I have an aunt who I’m struggling to help and I could use some advice. A little background: She suffered a series of strokes about 6 years ago which has left her with some cognitive issues (memory, personality changes, mood swings, judgement, etc.). Her husband, who was her primary caregiver recently passed away. She is 78 years old, lives 6 miles outside of town and she does not drive, therefore is dependent on others to help her. Her personality is such that she is extremely stubborn and she will not accept advice or help unless she asks for it and then only on her terms. She’s pushed away many of the local friends who have helped her in the past. I’m worried that her judgement is such that she does not care for herself well (she doesn’t seem to eat much/well, not sure if she’s taking her medications, uses poor judgement). She is scared to live alone in her house but does not want to leave. One day she will be receptive to the idea of moving into an assisted living/senior community and the next day she refuses to even consider it. She’s gone back and forth dozens of times. She will not accept help from anyone in moving forward with anything and is becoming more agitated and reclusive. I’m concerned that it’s time to bring in a professional to do an assessment. I don’t think she can oversee her own care anymore but if she will not accept help willingly, what’s the alternative?

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you could try picking out a few AL facilities to get prices and to meet the staff. take a look at the rooms and common areas. then ask her if she wanted to go see a few "senior villages". tell her its only to 'look'

offer to take her to a doctor appointment if she hasn't been for a physical lately. encourage her better to 'nip in the bud' for any health concerns.

try to keep in touch so she feels you are not bossing her but that you truly want to be her niece that you can trust.

I tried to keep in touch with my aunt. she had her side of the family too, but I liked her a lot and wanted to help her.(she was still doing ok)

but I could SEE her changing personality - like trying to help her get out of my car. to doctor appt. SHE would GRAB her purse, as if I was going to take it from her??

if she is not eating well and drinking(water etc) eventually this will affect her well-being.

either that or eventually something will happen that she will end up in hospital.

you could still call for an assessment I don't have any experience in that. maybe they have ideas on how to "assess" without the person knowing ??
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It's worth a try. She may be eligible for services that could help her stay in her home such as Meals on Wheels and occupational therapy.

I think getting a 3rd party in there can only help.
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