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Romeo, Come Stai?

We lived in Santa Margherita Ligure on the water closer to Paraggi. In an UNESCO area. So beautiful.

We moved there after I got a false positive diagnosis for breast cancer - it took a full year afterwards to verify that the diagnosis was false. Luckily, I didn't have chemo or surgery before it was clear that I was negative for breast cancer. My husband and I were so giddy with relief that we sold our home and took the proceeds to live in Europe for 5 years; 4 years in Italy and 1 year in France. These were the best years of my life. And we were young and healthy enough to enjoy the experiences fully.

I'd give almost anything to move back to Italy, but now we are too old to deal with Italy's lovely chaos, the day to day magical carnival of living in Italy...the feast for all the senses.
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AlvaDeer Sep 2024
Lost in place, it's a lovely place. I so loved it!
All the trompe le oeil--MAGNIFICENT.
Color me PEA GREEN WITH ENVY.
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Lost: Fa Bene! Ciao! Yes, the Italians are colorful in every way and if you love history as I love to study Ancient History, it is one big museum. We traveled all over Italy - right now our hearts are set on spending many months in Spain, Portugal and France (been there many times too), and we have to finish Germany and other countries. Even though we traveled extensively and drove through Europe, I am also envious. You sound like my parents just moving for the heck of it to enjoy another way of life.

PS: I had a double mastectomy with NO reconstruction - totally flat - I had Stage II aggressive ER PR positive breast cancer with Lymphovascular Invasion - 5 years out. Had the horrible "Red Devil" chemo, no radiation - chose to remove breasts. Now on an aromatase inhibitor and suffering horrible joint pains and hot flashes, brain fog, nervousness, insomnia, gained 20 pounds, lost 20 pounds - just a basket case. Going for my next scan to see if lung nodules are metastatic. More worried about my husband. Hopefully, you are doing ok.
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This is actually to AnxietyNacy:

I read your response to LostinPlace’s time living in Italy that you “have to go to Ireland….” I just wanted to let you know that Ireland is quite beautiful as well! One of our favorite countries to visit. Get your Green on!!
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If NO ONE will claim the Kewpie Doll for number 100 post, then here I am to do so.
(pf course)

You can mail it to
Number 2 Yellow Brick Road
Somewhere Special
No zip.
Use a Forever stamp. I have stuff going out from my will with them!
My love to all for this entertaining post. May it go on forever!
And may the USPS forever honor "forever" stamps.
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Actually, my husband is Irish - grandmother had a brogue. My Dad used to fly Pan Am into Shannon and he said the breakfast was not to be believed - so good-eggs, bacon wow. My husband and I were not able to bring Lucius with us due to the quarantine rules years ago. I don't think they have to be quarantined anymore. We did travel to London. So hopefully, we can visit after all of our health issues are done with. I would love to hear other people's travel experiences even in our country and I asked the other night - what happened to the post about "what did you have for dinner"? Does anyone remember that?
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sp1969: My Dad has NOT driven our cars. I am making excuses for him not to. He will be buying his own car and getting his own insurance. They have enough money to eat and has money for his car and since he stopped paying for my brother and he sold his other car he can get one. We are not paying the rent here and he doesn't have a mortgage since he sold the condo. They want to pay us back, which is impossible. We don't want him to. We are very comfortable financially right now, even with all of the years helping them out. He said he will just have enough money for a facility if need be - just making it.
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Alva: I think my other post when I signed in as Maximus was 300 posts? I have to go back and check that. It's been actually fun in a "crazy" way for all of us.
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Romeo, how old is your Dad? How good is his walking? Eyesight? Memory & reaction time?

Do you think it a wise decision he buy a car & drive?
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Oops, duplicated. So edited.

And how mobile is Mom? Get in & out of the car OK with just your Dad. Is she trustworthy as a passenger? Wears her seatbelt? Any yelling "Slow down!" in panic?

Any concerns that would decrease their safety?

