My boyfriend won't marry me til his Mother dies! Any advice?

Dave, I know you prefaced your handy pillbook comments that someone needed a sense of humor to read the rest of your message, but I honestly do feel it was in poor taste to joke about a pill exit strategy.

Pfontes, well written and reflective of balance and a lot of insight.

Pam, there are at least 2 other threads, perhaps 3, of women in similar conditions. Some have been unable to see the reality of waiting for someone who uses his parent as an excuse.

Take PFontes' advice - recognize the positives as well as the negatives and make your decision, but don't ever expect someone to change if he's as adamant as your friend is. This is NOT a priority for him.

He may even had an Oedipal complex - one never knows.

Thanks for all the responses. I kinda feel you are all right. I feel foolish and stupid. Even if I had asked him earlier on I probably would have thought I could change the way he felt. I'm a great girlfriend and I feel I am a pretty good catch. Shame on him. Thanks everyone.

pfontes, excellent advice. I agree.

Pam - I truly understand - we're the same age, you & I - and I've been in your shoes more than once. So please let me advise that you haven't "wasted" a year - you've had a relationship...and relationships are never wasted time,,,,each relationship (good and bad) is a learning experience. People come in and out of our lives for a reason,,,you learn something from each one. You love him - but your priorities are different. I'd bet the "not until mama dies" is not the real reason - sounds like it's the most convenient for him to say. Most men in the pond we're fishing from have experiences that turn them away from the marriage commitment,,,mama has nothing to do with it.

It's hard to be our age and in search of THE happy ending. It seems like we're competing with younger gals with smoother faces and not so many "war wounds" like stretchmarks and crows' feet. But real men in our age category don't all fall at the feet of younger women, but appreciate us for the beauty we radiate...and beautiful includes wrinkles and a little extra padding here and there.

If Prince Charming here doesn't want to commit to marriage and marriage is important to you - step back. Consider the successes you've achieved in the relationship, then look at the mistakes that were made - Give yourself credit for your successful conduct and make note of what mistakes to avoid next time: What red flags you ignored, what mistakes you made yourself, what qualities in a partner you wanted but overlooked because this one was so darned cute.... Then tell Prince Charming that you have different goals and you love him,,,but you're gonna have to step back into just being friends and seeing other people. You have every right to pursue the type of relationship you want.

This ain't him at the moment, Pam. Who knows? Could be him at a later date (when he is ready)...but for now,,,,take a break to find a peaceful & balanced finish in yourself regarding this particular relationship - and when you're ready, Mr. Right may just appear - the universe has a way of doing that.

Good luck and peace be with you.

I know that is. It is a suicide pill. Not funny at all.

I offer this half in jest. If you have no sense of humor do not read this.



please offer this to your x-boyfriend for his 89 yr. old mom The Peaceful Pill eHandbook is the best available information currently available on end of life choices. The Peaceful Pill eHandbook employs Exit's unique Reliability-Peacefulness Test to rank the most important/ effective/ peaceful end-of-life strategies.

Better yet become his friend with benefits. She could live to be a hundred

You might want to read about this on nolo website.
I also meant to say that I am sorry you wasted a year out of your life to find this out. Best not to waste any more time, and to move on. This is about him, not about you.

Could it be a money issue? In other words, as I understand it, whatever money a person had before you married that person is HIS or HERS, legally. Whatever, money that was accrued while you were married, is jointly held. I may be wrong on this.

"Whats in a mans heart comes out of thier mouth.".Proverbs-Read between his mind and heart,,if he wanted to marry YOU he would have talk about it before you gave him a choice ,this or that buddy~,Get out and get moving i know at our age we need Security,,That is what Woman want that ans communication..honesty..Its not Much to ask for ,,But men think the opposite way..Especially if He was married Before,,So You don't need him to feel LOVED and Whole, young lady..~ Work on Your Gifts God gave you(personality,emotional state,,knowing God Loves You More than You can understand..Because through Jesus you are able to be Loved By God through Jesus,,His Love Never Fails.(.Google joycemeyers) Your made Perfect in the Image of God,,(google that and see who You really are~~Sometimes We don't know who we are and why we are here,,ouart plans in life and the pains(trials we go through),,A person or thing(money jewelry fast cars) cant fill that HOLE (empty feeling )in our Heart..Only Jesus can,,Trust me been there done that ,,Hope this helps ,,I f I can help in any way,,let me know.

He's made his decision very clear and I agree with the others: move on.

Move on. Watch the movie Moonstruck if you need further convincing.

You wasted a year. You should have asked sooner. You should move on.

This is very sad, and very harsh, but I think it is better to face reality and move on than to hold false hope.

You are not issuing ultimatums. You are making decisions about your own life, as you certainly should be.

Move on.