11 weeks ago, My 90 year old gramps who has lived with me for the last 6 years had a major event (heart attack or stroke) but didn’t want to go to the hospital so for three days he stayed in bed and we seriously didn’t think he would make it BUT he did. He has not been the same since but he is alive. Then the last 1.5 weeks, he has gone way down hill. He finally decided to go to the ER and they said his heart is very bad and then the decision was made to set up hospice in our home. He is the most amazing man and we are dreading the day he dies. I am so worried that I won’t be strong enough to handle it when it does because I know I will be with him when it happens. I watch his breathing, twitching, skin color changes, lack of food/liquid, every little thing and I think “is this it”. He wants to go and I am trying so hard to let him know it’s ok to go but I am so sad inside. He spends his days out in the living room with us (alseep 90% of the day) so we get to interact with him and spend time with him. I just wonder how you all do it? How do you work past the anticipatory grief? I finally am at the point where I don’t bring him food/liquids, I leave it up to him to tell us that he wants something (so hard when a day goes by and he ate/drank nothing). I am trying to hard to live in the moment but it’s so hard. Thanks in advance!