My brother was put in charge because he lives near my mother and she did not want to leave the state. My mother has dementia and depression. My brother and I were getting along until he decided to pull her out of her memory care facility where she was doing great. He said he would not do anything we did not agree on, but then put her in another facility. It has not worked well for her since then. He pulled her out of that facility because of "safety concerns." She then lived with him another week until he found another place. Recently she was in a psychiatric facility due to anxiety related to the depression. He found out I went to visit her and flipped out. He refuses to share POA with me. Because he is so set against this, I am starting to suspect he may be using the funds for himself. He has not worked in a few years and is living with his girlfriend after 3 failed marriages. Meanwhile he is sending me harassing text messages. I want to block his phone number, but I need to have information regarding my mother. I am also worried that he could have changed the will. I am unsure where to start. An attorney could cost thousands of dollars and get me no where.
Your Mother can receive visits as she wishes.. unless there is a legal restraining order against you, you can visit her, right?
These harrassing txts. What does he want (or not want)?
1) Go to the facility that your brother said was a ‘safety concern’. Ask them if there were any safety issues with your mother that they know about, or what your brother might have meant. They may have an explanation (and remember that falls happen all the time), or they may get interested in a defamation discussion with him.
2) Have you seen the POA? If it only names your brother, he is not legally allowed to ‘share it with you’. But you need to read it – some people interpret vague comments (like I’d like you to look after me) as a legal POA when they aren’t.
3) Only your mother can change her will. Keep records of all the dates. If the date of a changed is shortly before (or after) your mother’s stint in the psychiatric facility, it may not be valid. He may have just presented it to her and said ‘sign here’. You will need to take this to an attorney AFTER your mother’s death, so you won’t be wasting ‘thousands of dollars’ if it is clearly an old will that hasn’t been changed recently.
4) You say that your brother isn’t working. Have you any way of finding out how he has an income? Other posters may know how to check on pensions etc – I can’t help on this. If he appears to have no source of income, you may need to do your best to find out if he is living off your mother’s money. That really would be one for a lawyer. See if there is a community legal service you could access – your local library or council should know.
5) Regarding the ‘harassing text messages’, can you just ignore them? When I had the same problem long ago, I used to get a different person to read my father’s letters, and just summarise them so that I knew if there was anything important in them. Otherwise, just ignore them. Best wishes, Margaret
did they drop her? did they leave her unattended while she was in the shower? Have a nurse or doctor check on her.. did she have a stroke? You can call and ask if she had a swallow test.. see if she is a choke hazard.. If she cannot swallow correctly, what is her diet?
Since he brought up the SAFETY CONCERN? Ask him if she had a stroke... How bad is the stroke?What did the Swallow test results show? Freak him out a bit.. There is no reason to harass you, he was the one who said mom's safety is a concern, so you are worried now about mom because of what he said..
You have every right to be concerned.