When my sister was here for 3 months she made a comment about an odor coming from my mother. My sister has a very sensitive nose and I don't. I have been staying with my mother for 3 years helping to care for her companion of over 40 years. I had no trouble with him eating what I cooked, taking a shower every other day as long as I helped him, and entertaining his mind with games. Mom is a different species! She got a mind of her own, feels that she is in control and never mind that she has Dementia and Alzheimer’s. So, when my sister made her comment, I was able to get mom to take a shower once a week and put on clean clothes and wear shoes instead of bedroom slippers when she went out. My sister is gone and things have gone back the way it used to be. My sister gave her a meal 3 times a day; for me, she takes 1 or 2 bites then puts it in the refrigerator in a plastic bag like she will eat it the next day. HAH! She rather go to Burger King and not eat any leftovers. Back to the shower: I ask her to take a shower and she argues that she already took one. NOT TRUE! How do I know? The shower chair is still in the shower, the towel and wash cloth are as dry as a bone and SHE HAS TROUBLE TURNING ON THE SHOWER! It’s just she and I in this house - who turned on the shower??? She used to weight 135 and now she is down to 117. Clothes are hanging off her but she says she has plenty of clothes. Her shoes are too tight because her feet have spread because she only wears those hospital socks, but she claims she has plenty of shoes in the closet (THEY DON'T FIT). I tell her if you don't shower, we cannot go out to buy shoes or clothes that fit. Her response, “I GOT PLENTY"! I order online and she don't like anything that comes.
Am I rambling? I need to attend a group session!
Last few years ie I, surprised your mother is safe to shower alone at 96? I did it for dad as well before he died
- Try suggest & supervise.
- Then try tricks & assistance.
- Then try more tricks & bathing her (either shower if safe, using a chair etc) or partial washes at the sink.
Verbal tricks:
Rephrase questions to get the answer you want.
Eg Do you want to bathe? No.
Do want to feel CLEAN? Yes. Oh good!
Physical tricks:
"Oops that shirt is wet" when you need to change clothes.
Failing all that, keep the hands, face, pits & bits clean with wipes.
Disposable pullups are good. In fact I have been tempted to suggest cutting other soiled clothes off 😜.
You can watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube & she will show you how to help mom in the shower, and how to get INTO the shower in the first place. If you cannot help her for whatever reason, then hire a caregiver to come into the house 2x a week to help your mom bathe. Oftentimes, the elder is more agreeable with an aide than they are with a family member.
As far as food goes, figure out what she likes to eat and offer her 6 small meals a day rather than 3 larger meals as we'd ordinarily eat. She can't eat that way anymore, so 6 small snack-like meals are likely to serve her better. If she likes Burger King, then get her BK a few times a week, who cares? At her age and with dementia/AD going on, she should eat whatever she wants now.
You can't reason with her anymore ie: about the shoes and the clothing, so stop trying to. As long as she has a few pair of shoes and outfits to wear, that's enough.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Here is a list of useful tips from her e-book I found to be excellent:
The “Dont's”
· Do not reason and argue
· Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve
· Do not demand that they remember
· Do not demand that they get their facts straight
· Do not correct their ideas or scold them
· Do not reorient them
· Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose
· Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to
· Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care
· Do not act with impatience
The Do's
· Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world'
· Be aware of their mood or state of mind
· Use few words and simple phrases
· OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions
· Do everything slowly
· Approach from the front
· Wait for a slow response
· Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK'
· Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment
· Maximize use of remaining abilities
· Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real
· Maintain privacy
· Provide a safe physical environment
Go to ALZ.ORG for more information & for an 800 phone number to speak to a live person to get questions answered.
Best of luck.