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My mother was put in a nursing home about 4 years ago and my brother stayed in her house. He is in his 60's. He received SSN and doesn't work cause he can make it through the month barely on what he gets.


When she dies the house is suppose to go to all three of us siblings. He moved his lazy son in with him without telling me a couple of months back. Boy, I sure wasn't happy about that, but didn't say much at all.


Today I finally told him that when Mom dies, the taxes will increase a lot. Of course he won't be able to pay them if we let him stay in the house. He has been so happy and relaxed all these years not having to worry about being responsible. I have a feeling he is flipping out today. I told him all 3 of us will own it and if he stays he will have to pay the taxes or we will sell it and divide the money which won't be much at all. I'm afraid that he and his son will be very very angry with me next time I see them. Of course I am going to be the bad guy in this whole thing, according to them. Any suggestions?

Thanks for all of the input I received. It IS terrible being in this position because, as Shell38314 said, no matter what I do, I will end up being the bad guy. People like him do feel entitled and don't seem to have a clue that other adults have to work in order to have what they have.

When I was talking to him about this yesterday, just for the heck of it, I decided to mention Mom's pending funeral and how I have taken care of everything by making sure my Mom purchased a pre need years ago so that we don't have to pay funeral expenses. I've prepared and done everything I could to make things easier.

Anyway, I told him, that I've done everything except plan a get together for the relatives after the funeral service and if he wants to he can plan that. Right away he tells me he doesn't have money to do that. I wanted to tell him, SO, GO MAKE SOME!!!! He just says yall can do whatever you want. Why is it folks like this seem to have no inkling that maybe they could make an effort to do something instead of just sitting back and waiting for everyone else to do everything??

Ahhhhhhhhh! It's so frustrating!
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Ahmijoy Apr 26, 2019
Don’t make anymore comments to him about plans for anything, even just “for the heck if it”. All you’re accomplishing is causing yourself more stress.
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When your mother passes, SELL THE HOUSE!! He can use his portion to secure another living arrangement. You say you don’t mind him living there, but consider that he’d be living there on your dime. Think of it another way ... if Mom died without a house and left you and your siblings $20,000 each. Would you be happy about handing over your portion to buy your brother a house? Doubtful. Who is currently paying the nursing home bill? If it’s Medicaid, they’ll likely expect to be reimbursed from the proceeds of the sale of Mom’s house.
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Reply to FarmJelly
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Truthfully your brother should be paying the taxes (and homeowners insurance) and all utilities while he lives there. I think you handled this correctly. Now the ball is in his court and he needs to plan accordingly.
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Reply to worriedinCali
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You had to put it out there now not when Mom dies. If you and the other sibling don't mind them living there, then he needs to know he will have to pick up the bills. That he is living there rent free and will need to pay utilities, taxes, and upkeep.

I guess you mean he receives SS. He can work and collect SS. Up to 66 he can make about 14k a year. His son could find a job. Together they should be able to carry the lode. Get everything in writing.

When GFs Dad died the house went to 5 kids. Since one son had divorced and moved home, they allowed him to live there on the terms that to keep the house he had to get a Mortgage within 5 yrs. It didn't happen and a sister sued for her portion. A sister, my friend, sold her house and moved in with brother picking up a Mortgage to pay sister. My friend passed away leaving no will to say how the house would be split. Big fight between brother and friends children. He would not budge. Children ended up letting him have the house. My friend never had paperwork saying she was majority owner and how the house got split. Don't let this sibling feel he is entitled.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Enlist the help of an attorney to make sure everything is in order. When you confront your brother, you need to know what you’re talking about and have the legal facts to back up what you say. You don’t want to engage in arguments or a tug of war with the house.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Your situation is so common here. I wish I had words of wisdom for you. I've had to band my brother from the house because he was stealing and for whatever reason my mother would give him most of her money & not be able to pay her bills, but I'll give you 3 guesses and the first 2 don't count on who they say is the bad guy-me!

You have 3 choices: 1) let brother live there and end up paying the taxes and whatever eles. 2) give brother a chance to buy you and other sib out, but he probably won't be able to come up with the money; therefore, you'll end up selling the house anyways. 3) sell the house after mom passes away.

Stick to your guns. No matter what you do you will be damed! Your going to be the bad guy no matter what. People like your brother and mine have this self-entitlement and it is never their fault. We the responsible ones are always the bad guys.

Sorry if I wasn't helpful. It sucks to always be the bad guy when you don't do anything wrong!
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