My brother takes care of our 86 yr old mother. What can I do? -

My brother takes care of our 86 yr old mother. What can I do?


My brother is taking care of our 86 yr old mother and she has dementia and cataracts she can't see very well, they live in a camper with no running water. My brother gets jugs of drinking water. The problem that I have is he will not see to her personal needs she cannot clean herself up very good when she goes to the bathroom which is a potty chair right beside the couch where she sleeps there are times on Monday mornings when I go there to work for my mom and take care of her for 5 hours a day her depends is soaked and poopy and falling apart or sometimes she tears them off of her shredded laying in the floor she gets very confused a lot and turned around easily. I talk to my brother about this, about keeping her dry and clean, but he will not wipe her if she needs. I told him and told him and he says he know how to take care of Mom it's just he does not want to take care of her personal needs. And sometimes he forgets to give her her medicine. And he leaves her alone for hours at a time and one Monday I went there and no one was there but Mom he stayed out all night. I told my company that he leaves her alone a lot and they said they cannot do anything about it. I am very worried she might open the camper door and fall out the door she does get disoriented and forgets where she is but mom does not want me to say anything to him because she don't want him to get upset but I do anyway but try not to let her hear, and her hearing has got worse. What can I do?? He says she will be okay I tried to make him understand he knows how confused she gets and turned around he knows she could fall she cannot walk very well legs hurt she is unsteady. A different day I went there of the morning and she was sitting at the kitchen table I asked her what was she doing there she said she got turned around and could not get back to her bed she was scared and upset. and of course my brother was not there he leaves sometimes before I get there in the morning. I get a tub of water and wash her off that way sometimes I take her home with me on a weekend so he can take a shower here but she complains and wants to go home but I keep her the whole weekend. What should I do???

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Call Adult Protective Services in her jurisdiction.
Let them handle this.
THEN, get out of the situation for a while.
If your brother[s] "love" Mom, as you do, they will admit they can't take care of her properly.

Spend some time on YOURSELF!

Your worry and guilt is worth 0!
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Call Adult Protective Services in her jurisdiction. Let them handle this.
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I thought they would know what I could do or help I didn't know but I do now. And she was in the nursing home two different times but and two of my brothers got her out two different times I put my mom in the nursing home the very first time did not want to I felt like I was getting rid of her I love my Mom very much I was trying to take care of her and work and I could not do it without help at the time I wasn't getting any help from anyone after I put her in one of the brothers got her out because he could not stand to see her in there then he figured out exactly how hard it was to take care of Mom and work at the same time well he did figure it out and he could not do it either So eventually put her back in the nursing home. I was her POA at the time and she was told if she really relieved me of my POA and have my brother to do it that she could get out and that's what happen I guess someone with dementia that is confused don't make very good decisions has the right two ask for a different POA. I was told if there was an investigation that Mom would probably say there was nothing going on and she is taking care of because that's her baby boy and does not want him to get in trouble. And I did ask a someone that works for that protective services for elderly and told him about the living conditions in the camper they said some people that's all the means that they have and as long as she had food and Heat not much else I can do. I am still checking into things I will bring Mom home with me if I had help
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I was also wondering what your company has to do with it.

It seems like your brother can't take proper care of your mother. What are the alternatives. Are you willing to take her in?
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What does your company have to do with this? You need to contact adult protective services in your county. She needs and deserves a safe place to live where she will receive the care she needs.
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