Is it my business that my brothers hardly visit dad? - AgingCare.com

Is it my business that my brothers hardly visit dad?

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My brothers hardly visit dad. One lives close by and the to here quite a distance, we share the visits in the dementia home with mum.

I can't help but feel upset and confused to there lack of visiting dad .

I know it is their choice and I stay out of it . I know if I was there I would want some love and extra care from my children . After all he looked after me for a long time.

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Hahaa
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No they have nursing huts
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It is a strange world we live in , I bet the Polynesians don't have nursing homes
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My mom has been at our house for a couple of months now. Not one of my 8 siblings has called her. They expect me to give them updates on how she is doing through emails and text messages.
When my father was in a nursing home for 1.5 years, I drove out there once a month (11 hours each way) to go and visit him and make sure that my parents were doing okay. My niece, who lived in the same town, and was raised by my parents, didn't visit once. She wouldn't drive my mother there to see my dad so the only time my father received visitors was when I went out there or a sibling went out every six months or so. He would beg me to get all the paperwork done so that he could go home to die. It was very hard but I went anyway. I am no saint, I just saw how much he appreciated seeing people and getting outside that I felt it would be good for him. I eventually got him home.
I called them once a week to check on them. I don't understand why any of my siblings don't call and talk to mom. I no longer update them. If they ask, via text, I reply "why don't you call her and ask her how she is doing, I'm sure she would appreciate hearing from you". It hasn't worked yet.
This is one of the reasons why I wanted mom near me when she goes into assisted living/memory care, because I know I WILL visit her and make sure that her needs are met.
One brother told me "just call me when mom dies, I don't need any updates". Sad people.
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Well, I sure can empathize with caperguy12345, but I do not appreciate the "how dare you" tone. I would feel better with him being less judgemental and doing what is right for himself and leave others motivations out of the equation, he just does not know what is others' hearts.
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I am a single parent and my daughter lives in a nursing home because of a tbi. her mother lives about 10 minutes away but never visits her daughter. I am a man ; so the thought that men don't visit as much as women doesn't 'hold water with me'.
firstly as far as not visiting your love one in a home because you find it just 'too' difficult. well I hate to remind you people that this is ''' not''' about how you feel but how about your loved one feels who is stuck in a home with no visitors.
secondly: just out of utter respect for your kin who is in a nursing home you should visit them how dare you not visit your own flesh and blood; and then make up phoney excuses for not visiting.
thirdly how dare the absent family member leave all the burden of v isiting and taking care of their kin in a nursing home. these family member also have a life outside of the nursing home and would probably love to have someone share the visiting of their kin.
I have been going through this problem for 10 years now; and I have heard all the answers.
years ago people visited friends in the hospitals and homes. but now we seem to have all the excuses 'not ' to visit.
I honestly thing the main reason people don't visit loved ones in homes is that we now have televisions and computers to occupy our time and we don't need to go outside to visit loved ones anymore.
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We cannot govern the actions of others. You can do your bid and take care of your parents, including mom, and do the best you can. I have a strange theory to this :). I believe if you help out your dad or others during their old age, I am sure even someone would be there to care about you when you reach this age. Its all about the blessings :)
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Thanks everyone , great replies especially blessed 62 , yes I am over worrying about my brothers actions , they choose there own life .and you don't know what's is always happening in there world, I will keep doing what feels right for me and mum
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I have a sibling that doesnt visit Dad any longer due to his not listening and constant arguing. It would be a great help to have my sibling visit more but I understand...
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Men are different than women and many times they will voice that they cannot handle it when someone is sick. My reply to that would normally be Bull____, but there is just no way you can MAKE someone care or do the right thing. If your brothers chose not to visit Dad you might just gently tell them that you think your Father would like to see them from time to time, but if you become angry and it can become a really bad situation, then you will just create a rift in the family that may not heal. It is a shame that they do not realize how much their visits would mean to you Mom as well.

As long as you and your Mom keep going to visit and it does not become a huge issue, I might say something gently to them, then drop it; and just live with the knowledge that you did everything you could for both Mom and Dad and you are blessed for having done so.

God Bless You Chrissie
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