room or change the subject if we can't get away from him. I think the more attention you bring to it, the more they are going to focus on it.
I think their world narrows down to the things that impact them of course. And their bodies are their focus. And they track every little thing that is happening to their body. And that is something that they want to micromanage and they zero in on it. I can't explain it, but you aren't alone.
If your Dad has memory issues, this obsession will fade away and he will be focusing on something else.
Add fiber. Also lots of water.