My brother-in-law took over his mother's finances, medical, and house (essentially the entire estate). Any advice?

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For over a year now, her friends have been hounding us to file elder abuse charges on him. He has cut her off financially, and medically. He told us the doctor "didn't want to see her any more". She is in the house alone, and suffering from some type of dementia (she is 98). He has a caregiver showing up twice a week for 4 hours, but that's it and the caregiver told us he is abusive. Last year, I sent my son out to check on her - and it was pretty bad. He witnessed his uncle taking things from the house and he verbally threatened her when she called the police. He was there about 5 months. The brother made it clear my son wasn't welcome, and then my daughter who I sent out after. He told me on the phone he wouldn't allow his brother (my husband) to come. He said it would be "too upsetting" to see her like "this". He also told me in another conversation that when she died, which he believed would be soon, we could take what we wanted. Well, my husband grew up in that house - not my brother-in-law. The house and nothing in it mean anything to him. So, I figured, okay - well, that's fine. Finally, I popped the money to get us ALL out there so my husband could say goodbye, and get his things (not her things). We were shocked. the brother had robbed the place blind. Her jewelry, silver, and even things of my husband's were gone. They even tried to take the dining table. The brother was angry that we showed up - and had several people come over and check to see if we were stealing (in 25 years we've never taken a damn thing, even things we were promised). Out of nowhere, a gardener and a house cleaner started showing up - they haven't been there for over a year. And, sadly, they're not very good anyway. Today, we finally got a copy of the Trust - but, turns out, my brother-in-law amended it to make himself power of attorney - in charge of everything. And the lawyer did not give us that amendment. All we want is for her to be taken care of - she could live another couple of years - it runs in the family. He has made no attempt to take care of her or even try to get her in to a nursing home (he uses it as a threat). We could easily take over - and get her what she needs, plus use what's left to help pay (although, she does have money). Despite telling my husband 2 weeks ago "go ahead, if you want it, you can have it, I'm done", he refused today. He said "they" (his wife & him, she who is now wearing my mother-in-law's wedding ring) had done all the tough work - and they're not going anywhere. Can/should we just file a complaint on them with statements from the caregiver, and her two friends, and my son? And, also - can he just take things out of the house? It was ALL part of the estate. I do have video of what was there.

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No. And, he's been with her for 2 months now. 24/7. He knows if he leaves, or if he has to put her in a home, that's kind of it. And, he doesn't want that. So, we'll see. I told him what has to happen - we don't have the $$ for a retainer for a lawyer. Filing an abuse charge is the only way. That means, everyone - who, btw, haven't stepped up yet - stepping up and giving statements as to what they've seen over the last two years. I'm not hopeful. But, we'll see. I at least have a friend who's been thru this - and she has friends on the police. So, she's helping me. That's a plus.
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Well you said he was a bully. Someone has to stand up to him or he gets away with it. But it is ok to come here to vent.
It’s ultimatly your husbands decision. Will he be able to handle knowing he let his mom be taken advantage of? Not a great position for your DH or MIL.
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The "stuff" isn't important, except that we would have used any proceeds to help pay for her care. Yes, it has sentimental value, but my husband accepted long ago, that because she wants to die in her home, he was letting go of any thing being passed down. But, now it's not even available for that.
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No, he had it done. I'm guessing he was able to show that she was not capable. so, she may have signed - but like with everything else, he probably bullied her in to it. He did tell me twice that he wanted her dead. I know he bullied her into getting the bank accounts. He believes it should have been her who died, not his dad. This guy is a piece of work.
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I wish you would call the local news media and have them do a report on elder abuse and how (according to AARP) it’s the family and friends that commit fraud about 50% of the time against elders using your MIL as an example. If it’s his community where it would air.....great! Since you have the video and the witnesses you could for sure make a case.
One thing you say that doesn’t ring true. That the BIL has the POA made out to himself. The POA can only be given by your MIL, not taken.
What a disgraceful shame.
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I don't know what you can do about the stuff, maybe someone will come in. But I would definitely make sure she is getting the care she deserves. Report the abuse asap.
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