I remember driving like a snail with my 80-something Grandma while she clutched on for dear life. She was a good passenger until her eyesight worsened.
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This isn't about my parents - it's about my 65 year old husband - he's going on a business trip and he is exhausted, can hardly speak and is in pain from post radiation and chemo from his Tonsil Cancer. He still has a feeding tube and is going to bring all of his meds and food with him. He didn't take any sick leave or disability during the entire time - just fell asleep a little. Besides my parents, I have to deal with this too. I thought I had/have it bad with my Breast Cancer (posted about me the other day to Lost poster) - he's 100 times worse. I'm actually angry about this. He's going to retire in March when I turn 65. We are financially fine. He's immune compromised, like a poster said and he can hardly stand up because of his weight loss. They're all going to send me to a psychiatric ward!
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sp196902 Sep 2024
He should tell his work that no he can't go because of ...... and they will have to make other arrangements. Can this be done via a zoom call from home without him having to travel?

His chances of getting sicker by traveling may put him in the hospital due to his weakened immune system and constant pain.

What's the worst they do fire him? He would have a great lawsuit if they did that.

Now's the time for him to take some sick leave or disability leave. I am sure his oncologist/doctor could write a scrip telling his work he is not able to fly or travel due to the feeding tube, constant pain and weakened immunity.
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He's leaving tomorrow. He's an Attorney/Lobbyist and Vice President in the company and HE wants to attend besides his boss saying it too. This is INSANE and I have no control over it! They're all driving me crazy - I am having lung issues and they're going to kill me. I just needed to vent.
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Hothouseflower Sep 2024
This is a reckless decision your husband is making. Has his doctor cleared him to travel? From what you describe, I think not.

I also don't think his boss realizes the extent of his medical problems. If he did, shame on him for insisting he should be going. What kind of person does that? It sounds like a high pressure situation and he certainly will not be on his game.

Ask him what he plans to do if he keels over away from home and ends up in the hospital. What are his expectations as to what should happen if he can't get back home? Does he have a plan? What are his expectations as to what you should do given your situation with your family? There is a high likelihood that it could play out this way and he should really think about this.
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Maybe DH is going on a business trip to get some peace and quite from the chaos that is his home life.

Something to think about romeo.
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Romeo13 Sep 2024
I thought about it, of course, but he has a new boss, who started when my husband got his diagnosis and probably feels, on both sides - it's about time.
Look, it's out of my hands and I'm sure he'll manage, but what will happen when he gets home - he collapses from the whole ordeal?
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I know - what's wrong with him??? He's in NO condition to go. I'm just beside myself!
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LostinPlace Sep 2024
Romeo, how far away will your husband be travelling and how long will he be gone?

Is it possible for you to go with him on this business trip? You could stay in a hotel nearby and self pay. That would be so much safer for him and reduce your anxiety. Plus, it would be a chance to get away from home for awhile.
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Anyway, my Dad and husband went to Home Depot for something and my Mom is all by herself with her dog upstairs. My husband said he needed to get me a house key because I lost my key, but I could have done that. My husband said don't worry about mom - she can call you or us. I spoke to her and I told her I am down here packing and want to get it over with. I left her alone at night while my Dad was in the hospital and if I had to work, or I was on vacation or died - she'd have to be alone - right? Here I go again. I'm really trying.
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Lost - He's only going to Atlanta - leaving tomorrow, returning Tuesday evening. I cannot go because I have no one to care for Romeo. I was able to bring Lucius with me everywhere, like I said all over Europe, planes, trains, automobiles, boats and he was quiet. This little guy is a handful and still in training. If need be, my parents could watch him, but they have their own little dog and Romeo is not used to anyone else handling him, except his trainer who lives in Maryland and I can't get there right now. If I had to go to a hospital or died - I have people in my complex that could help, but not right now. Thanks.
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Hothouseflower Sep 2024
You can board Romeo. Might not be what you would prefer but under the circumstances it is a good option. Your husband might benefit from your support.
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Hi Hope - he can function, but he gets tired very easily. Yes, he's in pain. I had a double mastectomy with no reconstruction and I was in pain, but I moved around. He can move, but like I said he gets very tired. Look he went to Home Depot to get me a key which I lost - he worries about me too. Nothing "unusual" is happening here, just a dedicated worker and husband. Thank you.
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Hopeforhelp22 Sep 2024
Hi Romeo - I understand your saying that he's a dedicated worker/husband - but you said that he can hardly speak from his tonsil cancer - so how productive can he be taking this business trip if he can hardly talk? It's such a strain he's placing on himself - it's terrible that the law firm he works in wouldn't recognize that.
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@anxietynacy,

It's normal to stress about an upcoming trip that will take you far away, especially to a place where you haven't been to before.

