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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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I was reading a form that discussed this, but when I tried to print it, it had changed to something else. Does anyone know the name of that discussion, which seemed to have many good ideas, or thoughts, that I could pass on to his wife. Thank you.
Violence cannot be tolerated no matter how sick they are or how much she loves him. It's very sad, but violence must be taken seriously EVERY TIME. That's Rule #1 in the Caregiver's Book of 697 Commandments (which does not actually exist but should). There are many good suggestions on this site; read and heed.
The main problem when violence starts is denial. We don't want to believe it is happening because then we should do something about it. We cannot understand how a mild-mannered loved one could turn on us and try to cause us harm. We think it's only temporary, as in "He only has a little bit of dementia, he'll be okay tomorrow." We think we can cope because we can't admit that we've failed at the Happy Happy Home Caregiving that we've been promised in countless articles and books that encouraged us to care for our Lovey Lovey Loved Ones in their home until they day they die (or we do, which might be before them due to the strain of it all).
It's a huge mind switch that SIL and everyone in this situation must make in order to provide the best care for the violent loved one and to save ourselves. Some caregivers aren't that flexible. They've promised Mumsy they'll never place her in One Of Those Horrible Places. Or Hubby that she'll change his diapers until the day he dies, even though eventually he's slinging those poopy diapers at HER.
Those who become violent can't help it. It is part of the disease. But no caregiver is required to endure abusive behavior. We ARE required to find a place where professionals trained in the proper techniques can provide the care our loved ones need. No home caregiver - unless professionally trained and experienced - can come near providing the care that an institution provides. And that is the difficult but honest truth.
She should talk to his doctor about increased violence. If at ANY time she is afraid for her safety she HAS to call 911. If you are there and you experience his rage YOU need to call 911. The big problem is if his anger can not be controlled she may find it difficult to place him. Most facilities have a policy of no violent episodes for sometimes as long as 90 days.
If you type ‘violence’ after clicking the magnifying glass symbol at the top right of the screen, you will find a large number of old discussions about this. At the very least, it will stop her from feeling alone!
As others have suggested, she needs to call 911 the very next time he gets aggressive (whether or not he hits her). At the ER they will hopefully 5150 admit him. She needs to make it clear he is an unsafe discharge and refuse to take him home. Ask to talk to the hospital social worker regarding direct transition into a facility.
Advice? Your sil needs to protect herself as your brother has become violent. Next time he does she can call 911 to have him removed and assessed. His dr should be informed and may have some meds that will help. it sounds like it is time for him to be placed in a facility where he has 24/7 professional care.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The main problem when violence starts is denial. We don't want to believe it is happening because then we should do something about it. We cannot understand how a mild-mannered loved one could turn on us and try to cause us harm. We think it's only temporary, as in "He only has a little bit of dementia, he'll be okay tomorrow." We think we can cope because we can't admit that we've failed at the Happy Happy Home Caregiving that we've been promised in countless articles and books that encouraged us to care for our Lovey Lovey Loved Ones in their home until they day they die (or we do, which might be before them due to the strain of it all).
It's a huge mind switch that SIL and everyone in this situation must make in order to provide the best care for the violent loved one and to save ourselves. Some caregivers aren't that flexible. They've promised Mumsy they'll never place her in One Of Those Horrible Places. Or Hubby that she'll change his diapers until the day he dies, even though eventually he's slinging those poopy diapers at HER.
Those who become violent can't help it. It is part of the disease. But no caregiver is required to endure abusive behavior. We ARE required to find a place where professionals trained in the proper techniques can provide the care our loved ones need. No home caregiver - unless professionally trained and experienced - can come near providing the care that an institution provides. And that is the difficult but honest truth.
If at ANY time she is afraid for her safety she HAS to call 911.
If you are there and you experience his rage YOU need to call 911.
The big problem is if his anger can not be controlled she may find it difficult to place him. Most facilities have a policy of no violent episodes for sometimes as long as 90 days.
As others have suggested, she needs to call 911 the very next time he gets aggressive (whether or not he hits her). At the ER they will hopefully 5150 admit him. She needs to make it clear he is an unsafe discharge and refuse to take him home. Ask to talk to the hospital social worker regarding direct transition into a facility.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/what-do-i-do-when-i-am-living-with-someone-with-dementia-and-have-to-lock-my-bedroom-door-at-night-f-497201.htm