The 'safety first' mob here jumped in fast didn't we! We are on your side!
A social worker told me this (when you lack the power to make changes yourself): 1. Advise 2. Let them decide 3. Let the consequences then shape their next decision
Also, to build as much safety around as you can - sometimes working behind the scenes if you cannot get on stage. Your Uncle is in the lead role here. You ARE doing what you can to support. The tracker is a big win.
I was also told by a counsellor it can take up to 10 times to have a chat about safety/illness etc for it to sink in for some elders. Uncle may well have a level of denial, but slowly he may experience the loss & grief & be ready to make changes.
'Safety first mob'? More like 'Common sense mob'. You can't let eldersthat are out of it from dementia or toddlers wander around without supervision. If the aunt's husband is going to be stubborn about her condition or doing what she needs to stay safe at home, then the family has to go over his head and involve the state. Then they do all the deciding.
Thank you, everyone, but just so you know, I and the rest of my family have been telling my uncle for a year now that she needs constant supervision, even giving him names and contact info for caregivers, and lining up appointments at a memory care facility. He won’t do it. It’s taken months just for him to be willing to use a tracker for her. He’s finally decided on Safe Tracks, and I want to order it for him before he changes his mind.
Please don’t tell me horror stories about what can happen to wanderers because I am well aware. And please don’t judge me. If I can get my uncle to even use a tracker for her as step 1, that is a major win. I’m doing all that I can for family members who don’t want to accept help.
If your Uncle in not the DPoA or legal guardian for his wife then you and your other family members can call APS to report BOTH of them as vulnerable adults. Your Uncle obviously is no longer making good judgements, which can be a symptom of dementia. If he is in decline, then caring for her is probably overwhelming and that's why he is paralyzed in making decisions, or is terrified of "nursing homes" or being alone. None of this is in your Aunt's "best interests".
We aren't trying to judge you — many of us have been in your exact position and are giving you insights into the future of this situation that you can't see now because you're needing to be focused on the present crisis.
In many states you can anonymously report to APS. We encourage you to use this as part of your strategy to help your Aunt and get her appropriate care sooner rather than later.
Your aunt is out of her mind from dementia. Tracking her with a GPS is not the answer. Would anyone put a GPS tracker on a two-year-old then leave him to it? No. They would not because the baby doesn't have the mental capacity to manage on his own. Neither does your aunt with dementia. She needs to be placed now. A memory care facility where she can't wander into danger. Is she alone? I hope not. If she's still at home then a live-in caregiver who will care for her during the day, then lock her in her bedroom at night.
Anther horror story - neighbour wandered at night onto main road. Hit by car, # hip, deemed unable to survive surgery so died after a month of being bed-ridden.
Please look into prevention for wandering as a priority, as well as trackers.
Memory care now! A tracker device can’t keep her safe. There are many horror stories about wandering dementia patients. And if someone catches up with them through tracking the device, that doesn’t mean the patient will go with them to safety.
There are a lot of products there are good and bad about most. Will she keep it on? what happens if the battery dies and you are unaware of that until she goes missing. ? will the tracker lose signal in remote areas or in a building? Is there a range that she needs to be within in order to pick up a signal?
She must be supervised at all times EVEN WITH a tracking device. I am sure many people go missing every year even while being "under supervision" not just seniors but children as well.
If you can not provide that needed supervision then someone needs to hire someone or she needs to be placed in memory Care for her own safety.
The answer to 'wandering dangerously' is not a GPS tracker watch, but keeping the woman safe behind locked doors in either Memory Care Assisted Living or with a caregiver at home who will watch her 24/7!! I used to care for a gentleman who managed to wander out at night, alone, and fell in the street. He wasn't found for a few hours, and by the time he was rushed to the ER by ambulance, he was found to have suffered a subdural hematoma that killed him shortly thereafter.
Wandering is one of 100 things a demented elder can get into when left alone. Burning the house down is one, mixing chemicals together and asphyxiating herself is another.........there are too many scenarios to mention. The risks to an elder with dementia are infinite. Just falling alone in the home is a huge risk and not one that a watch would remedy.
Please do the right thing and have your Aunt cared for properly in either Memory Care AL or with a full time caregiver at home.
if you're assuming she'll keep a watch or necklace or some sort of tracking device on her body, she will not remember to keep it on and if she removes it she won't remember where she put it or what it's for.
