My brother lives with my mother. He is her primary care giver. He has control issues always wanting to be in charge. He won't talk to me about mom on the phone or during the weekend when I go to his house to care for mom so he can have a break. My mom does not sleep well at night, can not be left alone anymore. But I can not get him to communicate with me. What can I do?
Any time someone is doing as your brother is, CAUTION SIGNS should be somewhere in your mind.
When one gets or has a POA does not mean they obtained it legally and may have purposely forced your Mother to sign so HE MAY BE USING HER MONEY FOR HIMSELF.
You can get a family attorney who can file the Court a demand/proof of how her finances are being handled. You're entitled to know if you suspect ANYTHING, even physical abuse possibility.
Just as my UGLY STEP-SIBLING found out that a POA is NOT CARTE BLANCHE for anyone. It's only a document that had been notarized regarding signature. Your Mom would have most likely, had to sign an acknowledgment in front of the Notary as well as signing the notary log. The Notary must sign an affidavit too that he/she has followed the Notary Rules/Regulations set forth by the Secretary of State.
The Notary MAY HAVE been required to record with the Country Recorder's office. If so, you can go to the office OR on the website to print a copy.
That still doesn't mean he has the "legal" rights of a Guardian or Conservator. Remember, the Notary JUST VERIFIES THE SIGNATURE, NOT THE LEGALITY OF THE DOCUMENT.
The #1 cause of physical, mental, and financial abuse of an elderly person IS A FAMILY MEMBER.
You could also file a complaint with Adult Protection Services. They will "SHOW UP" unannounced. Your brother will be required to let the caseworker in. If he refuses the police become involved.
As Guardian, it does not mean your Mother has to live with you. It means you need to find care for her whether in-home or assisted living.
I live out of State, but I am our Mother's Court appointed Guardian/Conservator. I have to report to the Court annually how many times I visited with Mom, length of time, my observations of she, staff, and the upkeep of the group home.
I have to give an accounting of every single penny from her accounts and the Guardian checking I pay her bills, I CANNOT USE ANY FUNDS FOR MY PERSONAL NEEDS, VERY DETAILED. The income taxes, property taxes, condition of her property. I have to sell the house and ONLY THE COURT can approve of the buyer's offer.
You can have the Court appoint a professional, but their fees can be outrageous.
You can check with the Court to find out if your brother is required to do any of this. You can request a copy of his reporting.
The MAIN issue is he CANNOT LEGALLY KEEP YOU AWAY FROM YOUR MOTHER. HER WELFARE IS YOUR BUSINESS.
I've been doing this for 2 yrs now. I'm having to get an asset divorce for Mom to keep my Step-father's children from her money. THEY OWE COMMUNITY DEBT OF JUST UNDER $100.000 AS AZ IS 50%-50% COMMUNITY PROPERTY/DEBT STATE. Mom owned everything/investments before the marriage. I'm going to Court next month and UGLY STEP-SISTER and her attorney will have a number of surprises coming their way. She wouldn't play nice, so now it's my turn. Don't mess with my Mother!
Stand up for yourself and your Mom. Brother can be hiding a lot. He could be spending her retirement benefits and her SSA. Something isn't right Toto.
He now hasn’t let me or my sons see or speak to her in over 2 years. He’s a control freak just like your brother.........watch out for him! Mine took my mom to a lawyer & had her sign DPOA with unlimited power & amended her long standing trust to benefit him 100%.
what he is doing might be called poor communication skills...but not illegal.
you might just have to accept this unless you want to get into a legal battle which could very well land you as the person responsible
Best wishes to you.