My 94-year-old mom thinks young men "want" her. Any advice on how to handle this?


Embarrassingly, my 94-yr-old mother flirts shamelessly with waiters, bag boys, maintenance men, bank tellers -- you name it -- the younger the better. Then she tells me, "WELL, he needn't think I'd ever go out with HIM." This was once funny, but now it's super annoying. She is extremely hard of hearing (denies it vehemently) and thinks everyone tells her she is beautiful, even though they're really saying "what salad dressing do you want?" Then she brags to me about it over and over. And over. And over...

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This too shall pass.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to 97yroldmom

Poor Mom. She needs to revisit the time when she was a lovely and charming young woman, being flattered and feeling desirable.

I'd just let it go, even though it does annoy you. Instead, think of the gratification she's getting. It's better than being depressed. Just step back behind her, make eye contact with the men, and wink knowingly or roll your eyes. They'll get the message that you're aware of the inappropriateness of her behavior.

Something similar happened when a woman with dementia was moved into the same hospital room when I had an appendectomy. She was bragging about her sexual escapades, pulling up her gown to reveal what she thought were still desirable specific anatomical appendages, hitting on the men (or alternating swearing at them).

She was even repeatedly telling the tale of when she was raped by several men, but it wasn't done with agonizing recollection. I think she felt more attractive, in that all these men desired her.

If I ever get dementia and begin rambling, I suspect it'll either be about plants or surveys and title work.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to GardenArtist

I think this is the adult version of parents embarrassing their teenage kids!
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to surprise

As a male caregiver, I have elderly women say sexual things to me too. From my perspective, it honestly doesn't bother me in the slightest. I understand they are elderly and either confused or simply don't care. It's humorous more than anything. I'd say let her have her fun. At 94 years old, she deserves to. Everyone should be understanding of her situation and if they aren't, that's their problem.
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Reply to Caregiverology

Honestly as long as, no one tries to take advantage of her ..I think id just enjoy it. If she gets a kick out of thinking they want her and its not really effecting her dress or medication taking or shes not giving money away etc. Shrugs let her think it .
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to baskethill1

wow she sounds like a real character! has she always been like that?
your profile says she suffers depression. does she act as perky at home?

im sure as much as it embarrasses you, the subjects of her flirting probably don't really mind!

I understand it can get annoying. I get annoyed at my mom LOTS too, and then I feel guilty.

do you think your mom is secretly insecure - maybe just go along with it each time and tell her how beautiful and smart she is. and how young looking she is. maybe that's what she needs to hear
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to wally003