I was REALLY scared and tense before we moved to Italy, it was a relief to get on the plane and the feeling of excitement replaced the fears.

Ireland is gorgeous and low key...almost like a fairy tale of enchanted lands, winding country roads, hobbit houses hidden behind hedges, and castles by the wild sea. Full of colors and nature. The big cities are more boisterous, but still great.
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Sorry, I live in Alexandria, VA - 15 minutes from DC and not even 10 minutes to Reagan National Airport. He's going to Atlanta.
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I want to see Ireland and all the castles - I'm obsessed with Ancient History and I LOVE castles. My husband wants to take me - he was worried I was going to die.
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LostinPlace Sep 2024
Me too, Romeo. I love anything to do with ancient history and architecture.

Maybe we should start a new discussion thread about our dream fantasy of the "perfect" respite vacation. If we could afford it, that is. And if we were healthy enough, or young enough...

I'd personally love to spend time in Greece, Croatia, Turkey, and Vietnam. With a long pit stop in Italy.
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Hi Lost: Last time I was in Istanbul, Turkey was when I was about maybe 15 and we were waiting for my Dad to come down and these Turkish men were hitting on my gorgeous Mom - which she still is. Loved the Acropolis in Athens and went to Rhodes and as for Croatia - we traveled all over back, which was back then, Yugoslavia and stayed in now Montenegro at the King's Palace for 1 month on the water - not to be believed! Then we took a ferry to Italy and we all got soooo sick! Never been to Asia - the furthest trip for us was Buenos Aires, Argentina. I just hope we can do this again like you said. I feel so sorry for my parents who will never be able to travel again - that was their passion.
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I just want to thank everyone on this forum from the bottom of my heart. You have ALL helped me in so many ways. I am drained and could cry right now from having mixed emotions. Seeing my parents literally not the same people, even though "you don't change the spots on a leopard", but seeing them losing their memory recently has been devasting for me. My mom goes from being the sweetest person to be so cranky and my Dad was again trying to prove how they needed him to do a mission in the Airforce. I'm literally drained tonight. It was 11 pm and they asked us to stay longer. My husband has a business trip tomorrow like I mentioned. I'm so tired of trying to appease them. It's only been 11/2 months and I'm miserable.
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sp196902 Sep 2024
Nothing changes if nothing changes. And nothing is going to change.

You and your DH refuse to put yourselves and your health and well being ahead of your parents wants.

Although they are 97 and 93 they will probably outlive both of you at this rate.
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"It was 11 pm and they asked us to stay longer."

Sorry to be nosy, but what are you doing in their apartment at 11pm?

Wouldn't your Husband have things to do &/or need an early night before his trip?
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Romeo13 Sep 2024
Yes Beatty - another family “affair”.
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I have a lot of issues that I need to change - dog and parents. I need to “will” my dog to someone, just in case. I think his trainer would take him and Romeo loves him and vice versa. Between the both of us not doing good with our health, it’s time to be more serious about Romeo’s wellbeing.
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Beatty Sep 2024
"it’s time to be more serious about Romeo’s wellbeing"