And (I know they're not the same) but when FitBits first came out I got one for myself, only to find out that "something" in the device or band gave me a terrible rash to the point I had to give it up because it was painful and didn't go away while I attempted to wearrr it. Something to do with the electronics because I'd never had that problem with any other watch or bracelet I've ever worn. Senior skin is very sensitive.
Wandering is not the only thing dangerous she may do: things like leaving the gas stove on, driving??, talking to scammers who call or mail her, falling, not taking medication correctly, not remembering to eat, etc.
Your Aunt really needs to be in Memory Care or have 24/7 aids because she is in constant decline and this is just a temporary "patch" to an ever worsening problem.
Facility time.
The 'safety first' mob here jumped in fast didn't we! We are on your side!
A social worker told me this (when you lack the power to make changes yourself):
1. Advise
2. Let them decide
3. Let the consequences then shape their next decision
Also, to build as much safety around as you can - sometimes working behind the scenes if you cannot get on stage. Your Uncle is in the lead role here.
You ARE doing what you can to support. The tracker is a big win.
I was also told by a counsellor it can take up to 10 times to have a chat about safety/illness etc for it to sink in for some elders. Uncle may well have a level of denial, but slowly he may experience the loss & grief & be ready to make changes.
Best wishes to you through this process.
If the aunt's husband is going to be stubborn about her condition or doing what she needs to stay safe at home, then the family has to go over his head and involve the state. Then they do all the deciding.
Consider showing these responses to uncle.
Consider reporting to APS that Aunt is a vulnerable adult not being cared for safely. APS might succeed in getting Uncle to do the right thing.
and lining up appointments at a memory care facility. He won’t do it. It’s taken months just for him to be willing to use a tracker for her. He’s finally decided on Safe Tracks, and I want to order it for him before he changes his mind.
Please don’t tell me horror stories about what can happen to wanderers because I am well aware. And please don’t judge me. If I can get my uncle to even use a tracker for her as step 1, that is a major win. I’m doing all that I can for family members who don’t want to accept help.
We aren't trying to judge you — many of us have been in your exact position and are giving you insights into the future of this situation that you can't see now because you're needing to be focused on the present crisis.
In many states you can anonymously report to APS. We encourage you to use this as part of your strategy to help your Aunt and get her appropriate care sooner rather than later.
She needs to be placed now. A memory care facility where she can't wander into danger.
Is she alone? I hope not. If she's still at home then a live-in caregiver who will care for her during the day, then lock her in her bedroom at night.
Please look into prevention for wandering as a priority, as well as trackers.
More supervision is often vital.
I agree, you need to realize when your Aunt can no longer be left alone and placing her is needed.
there are good and bad about most.
Will she keep it on?
what happens if the battery dies and you are unaware of that until she goes missing. ?
will the tracker lose signal in remote areas or in a building?
Is there a range that she needs to be within in order to pick up a signal?
She must be supervised at all times EVEN WITH a tracking device.
I am sure many people go missing every year even while being "under supervision" not just seniors but children as well.
If you can not provide that needed supervision then someone needs to hire someone or she needs to be placed in memory Care for her own safety.
Wandering is one of 100 things a demented elder can get into when left alone. Burning the house down is one, mixing chemicals together and asphyxiating herself is another.........there are too many scenarios to mention. The risks to an elder with dementia are infinite. Just falling alone in the home is a huge risk and not one that a watch would remedy.
Please do the right thing and have your Aunt cared for properly in either Memory Care AL or with a full time caregiver at home.
And (I know they're not the same) but when FitBits first came out I got one for myself, only to find out that "something" in the device or band gave me a terrible rash to the point I had to give it up because it was painful and didn't go away while I attempted to wearrr it. Something to do with the electronics because I'd never had that problem with any other watch or bracelet I've ever worn. Senior skin is very sensitive.
Wandering is not the only thing dangerous she may do: things like leaving the gas stove on, driving??, talking to scammers who call or mail her, falling, not taking medication correctly, not remembering to eat, etc.
Your Aunt really needs to be in Memory Care or have 24/7 aids because she is in constant decline and this is just a temporary "patch" to an ever worsening problem.