Mom has limited resources, is deaf as a rock, and has mild dementia as well as many medical conditions. She is a resident of California where she receives Medicare and medical. She was sent to us by her other son but without any resources. We cannot move her here permanently and just are struggling to give her care. Do we have options and what are they? Can we send her back to California and get the state involved with her care? She has had numerous stays in rehab facilities there.
Mia, Mia, believe me when I tell you that it is much better that you only help behind the scene. If you were allowed in to help, you would get to do the brunt of the work, day in, day out, day after day, until you are burned out.
Your BF needs to know the full story of his mother's finances so he can apply for Medical in Florida for her. Once she's approved, she can be placed in a facility where she can be cared for. If you BF's health does not allow him to take charge of his mom's care, and no other relative steps up, that responsibility might need to be turned over to the state.
Is Mom living with you? Sorry if you said already, I missed it.
Did you get a say in this before she arrived in your world?
I am terribly sorry that you are going through this.
This seems to be an impossible situation. I don’t know how you will be able to manage caring for her.
At some point she will have to find other caregivers.
Again, I am sorry for your troubling situation.
Wishing you all the best.
Well, I hope to not sound mean, but both these men need to put their heads together and get mom care that's NOT in their homes. They need to focus on their own care.
Having just gotten through cancer, but not fully recovered yet, I couldn't fathom being in charge of the day-to-day of a really ill person.
If the aunt is so determined that mom live 'there', then take mom 'there' to auntie's house and do a drop and run. Aunt cannot manipulate everyone into doing her will. IF SHE wants her sister in care, she should be doing it, as the other people involved are SICK.
I do not know anything about MediCal or even Medicaid. You probably need to chat with an elder care lawyer, or simply let aunt handle this.
Take it from one cancer survivor--you have days that are not so bad and some that are so bad you want to quit TX. It took me months to figure out to care for myself and not feel guilty about not being everything for everyone like I was used to doing.
And BLESS YOUR HEART for doing a thankless job. Most people would cut and run--you are kind to help in this no-win situation!
he didn’t even tell his brother about the genetic based cancer he got 4 years ago. Maybe we could have caught it earlier if he had. Brother is not my favorite person in the world. In fact, I hate him.
(he probably does take good care of mom when she is there tho he wouldn’t make her wear a hearing aid and that may have contributed to her dementia symptoms).
If mom needs just board and care, it'll cost anywhere from $3,000-$4,500/mo but again, that's basically for immobile seniors who need help with ADLs or seniors with mild cognitive impairment or urinary incontinence.
I would gladly pay more taxes to know we can all be taken care of as we age, no matter our means. But that’s not how it is.
Was she living with the other brother? For how long? Were there problems?
Why did you agree to take her into your house if you can’t care for her?
the brother also has cancer and again, not getting much info from him. It angers me because he has had cancer for 4 years and never told my boyfriend what to look out for. Be that as it may, he has had a number of debilitating surgeries, and is due for one more. He has speculated with other family that he might not make it, not be able to care for mom if he does make it. We suspect he still needs her money though we cannot know this, he won’t give us information. So he sent mom here.
We did not agree to her coming but her sister really wanted her to come. My boyfriend is able to take care of of the sister , his aunt, but the severity of the care his mom needs is proving to be too much for him and we are struggling to find solutions.
we believe her chances of getting good nursing care are better in Cali than in Florida.
my god, this is long winded. But this is what is happening. I am tremendously worried about my boyfriend. I’m afraid the stress will aggravate his cancer, plus he is due for another surgery and post surgery treatments in Jan. I don’t think he can do this, neither does he. We are just unsure what we can do for the mom. If anything. There is no other family that has the resources or interest to help.
sorry for the long reply.