My 91-year-old mother with Alzheimer's refuses to let anyone other than family come in to help her or go to a nursing home. What can we do?

I wish I could be of help! My brother and I are in the same boat. My mother lives alone but my brother came up from Florida to be her caregiver (24 hour). She calls him an imposter, is violent, throws her medication away and tells people my brother is really not her son; that "he's an imposter. I visit her often (to give my brother respite) and she just tells me that she is calling the police because I am "in on it".
I'd like to link my probelm with yours so maybe we can both benefit from any advice. I believe my only solution is to put her in a nursing home. We are trying to keep her in her own house as long as possible and give her love, but it is just not working. So far, her PCP has been of no help.

Let the parent know that you are afraid for his (and her) safety. Take him (or her) to the primary care provider for help with the behavioral problem. The underlying cause is dementia or pain. Aricept and anti-depressant will be within the primary care provider's ability to prescribe. Those will be fundamental first steps. Any other condition requiring treatment should be documented and a plan of care outlined. Then be certain that the provider recommends to the parent and you that a better environment would be assisted living (or nursing home care, etc.) and get it documented by the provider. Have a couple of plan options ready to put
in motion (homecare, assisted, nursing home, etc.) One will seem logical
to the parent and you. The momentum will be there. Be strong. Good luck.

Have you tried apealing to her heart. Meet with a nursing home activity director to see if you both can volunteer to meet with a senior resident on a weekly basis. After she gets comfortable going to the same nursing home and being around the same people she may develope friendships. Eventually mom might want to move there to be around others.

DeAnna

Worst case:
If she becomes a danger to herself and others (51/50 police term), call 911. She can be admitted to a hosp. for a geriatric evaluation for a few days. Speak to the doctor (keep a log of dates and facts). Also involve her PCP to determine a course of action / assistance.

Thanks for your great answers -- but my mother is beyond being reasonable or thinking she needs any help with anything. In her mind, she does it all -- cooking & cleaning, but does none of this -- hasn't even cooked in about 4 years. She has ran away twice from 2 different ladies we brought in to help. We tried taking her to an adult home, thinking she might adjust to it because it isrun by my brother's girlfriend, but she refused to ever go inside. Her & my brother stayed outside all day while she fussed & cussed (which she now denies). Her doctor now says our only recourse is to have her declared mentally incompetent which seems like a horrible thing to do. Does anyone know anything about this process? Thank you.

bon,
That's part of the geriatric acessment / evaluation. The doctors determine if she is incompetent. They sign an afidavit to declare competence or not. Your PCP should be involved in this and might know the procedure. That's why I noted that she has to be taken to the hospital....911 with a 51/50 danger call.
Otherwise you and your brother have to go through the court system. You may have to either way. Durable power of attorney, Guardianship, etc..
Sounds like she is going to put up a fight.
Sorry. You're in my prayers.

That would be HER PCP to be involved.
The fact that you are aware she has ALZ is half the battle. It is a debillitating illness and gets progressively worse. At one stage they become belligerent, dellusional, agressive, antagonistic, and a DANGER to themselves & others.
Is she there yet??????

My mom is in an assisted living which also has a memory care unit. visit one and talk to them, they have ways to successfully get your mom in without them really being aware and making them comfortable. you cannot let yourself feel guilty-they have a medical problem which you are not responsible for and did nt cause. It was difficult selling my mom's home and putting her where she is(she thought she was eating, but was not and losing weight and passing out). After a year she is still not really really happy, but says she knows she cannot live alone.