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Dad is 80 and is a dementia ward , my mum , husband and myself visit regularly , with a lot of tears, stress and sadness for the decline of dad . we have managed to meld into his new world and to give comfort and love .
my 3 brothers , one lives very close do not visit very much , Mum sticks up for them and says it is "TOO HARD " to see dad
are we made of stronger stuff !!!.......... Or is that just a cop out?

mum hasnt mentioned what she feels , as the 'Boys can never do any wrong '

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As a caregiver to my grandpa with dementia, I try to keep my attitude upbeat and positive. When he sees me upbeat, he becomes uplifted as well. This may be challenging for you and your family but try to do the same do not let your dad see you guys depressed and sadness because he may feel the same and he may not understand why. Try to be upbeat and be positive for dad because you do not know how much time there is left for him in this world.

Also, if you can, take dad out in nature and do it for yourself as well. If there is a park that you are drawn to, frequent it as much as you can. Nature is known to have one of the highest vibrations. So if you are feeling low, go out in nature and it will uplift your spirits.

Read this article on the health benefits of spending time in nature:
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Here's what I learned:

1) Changing people becomes a full time job. Don't put your personal energy into it otherwise, you will just drain yourself.
2) You can't expect people to give what they DON'T have. So if they do not have any compassion or support in them, they can't give it away. Appreciate the support you already. I am a caregiver of my grandpa with dementia and I am not close to "most" of my relatives. I get respite on weekends when my sister is off from work and can babysit grandpa because she lives with him anyway and I also get respite when I take grandpa to adult daycare during the week and also once a week when his home visit nurse comes visits and gives him a bath, checks his vitals, and converses with him.
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The only people you need to concern yourself with is Mom & Dad! Your a good daughter. Your brothers will have to live with their decision to stay away. When they "grow up" and finally come around it will be to late. If it was me, then my only response will be "told you so", with not one sympathetic bone in my body..
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Mum says they can't handle it , seeing dad that way .
I have decided to integrate his life and accept every person on the ward ,I get involved with everybody there as they don't have visitors.
My brothers just can't handle the situation and are in an out.i understand d there feelings as I was like that at the start, eventually you take every one under your wing and just accept it

Dad has just started losing conversation, and I am blessed that before then I took him out and had a wonderful time , to my mothers upset . I will never regret the wonderful times we had . I feel so lessee to heaved shared those times with dad .
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Thank you for replies , christine
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Thank you for replies , at the end of the day I am getting the satisfaction of seeing my dad in his last moments of clarity , which I love !!!

My brothers are his natural children and I was adopted !

So it it shows you no matter how you where conceived the love you have for someone , who has raised you and cared for you , and dropped everything for you is more important than anything .
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Give yourself a pat on the back for doing the right thing. If you want to, you could pray that they will open their hearts or get stronger, but you can't make them change. "Putting lipstick on a pig," huh? That's a good one. I wouldn't be proud to be the mother of boys who won't come to visit their father, I bet she isn't either. Let her stay in denial, but you might remind her what a good daughter she raised!
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I think it is similar to the mom who tells the caregiver child how the other children are all "too busy" - it's what we in the South call putting lipstick on the pig, telling themselves a less painful fiction rather than the truth that the ones not visiting may just not care as much to overcome their natural grief or other obstacles as they would have hoped or expected. Of course it isn't easy to see a loved one in a state of decline, but the stronger and more responsbile people realize its not about how hard it is on them, but how much less hard they can make it for the loved one...and they also find out there is reward in knowing they were there when it mattered and maybe even some good memories to be made.
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That is just a cop out. If her boys can do no wrong I don't expect that this behavior is new to you.

You are responsible for your interaction with your dad, but not for your brothers'. I don't know why they don't visit, but it is Not Your Problem. (Sad, though, isn't it?)
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