He filed trespassing order against me & now has her phone where it will not receive calls or allow outgoing calls. So, he has cut off ALL contact. When I was able to call she always wanted me to come visit & wanted to know why I could not come over. I had to tell her why I could not come over. My brother’s reason for trespass order and blocking phone is that I am “stressing her out” but he is actually stressing her out because he is doing this (on recordings!) The trespassing order was put in place the night she had a Stroke & he & sitter refused EMS transport. They told EMS that she was fine, that this was part of her Alzheimer’s... so EMS said the POA said not to transport; she was having acute onset speech difficulty a well known symptom of stroke (FAST). Her stroke evolved over next 9 days. He finally had her taken to ER 9 days later & CT confirmed stroke. The damage was done. I am her daughter! I can’t even see her for Christmas. My brother wants me out of the picture & has succeeded. She has had Alzheimer’s for years, but as soon as she had a stroke he pounced. G & C is unaffordable! Tried APS which was bad experience as they don’t want to get involved in sibling rivalry... made 2 trips out in 14 months! Red flags everywhere. He has hired two sitters (sitters are friends) who have been heavily coached to follow his lead; they like their salary!
I took the last 14 months off from work as a medical provider to help her. This has it all.....Abuse of Elderly, Extorsion, Undue Influence, theft, Abuse of POA,Exploitation. It cost over 10k to fight this which is unaffordable! She is 94 , Alzheimer’s....and now a stroke that went untreated and can barely talk since stroke.... and very coachable due to Alzheimers. He is in a hurry to get his inheritance & obviously hastening her demise. They make movies from events like this. Originally we were to be Joint HCPOA, POA, & Executor but he told her it was him or me. She chose him as 1st born & “only male in family”. Any suggestions?
Your Mom at 94 is, I would imagine a DNR, and it may be that she has requested no transport to hospital nor treatment and only palliative care.
Truth is I cannot know. And problem is that we hear one side here and it is your side. Your brother meanwhile is doing care and is POA. Two warring siblings would be a nightmare as co-POA. To tell the truth it would not work. She chose him. And that is pretty much that. The reasons are irrelevant.
Now, should you want to see your Mom, given you have tried all the possiblities including APS, I would take the tactic of "I am sorry bro for all the problems. I would like to know now only how I can visit Mom (supervised visits are fine) and how I can support you with respite or with shopping, appointments, anything I can do.
You can basically cooperate or be further frozen out.
I am sorry to sound cold, perhaps even cruel. I don't mean to be, but I will be frank with you.As a nurse the most disturbing things I witnessed had a profound effect on me that I never got over. That was to see families (most siblings) at war over the still living bodies of their elders. When they were gone from the room I heart nothing from the elders but tragic heartbreak. And in sibling wars I am completely without any sympathy. Sad to say. I do wish you good luck. It sounds like you are down to what mountain top you choose to fight and die on. You are correct that going for guardianship will cost 10,000 and you will lose.
Many of us have had mom’s who value their sons over the daughters.
Sadly, some parents were sexist in that era and felt a ‘man’ should be in charge of certain matters.
Women were considered the nurturers.
Your brother cut you off so he could gain control.
He lied to your mom and because mom trusted him, she is caught in his trap. How very sad.
Your mother should be allowed to see you. You should be allowed to see her.
Your mom deserves to be cared for properly.
I don’t even know what to say about APS.
Does APS have all the details regarding mom’s stroke? And not going to the ER?
If you cannot afford an attorney that specializes in elder care, I would solicit the help of legal aid as bicycler has said.