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Now, after having pneumonia and having spent 10 days in the hospital, she has lost all mobility. Her family will not step in to help and expect me to take care of her. This includes changing diapers, cleaning, dressing, cooking, keeping up with her meds, etc. I have a full time job and cannot do this. What can I do?

You're not taking care of your boyfriend's mother end of story. You don't have to make excuses to anyone for why you cannot or will not. She's not your responsibility.

So call an ambulance and have her taken back to the hospital. Write out a piece of paper with her name, your boyfriend's contact information and his siblings contact info if you know it. Hand it to the paramedics when they're taking her out. That's the end of it.

If the hospital calls you to come and get her, tell them to refer to the sheet you sent with the paramedics and call her family or APS because she's not coming back to your house.

Then tell your loser boyfriend to take a hike. There are plenty of men out there, my friend. You don't need to keep some fool around who clearly has no respect for you and doesn't care. If he did, he wouldn't have dumped the responsibility of his 95 year-old invalid mother on you. If he lives in your house too, tell him he has until the end of the month to get out, otherwise you'll serve him with eviction.

Stop letting people treat you the way your boyfriend and his family do. When you don't respect yourself, no one else is going to and people use you wrongly and take advantage. You deserve better.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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CaregiverL Feb 4, 2025
Agreed 👍 great advice
(6)
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You made two bad decisions: taking in someone you could not provide care for, and being in a relationship with her son. 95? Really? You thought she would take care of herself forever? And you are possibly a senior citizen yourself, unless your "boyfriend"is much older. In that case, he is testing you to make sure you will be his caregiver, not his partner. RUN! This family will destroy your life!
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Reply to DrBenshir
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You inform the family, including boyfriend, that you’re unable to provide caregiving and take this lady to one of them, preferably boyfriend if it’s him that allowed you to be in this position. The expectations of others are not your commands
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Call 911 and have her taken to the ER. Once there make sure they know she is an "unsafe discharge". Tell them you are not her caregiver, have a full-time job and her family is neglecting her. Then ask to talk to the hospital social worker about transitioning her into a hospice facility. She truly does need hospice or at the very least, LTC.

Do not take her back to your home. The problem is your home is her legal residence. If you call your BF to tell her she's in the ER you need to make it clear that you are packing up her things and they'll be outside your door and then you're going to your job and living your life free of caregiving. Then break up with him. Don't have anything to do with this family. Then you go see a therapist and figure out how you find and defend your boundaries.

Stay strong. Don't take her back no matter how much they rage, cry and try to manipulate you. Block their calls. Wishing you all the best as you move on.
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Reply to Geaton777
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That is ridiculous! You are being totally USED by a terrible family. Are they expecting you to come get her from the hospital? Did you already pick her up?

Follow the advice given, call 911. Let the boyfriend know you are over him and will drop off his Grandma's stuff. Don't let him weasel his way back! Ignore his selfish family. Whoever suckered you into taking in his 95 year old Grandma is who you tell YOU ARE NOT HER CAREGIVER, PERIOD.
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Reply to Dawn88
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You say "I have a full time job, and cannot do this".
You let your boyfriend know that he is now in charge and that his mom will need to go into care.
If your boyfriend allows an "unsafe discharge" back to a home where there is no care you let him do the care himself.

You are a GIRLFRIEND. This isn't your problem.
If things aren't going well in the home, then you will need to move out and choose better next time, make better joint-decisions for your household, and etc.
You are a grown adult. If mom's 95 then her kids aren't innocents at the beginning of adulthood. So you should be trusted to make best decisions for your own life, and to pay consequences of bad decisions. That's kind of what it's all about.

Sure wish you good luck. The answers are often simple. Stay or go. But TOUGH. You have my sympathy.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Don’t do it.
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Reply to Bulldog54321
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You refuse. And why would your boyfriend not live with you both? It may be time to strike out on your own.
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Reply to LoopyLoo
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I agree with Geaton. Get her to the ER and tell the social worker there that her family abandoned her. Then pack up her things and drop them off at your boyfriend's house.

How did this situation come about? Why was she living with you? Was she paying you rent? Does your boyfriend or another family have her POA?

I wish you a speedy resolution to this situation.
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Reply to MG8522
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If she is bedridden, I would call 911 and tell them that she is in distress, lie through your teeth, when they take her to the hospital you tell them that she was a room mate and has no one to care for her.

It is not your responsibility to care for a room mate, just because someone shares your address doesn't make them your problem.

Gosh, I hope you get rid of the boyfriend, who is no friend, and his uncaring family. I can not imagine dropping out on my grandma, tells you who and what these people are.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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