It's time to be more serious about YOUR wellbeing + your husband's wellbeing. ??
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You and husband have your own health problems. Your parents need to go into an AL or hire aides. You two are killing yourself. Do you know that stress contributes to cancer. I know its hard to set boundaries now but you and DH are now Seniors too with health problems. Your parents have to see this.
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I think Romeo's parents took away her phone and locked her and her DH in their spare bedroom so they would never, ever leave.
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Romeo13 Sep 2024
Yeah - I feel like the did that to us. I used to enjoy seeing them after 2 months of not seeing them in Florida. My mother used to say when they started to irritate me after THREE months staying with us when they rented their place so they could travel - The fish starts to stink after 3 days - no mom what about after 3 months????
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Well, my Dad just screamed at me in the garage and he's using "old age" as an excuse. I told him Dad wait I have the keys - he keeps on walking - Dad wait I have the keys - keeps on walking - he turns around and screams at me - I didn't hear you - I said all I was saying was wait I have the keys - why did you yell at me and you need to apologize to me - so my mother says Oh apologize to her after I took her for a ride waiting for Dad to come out of the doctor and bought her dessert and pizza and she said Oh Dad would like dessert, so I replied yes I guess YOU can get dessert for him, meaning you should pay for it. I just bought them dinners and dessert every night this week. I really really don't like being yelled at. They know damn well they are using and irritating me. The least they can say is sorry that we are being cranky. Nope, my mom did say "thank you for helping me" the other night, but they won't admit that they are irritating me and you think they would say sorry??? She keeps on wanting to know what I do in my apartment and today she finally admitted that I must be busy after helping her. Sorry, but even if I get frustrated, they need to understand why and not yell at me. I'm sick and tired of my Dad saying when you reach my age - I told him what do you mean - I'm 64 with more joint pains and issues with my body than you and mom. I just can't bite my tongue any longer, so I screamed back. I'm so upset I can't even write properly.
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MeDolly Sep 2024
Why in the world do you keep overextending yourself for them? Also buying them dinners...why?

What goes on in your head, why can't you stop this behavior?

Please get yourself some therapy, you really need it.
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Ok. I'm wondering if I should change where I post my "rants" because I learned a lot so far about the "what to do" part of this - now I just want to rant while I start figuring out how I can manage them. My Dad is forgetting things like we told him you don't have to go to the bank to deposit a check - the problem is he's getting upset because he's forgetting and he's embarrassed. I must be putting off my frustrations too and they're noticing - but I can't help it and they still comprehend things, so I think they can understand that I'm frustrated, but they will never admit it. Let me know where I can RANT. PS: I just said I decided not to go to the supermarket - it's too late (knowing the have food and she has pizza) and my mom said Oh, it's ok - it's late. I didn't even ask what they're eating. My husband said to let them make mistakes if the ignore you and Dad yelled because he realized that I knew he screwed up. I will NOT be yelled at!
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I was supposed to go for therapy, but of course, something probably turned up!
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Guess what?? My Mom asked are you going to come up and watch the debate with us and your husband and my dad answered for me and said her husband just got home from the business trip - just relax together! See my Dad is more laid back about the "clinginess" - my mom is not. I told them no I won't be back and I just want to sit on my own couch and mom pouted a little and didn't say anything more. She said thank you for everything! What???? This doesn't mean anything. I have a question - why does my mom always look angry even if it's a statement someone makes - is it because she can't hear good or is her brain trying to cope with something? Thank you to everyone again! Love you guys!
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waytomisery Sep 2024
She’s mean and selfish , she will have a mean face. If she has dementia , she’s losing her filter . Her default face is a mean face .
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So my father walks to the supermarket and then doesn't buy bread. My mother said I thought you bought bread yesterday and I said no - it was 4 pm when we got home from our outing. My Dad knew there wasn't bread. If he took a walk and knew there wasn't bread, why didn't he buy it???? Why didn't he say, maybe I should buy an extra loaf, just in case???? I don't like to be questioned about their food. I told them you can order stuff online and even have your medicine delivered. I'm going to stay strong and not run out right this minute - I need to get some provisions for myself, so they can have a later lunch. They'll have to wait. I just told here there is sour cream and bananas. She told me she's eating American cheese, ham and crackers. My Dad wants to go supermarket shopping with me - I hate doing that with him. I like to browse and I refuse to do that. I DO NOT like shopping with anyone in any store - not even my mother. I like peace when I shop, so you guys are right - I'm not going to change my lifestyle for them.
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