I’m not sure that he does but being the oldest and the only living child left he assumed this role. It was said that any and all decisions concerning mom would be handled by all three of us but so far I’ve been left out of that process. I have called APS and haven’t heard yet if they are going to open a case on her. In the mean time one of moms friends had talked to a neighbor of my mom. She informed her that mom and older bro are now staying at moms not at older bros house like we all thought. She’s been unable to speak to mom also but when she heard about her being at home she called the home phone and within minutes got a return call. So she told me to try that…I did and yes I got a return call to…ty Jesus I got to hear her voice…I could hear her answering machine and my bro coaching her. She stumbled a few times saying she was not at home she’s at bros house. Then said she was at his sons and even said she was in another state. So her where abouts are kept secret for whatever reason I could clearly hear her answering machine and my message in the machine is what prompted her to call. I hate she is being bounced from house to house and has to lie I do intend to get to the bottom of this and I want to thank u all for ur support it gave me the courage I needed Have a blessed day
You did what your brother said? When he did not show up you could have packed Mom in the truck and took her with you. Are you saying he took the registration and title for the truck? This is elder abuse. Call APS.
Yes he took the registration and insurance papers hoping I would get stopped and not have them. Yes I could have packed her up and left but he had threatened me to have me put in jail if I left town in moms truck. Not knowing what kind of legal pull he had scared me I regret leaving her there to the point of constant tears. I didn’t want to put my mom thru any more drama especially so soon after losing her youngest child,I know from experience how hard that is and the toll it can take on a mother. She was already being shuffled around from house to house and having covid I was hoping things would work themselves out but I was wrong,they’ve only gotten worse
This brother and I used to be very close and honestly I’m not sure why he’s mad at me, my daughter has said things about him but I haven’t. My mom and youngest brother who has had a lot of medical problems over the last 10 years lived together and he was put in charge of my mom by the older bro. He was also very abusive and manipulative. Many times she called me sobbing wanting me to help her move and of course I agreed to help when she was ready. In may I found out that she had had an infection from a uti for over 6 months, both brothers knew this cuz she was wasting away to nothing. In June the lil bro had a hernia operation, mom and older bro went to hospital with him and then she was dropped off at home by older bro to stay alone, he knew her condition so why would he leave her alone? She fell twice in the next two days bruising the entire one side of her head and cutting the other, luckily a neighbor came by and called the ambulance. She was taken to the same hospital as lil bro and admitted with covid and her wounds I was furious so made arrangements to fly out there during this time older bro made a chat to inform her family of her condition he wasn’t completely honest and this is when daughter blamed him for her falls he didn’t want me to fly there even told me I couldn’t stay at moms but I got a ticket anyway the day before I was to fly out the hospital called at 1am,lil bro had heart failure,they brought him back but didn’t expect him to live thru the night. I called nonstop to older bro but no answer till it was too late now I’m even more upset. Mom was released and went to his house. I had to get a Lyft to get to moms and get keys from neighbor I went to see her the next day she was 100lbs and weak but very happy to see me went back to moms. He has put locks on my lil bros doors and taken tv wires and car papers out of moms car he asked me to help tell mom of lil bros passing. He called in the morning and said let’s tell her then u can take her back to her house, she was doing good with me except scared to death that lil bro was going to come out of his room and beat us up. Older bro text me to say he couldn’t do the care of mom mentally,physically so I gladly said I would take her home with me,she was happy about that too the day before I was set to leave he said she’s not going anywhere and neither is her truck that we had planned to drive us back. Btw he is an alcoholic, I had a ticket to go home the next day and he knew this but didn’t come to pick her up so I could catch my flight. I fed her, gave her the meds and called and told him again I’d be leaving soon,I also informed her neighbor. My Lyft came and he still wasn’t there I made her lock the doors told her to stay on the couch till he got there then called the neighbor over. He now says i abandoned her and that would be my last memory of her I’ve spoke to her once since,her calls have to go thru his phone so he monitors all calls and she only can talk to who he lets her talk to. She feels like since no one calls her no one cares,this is what she told her friend and she told mom we do call but he doesn’t let us talk, now she can’t call either. I don’t feel like she’s in a good place living with alcoholics who didn’t want her
Call APS in his County. Ask that they check on her for you because brother will allow no communication. Ask that they talk to Mom privately without brother present. They can ask her if she wants to talk to you. If yes, they then can inform brother that his POA does not give him the right to cut Mom off from a daughter.
I don't honestly think you will have any luck with an Elder Law Attorney in your state. Is your brother the POA? It has been some time I would imagine since you saw your Mom? I would throw myself upon his mercy, beg and plead and tell him you will be perfectly willing that he be with you when you visit her, and monitor your visit, but that you only wish to tell your Mom you love her, and wish her the best.
Unfortunately I don't think there is way to get a legal order, paid attorney or not. I think what you have to do is find a way to physically go there and force your way. Consult the local authorities before doing so.
Can you look into family mediation? It will be tricky if you're not even in the same state...which brings up the issue: if you don't think you can even afford the trip to visit her, why go through all this in the first place? Would it be a phone call? If so, does she have the cognitive ability to talk to anyone on the phone and understand what's going on? I'm so sorry for this distressing situation. I hope you can find a resolution.
I tried to mend fences while I was there. He told me now was not the time. If we should decide to bury the hatchet it would be down the road but then he came to the realization of what caring for a dementia patient entailed that’s when he texted me saying he couldn’t do it mentally,physically or emotionally and he got very nice. A couple days later he was back to nasty. Maybe it was the alcohol
Give Legal Aid a call, but I don't know that there's anything an attorney can do to force your brother to allow you to speak to your mother. Why don't you try communicating with him on the matter to see if you can make headway? Try apologizing to him, even if it's unwarranted, just to get this matter resolved, mend your fences with him, so you can get to speak to your mom. That's what I would do, if I were in your position, which must feel terrible to you, and I'm sorry you're in this spot to begin with. It's horrible when a sibling would do such a thing to another sibling b/c the one who suffers most here is MOM. He's punishing HER for some spat the two of YOU have going on! Fix it, if you can, and get to speak to your dear mom before she leaves this Earth for good.
Ty. And yes I have tried to mend fences…it worked for a minute when he needed me. I’d love to know why he’s upset with me,we haven’t exchanged words so I’m lost there
Please let us know what happens.
Does your brother have POA/HCPOA? (You probably already answered this, but I didn't see it during a quick glance at your posts.)
It has been some time I would imagine since you saw your Mom?
I would throw myself upon his mercy, beg and plead and tell him you will be perfectly willing that he be with you when you visit her, and monitor your visit, but that you only wish to tell your Mom you love her, and wish her the best.
GOOD LUCK