My brother is gone. My mom is doing changes to her will but she is still going to give the farm at the end. I feel guilty having these thoughts.

Follow
Share

With still no goodbye for my mom or I. They will spilt everything. Her oldest granddaughter has not spoken to her since my daddy’s funeral. She never came to see her when she had her big toe and part of her foot amputated or when she was medflight or when she almost died another time, the other granddaughter actually went to see my mom on April 27 after she was medflight. She apologized for everything she had done and she loves her and wants everybody to get along. The next day she blocked her phone number. She is also going to give my brother the 280 acres and we get the 10 and her house that is a money pit. we have to go down every week to take care of her grass and plumbing and endless other projects while we have my father in law living with us now. I don’t want to take anything away from my brother but I feel she is doing it to prove a point to them even though they treated her badly. My daddy wanted it down the middle. Is it okay to feel really hurt. They couldn’t even walk a farm block away and help me out and change my mom's foot. My daddy did it. I may not have lived right there but we were always there for my parents and we dod things all the time, he was still on the you were gone 30 years and you come back and cause trouble. I took care of my mom the whole summer 2015 moved there and went to AA meeting 2016 May.


Moved down to take care of my daddy, he was dying from esophageal cancer. I took him to radiation physical therapy doctors appointments and went to AA. Same thing this year with my mom. Since February iIhave been by her side. But it’s hers. She really wants to prove a point to them but what about me and my husband who is doing more for her than my brother ever has. I don’t care about this because I want her to use it to be happy but she won’t. When she talks with her friend, her friend has to remind her how many kids she does have. But I feel guilty having these thoughts.

Find Care & Housing
4

Answers

Show:
I may understand a little. My siblings went through 3/4 of the estate and the 4 of us get to split the other fourth. They live away, I live close enough to fix the remote 3 times in one evening.
I found some relief by discounting all expenses by 4. When I get a 75% discount, spending is not such a big deal.
Maybe you could enjoy making the house beautiful at half price.
We were certain my wife’s cousin was going to stick us with her grandmother’s 60’s ranch house, but at the last minute he wanted it and stuck us with the acreage.
If you make the house shine you might not get stuck with it.
Easy does it, (but it ain’t easy is it?)
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Jakjak
Report

Brother isn't farming the land and you describe the house as a money pit and a current burden, if I were you I would encourage your mother to sell both. Good investments can probably bring in a descent income for your mother and the estate (however she chooses to divide it) will be a simple math equation.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to cwillie
Report

Thank you for the update.  I have been wondering how you were doing since the farm sale and your brother moving.  💟

You are right that your Mom is trying to make a point to your brother because she is giving him the 280 acres.  She wants your brother to come back and farm the land!  She is feeling guilty for causing him to leave farming (and it isn't even her fault as he is the one who ruined himself financially when he was farming his own land & your Mom's land.) 

"is it okay to feel really hurt?"  Mostly definitely!  I would feel hurt in the same situation.  I am sorry that you are at the "losing" end of this situation.  🌷

Can you hire someone locally to do the mowing and general upkeep of the 10 acres?  How long do you think that your Mom will be living on the farm before she has to move into town or into assisted living or nursing home?  You might want to talk to a realtor who deals with acreages and ask them to help you prioritize what needs to be updated and fixed so that the house can be rented out when the time comes for your Mom to leave the farm house.  (I am not suggesting that you are to try to push your Mom off the farm, I am looking into the future so that you can spend the least amount of money to fix up "that money pit" of a house.)

How is it working out having your FIL living with you?  Have you adjusted to the additional family member?

Keep us updated on what is going on.  Are you still attending AA meetings?  They are a great source of support.  Good Luck and God Bless.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to DeeAnna
Report

I am sorry you have this ongoing problem. Your mom is not treating you and your family fairly. You may have been gone for years, but you’ve been there when needed for both her and your dad. IMO your feelings are valid. She needs to show you and your husband the respect you deserve.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to anonymous439773
Report