Hi everyone, I haven't posted in a while and hope everyone is doing ok. My parents finally moved near us, in fact, in our condo complex and are renting. I packed and unpacked every single box for them and was away from my husband during his chemo and radiation treatments for 2 months so they could move from Florida to Virginia. My husband was with me during my breast cancer journey and I feel awful that I couldn't be there for him. We actually felt their needs were more important, but we have sacrificed our lives for my parents since we were married and before (that's another story in itself!)
Now here's the problem - she is getting upset when I tell her I need to go downstairs to care for my ailing husband and to straighten up my home. She has my Dad who can care for her. I'm starting to resent them being here. I told her I would like to use my own bathroom and I want to put some things away and stay home a little bit. She made a face and asked me why and I said I'll be back later and she said you don't have to - stay down there (angrily). I'm starting to get my nervous stomach back and to be honest I yelled at her the other day. As many posters know, my mom has always been "needy". I will fill you in with details later on, but for now I need help! I am neglecting my husband, my dog and my own needs! Thank you my wonderful friends!
We lived in Santa Margherita Ligure on the water closer to Paraggi. In an UNESCO area. So beautiful.
We moved there after I got a false positive diagnosis for breast cancer - it took a full year afterwards to verify that the diagnosis was false. Luckily, I didn't have chemo or surgery before it was clear that I was negative for breast cancer. My husband and I were so giddy with relief that we sold our home and took the proceeds to live in Europe for 5 years; 4 years in Italy and 1 year in France. These were the best years of my life. And we were young and healthy enough to enjoy the experiences fully.
I'd give almost anything to move back to Italy, but now we are too old to deal with Italy's lovely chaos, the day to day magical carnival of living in Italy...the feast for all the senses.
All the trompe le oeil--MAGNIFICENT.
Color me PEA GREEN WITH ENVY.
PS: I had a double mastectomy with NO reconstruction - totally flat - I had Stage II aggressive ER PR positive breast cancer with Lymphovascular Invasion - 5 years out. Had the horrible "Red Devil" chemo, no radiation - chose to remove breasts. Now on an aromatase inhibitor and suffering horrible joint pains and hot flashes, brain fog, nervousness, insomnia, gained 20 pounds, lost 20 pounds - just a basket case. Going for my next scan to see if lung nodules are metastatic. More worried about my husband. Hopefully, you are doing ok.
I read your response to LostinPlace’s time living in Italy that you “have to go to Ireland….” I just wanted to let you know that Ireland is quite beautiful as well! One of our favorite countries to visit. Get your Green on!!
(pf course)
You can mail it to
Number 2 Yellow Brick Road
Somewhere Special
No zip.
Use a Forever stamp. I have stuff going out from my will with them!
My love to all for this entertaining post. May it go on forever!
And may the USPS forever honor "forever" stamps.
Do you think it a wise decision he buy a car & drive?
And how mobile is Mom? Get in & out of the car OK with just your Dad. Is she trustworthy as a passenger? Wears her seatbelt? Any yelling "Slow down!" in panic?
Any concerns that would decrease their safety?
I remember driving like a snail with my 80-something Grandma while she clutched on for dear life. She was a good passenger until her eyesight worsened.
His chances of getting sicker by traveling may put him in the hospital due to his weakened immune system and constant pain.
What's the worst they do fire him? He would have a great lawsuit if they did that.
Now's the time for him to take some sick leave or disability leave. I am sure his oncologist/doctor could write a scrip telling his work he is not able to fly or travel due to the feeding tube, constant pain and weakened immunity.
I also don't think his boss realizes the extent of his medical problems. If he did, shame on him for insisting he should be going. What kind of person does that? It sounds like a high pressure situation and he certainly will not be on his game.
Ask him what he plans to do if he keels over away from home and ends up in the hospital. What are his expectations as to what should happen if he can't get back home? Does he have a plan? What are his expectations as to what you should do given your situation with your family? There is a high likelihood that it could play out this way and he should really think about this.
Something to think about romeo.
Look, it's out of my hands and I'm sure he'll manage, but what will happen when he gets home - he collapses from the whole ordeal?
Is it possible for you to go with him on this business trip? You could stay in a hotel nearby and self pay. That would be so much safer for him and reduce your anxiety. Plus, it would be a chance to get away from home for awhile.
It's normal to stress about an upcoming trip that will take you far away, especially to a place where you haven't been to before.
I was REALLY scared and tense before we moved to Italy, it was a relief to get on the plane and the feeling of excitement replaced the fears.
Ireland is gorgeous and low key...almost like a fairy tale of enchanted lands, winding country roads, hobbit houses hidden behind hedges, and castles by the wild sea. Full of colors and nature. The big cities are more boisterous, but still great.
Maybe we should start a new discussion thread about our dream fantasy of the "perfect" respite vacation. If we could afford it, that is. And if we were healthy enough, or young enough...
I'd personally love to spend time in Greece, Croatia, Turkey, and Vietnam. With a long pit stop in Italy.
You and your DH refuse to put yourselves and your health and well being ahead of your parents wants.
Although they are 97 and 93 they will probably outlive both of you at this rate.
Sorry to be nosy, but what are you doing in their apartment at 11pm?
Wouldn't your Husband have things to do &/or need an early night before his trip?
It's time to be more serious about YOUR wellbeing + your husband's wellbeing. ??
What goes on in your head, why can't you stop this behavior?
Please get yourself some therapy, you really need it.