Honest answer: probably not a lot. I understand your mom's feelings, although I try hard not to share mine with others. I'd rather not be remembered as a Debbie Downer! Still, it's hard to have lived long enough to lose basic physical and mental abilities we once took for granted. Bette Davis was right but, humans being humans, most won't recognize the truth of her iconic remark about old age until they are old themselves. It didn't actually start hitting home with me until 6 years ago when I turned 80.
Just read your profile. Wow! You’re 70 and caring for your mom who lives in independent living. Your mom has a lot of health issues.
I was going to ask if your mom had depression but I see from your profile that she does.
Perhaps the negative talk stems from her depression. She feels worthless, which is sad. Has she taken any meds to treat her depression? I would discuss it with her doctor.
Is this behavior out of character for her or has she ever said that she was stupid to gain attention?
Does her health stop her from socializing with others? Is going to the doctor her only outing? Is she able to do any other activities? Did she socialize before or was she an introvert?
At 88 years old do you think assisted living might be more appropriate for her?
Long answer…my Father liked to keep he in her place by talking down to her. After he passed, with my help, her self esteem improved tremendously. Now since all the recent accumulation of heart/lung issues, she is feeling dejected. Her Dr is aware, already has her on anti anxiety meds. She has so many meds as it is. They contribute to her issues with vertigo. I have suggested counseling, but Mom is reluctant.
My mother used those exact words when she was fishing for compliments or attention. It was an extreme over reaction to a simple matter used to irritate me. I used to ignore the behavior, personally.
If no Dementia, Mom may be aware she no longer can do what she used to do. Its part of aging and there is some cognitive decline. Tell her, you know what she means. At 70 with your health problems u probably can't do what u did 10 yrs ago. If she can understand what she says tell her she is neither of those things. Age and health problems are why she cannot do like she used to.
Does she really believe these things or is she just trying to get attention? I can see where they would be annoying but at her advanced age, you are not going to change her. I would not give much attention to this negative talk and I would not respond to it. Just move the conversation on to something else.
Much of this is habitual and repetitive habit only. Best to kind of fly past it if you have asked for details and had basically none. Next time she says this smile at her and tell her "Well, you sure do them right enough for ME, and I love you for it". Turn it into positive. If she says it again later say "I think you do things about as good as it gets" and give a giggle. Just play with it. Make her smile. Worth a try.
I was going to ask if your mom had depression but I see from your profile that she does.
Perhaps the negative talk stems from her depression. She feels worthless, which is sad. Has she taken any meds to treat her depression? I would discuss it with her doctor.
Is this behavior out of character for her or has she ever said that she was stupid to gain attention?
Does her health stop her from socializing with others? Is going to the doctor her only outing? Is she able to do any other activities? Did she socialize before or was she an introvert?
At 88 years old do you think assisted living might be more appropriate for her?
Worth a try.