My aunt is 75, she is planning to rent her house and stay in different houses including mine for several months. How do I tell her no?

I think past generations were more casual in their attitudes about ‘dropping in’ on people. I remember one of my dad’s old service buddies showed up at our door out of the blue! Daddy let him stay with us for a while. But it’s a new day! It isn’t acceptable these days.

Tell your aunt just what you told us.

Say, you don’t wish to hurt her feelings, that you value her love and your relationship but you need your privacy so and are raising a child, so it won’t work out.

Ask if she would like you to help her look at independent living facilities if she is planning on staying a long time. Tell her that they also have assisted living in the same building, should she need it at a later date.

If she isn’t staying too long, she can do an extended stay hotel, or perhaps a six month lease apartment to lease.

Tell her that there are many options to choose from and stress the amenities that they offer.

I know that this is awkward and I am quite sure that her love is genuine for you but you have already decided that you would never take her in. So, the only thing left to do is tell her.

One last thing, how would you feel about blaming your husband and say that he isn’t keen on having guests in your home? Some people do that, they blame their spouse.

Maybe then, she wouldn’t take it personally, or she would feel that is isn’t coming from you.

Unfortunately, auntie, having house guests just doesn't work for our busy lifestyle with my husband and young daughter. I'd be happy to help you find an extended stay hotel to stay at and we can have lunch a few times during your visit so we can catch up.

I would be very hesitant to have her stay with you at all, given her situation and desire to become a permanent fixture in your young family's life.

Make it known now, in no uncertain terms, that YOU are not going to be her future caregiver and that she needs to make arrangements in a senior living residence with a continuum of care. It's very presumptuous of her to expect to move in with you for months on end, uninvited, and to be taken care of by you in her declining years!

Good luck!

First, you do not need to worry about hurting the feelings of someone who thinks it is ok to invited themselves for an extended stay.

Simply tell her that it is not possible for her to come for an extended stay. Full stop, no additional explanation needed.

You could tell her you are happy to look into long stay accommodations nearby, but you do not owe her or anyone an explanation as to why you do not want them to stay with you.