My father is trying to care for my 90 year old mother with dementia. My mother has long-term health insurance, a nice policy that covers home care, which we have arranged daily. They take good care of my mom and the time they are there is supposed to free up my father so he can do some things he enjoys. But, instead, he hovers. He calls me at least 25 times a day, starting at 7:00 a.m. to report how she peed, pooped and what she ate. Then he panics at the slightest deviation, a slight drop in her blood pressure, or if she makes a funny face, etc. Yesterday he wanted me to pick up a prescription for him, while the CNA was at the house. He drives. The pharmacy is down the street from his home, but 10 miles away from me. He called me and asked that I do it. I told him I would do it when I got out to do my errands, which I wasn't ready to do yet, I was waiting for the 5:00 traffic to die down. He called me back 3 times and the last time was very irrational and demanded that I do it now, "she's your mother, don't you care?" So, I dropped everything and got her medication, which was a med given at bedtime. (It was 4:45 in the afternoon.) He makes demands on me daily, and the CNAs have called me and told me "don't let him guilt you into doing something we can do." He knows I'm unavailable on Tuesdays until 1:00 p.m. And every Tuesday like clockwork he calls me in a panic about something the CNA can handle. This time he thought her blood pressure had dropped too low. Instead of waiting 30 minutes and taking it again, which was what was recommended, he called 911 and the EMTs took her to to the ER, and of course her blood pressure was normal and she was fine. Then, he wanted me to drop everything and drive up to the ER, pick them up (he had driven behind the ambulance and had his car), and drive my mom home. I refused. I called MedRide and he will have to wait 2 hours until they arrive. He's not happy, but this whole ordeal is consuming my life. I've had to cut way back on my work to accommodate his demands. We have the care set up, it's lovely care with a company we feel very comfortable with. It's also paid for by her insurance. I go with my parents to all their doctors appointments, and help whenever I can or if there is a true emergency. Is being at his beck and call something I am expected to do? As he says "It's your mother, and this is women's work." My dad and I have had a good relationship up until now, but it turns into constant arguing and bickering now and this really isn't how I want to remember our relationship. I'm trying to find a balance. Suggestions?