I've currently moved to Michigan from Florida to care for my 92 yr old father, recently diagnosed with dementia. I'm his Durable POA and it's only been me doing all of the work. I don't mind it, he's my dad, I am also the only child (of 3) that has come to visit dad over the years, so I know everything about his Home/affairs. That's probably why dad made me his POA. The issue that bothers me is...while I'm here, dad has agreed to pay me weekly, as I am not working. I took a leave of absence from my job. It's not much, but its enough to pay my bills. I have an attorney drawing up a "caregiver" contract to reflect this. My older brother who is semi retired, suggested that I bring dad to Florida, of which dad doesn't want to go and if I have to stay here with dad, then I will, and he come live with him and his wife. Dad doesn't have to pay, and I can go back to work. I've told my brother that I'm not really interested in going back to work as it was getting ridiculously bad, and was probably going to quit anyway(18 yrs with this company). I understand he's concerned that it's dad's money, a Revocable Trust, that will be paying me, of which he has plenty. and yes, eventually, the money will be reduced over time. It's just that, I put in the work and research and care and getting things organized, and he wants me to bring dad to his house so my sister-in-law can care for him while he works. She just had a hip replacement, and they to are getting up in age...70...I just don't know, I want dad to stay with me, maybe I can work part time, and he can go to senior care, and he can visit my brother/sister in law...any suggestions, or anyone else had this issue?
Maybe we can try them caring for dad, IF he goes to Florida, and I can still manage his finances/affairs. HELP! This is all new to me, not the caregiver part, the dealing with family part....ugh!
You are the one who knows. You are the one your father appointed. Welcome your brother's interest and concern, but don't allow him to undermine your confidence. You've been put in charge of this project for good reasons.
Your father has no interest in moving to Florida. He made his wishes very clear. He also appointed you to represent him, and to act for him. I do not mean to suggest in any way that it would be a good idea for you to give up all hope of work and independence and become wholly tied in to providing your father with full-time care. But shipping him out to Florida, where he's already said he doesn't want to go, and leaving him in the care of two people who aren't familiar with his situation, who are in poor health themselves, and one of whom he doesn't get on with is not the ideal Plan B.
Would you be able to resume your normal career in Michigan, and use your father's funds to pay for his care? Are you yourself happy to remain in your father's home area?
You are right to think that good, open-minded discussion is the way forward; and I'm sure you're also right that your brother needs to see for himself what's going on with your father. Please keep in touch - especially if we can help with moral support!
For now, we will take one day at time. Dad still understands and I always discuss our plans. And we make the decisions together.