You give no information but a title in the form of a question, and no info whatsoever in your profile, so we have nothing to go by in terms of giving you solid advice about your situation.
If you are leaving your mother alone when you walk out the front door, and she has dementia, then that's an issue; elders with dementia should not be left alone. Look into getting caregivers to be with her while you're gone.
If you are not leaving your elderly mother alone when you walk out the front door, then you have no reason TO feel guilty. Having an expectation to be with the woman 24/7 and no life of your own is unrealistic. Not knowing WHAT your situation is, however, again leaves us too little info to comment on.
If you are working a full time job, you have no other choice BUT to leave and go to work every day, that's how life works. If mom is left with qualified caregivers or other family members to look after her, then just leave when you have to, kiss her on the cheek, and let her know you love her but need to leave to go to work and will see her when you get back, assuming you live in the same house.
Dementia patients only think in the moment; they are incapable of thinking about the future or what YOU may need to get done in your life. They can only focus on themselves and the moment they're living in, which is why they act as they do. Consider the fact there is brain damage going on and they're incapable of acting with reason and logic. That makes life easier for you b/c you can understand their point of view a bit better.
I so agree with AnnReid. No one makes us feel guilty. And is guilt REALLY what you feel? Or ALL you feel? Or do you also feel just a teeny bit "unappreciated", because I sure would. Try switching out your G-words because words matter. The G work you should use is "GRIEF". Grief that you are human and not an omnipotent God. Grief that your Mom is suffering, whatever her reasons are. Grief that Mom isn't perfect so she can't say "Go now, hon, and HAVE FUN". Grief that Mom can't understand how good she has it, and won't tell you so. Grief that everything isn't perfect and some things can't be fixed. Grief that life isn't a movie, a fairy tale, a magical carpet with only good endings. You aren't a felon. You are a human being trying to do the best you can in anything but perfect conditions. Felons, who SHOULD feel grief, simply never do at all. So on you go. Mom isn't always happy. There you are. Bet she never WAS always happy. Bet she wasn't always happy when she was 5 or 10 or 20 or 40 or 50. And she isn't always happy now. That's called life, and you are living your one and only. Life that is. Truly, my best out to you, but happy-all-the-time is an illusion best not pursued. Now, go and have a GOOD TIME, and bring her back a little bouquet of flowers and tell her she's the prettiest thing you ever saw!
No one can make YOU feel guilty but YOU, and anyone living with dementia is even less responsible for casting guilt.
Your mother is living with an ongoing and constantly increasing cognitive deficit, which can reduce her ability to determine what it is logical and reasonable and appropriate for her to say.
Since the filters are failing, the first thing you can do is remind yourself constantly that what she says is not real or true or factual.
The second thing you can do is to begin thinking of her as someone whose illness causes her to behave in all of her dealings as unpredictable- she may seem fine some days or at different times of the day, and then, at the flip of a switch, seem terrible.
You are her diligent and thoughtful care giver, and you are doing the best for her that you can come up with. She doesn’t comprehend what you’re doing or why you’re doing it.
Be at peace, and forgive her for her behavior, and forgive yourself for being troubled by it.
If you are leaving your mother alone when you walk out the front door, and she has dementia, then that's an issue; elders with dementia should not be left alone. Look into getting caregivers to be with her while you're gone.
If you are not leaving your elderly mother alone when you walk out the front door, then you have no reason TO feel guilty. Having an expectation to be with the woman 24/7 and no life of your own is unrealistic. Not knowing WHAT your situation is, however, again leaves us too little info to comment on.
If you are working a full time job, you have no other choice BUT to leave and go to work every day, that's how life works. If mom is left with qualified caregivers or other family members to look after her, then just leave when you have to, kiss her on the cheek, and let her know you love her but need to leave to go to work and will see her when you get back, assuming you live in the same house.
Dementia patients only think in the moment; they are incapable of thinking about the future or what YOU may need to get done in your life. They can only focus on themselves and the moment they're living in, which is why they act as they do. Consider the fact there is brain damage going on and they're incapable of acting with reason and logic. That makes life easier for you b/c you can understand their point of view a bit better.
Good luck!
And is guilt REALLY what you feel? Or ALL you feel? Or do you also feel just a teeny bit "unappreciated", because I sure would.
Try switching out your G-words because words matter. The G work you should use is "GRIEF". Grief that you are human and not an omnipotent God. Grief that your Mom is suffering, whatever her reasons are. Grief that Mom isn't perfect so she can't say "Go now, hon, and HAVE FUN". Grief that Mom can't understand how good she has it, and won't tell you so. Grief that everything isn't perfect and some things can't be fixed. Grief that life isn't a movie, a fairy tale, a magical carpet with only good endings.
You aren't a felon. You are a human being trying to do the best you can in anything but perfect conditions. Felons, who SHOULD feel grief, simply never do at all.
So on you go. Mom isn't always happy. There you are. Bet she never WAS always happy. Bet she wasn't always happy when she was 5 or 10 or 20 or 40 or 50. And she isn't always happy now.
That's called life, and you are living your one and only. Life that is.
Truly, my best out to you, but happy-all-the-time is an illusion best not pursued.
Now, go and have a GOOD TIME, and bring her back a little bouquet of flowers and tell her she's the prettiest thing you ever saw!
Your mother is living with an ongoing and constantly increasing cognitive deficit, which can reduce her ability to determine what it is logical and reasonable and appropriate for her to say.
Since the filters are failing, the first thing you can do is remind yourself constantly that what she says is not real or true or factual.
The second thing you can do is to begin thinking of her as someone whose illness causes her to behave in all of her dealings as unpredictable- she may seem fine some days or at different times of the day, and then, at the flip of a switch, seem terrible.
You are her diligent and thoughtful care giver, and you are doing the best for her that you can come up with. She doesn’t comprehend what you’re doing or why you’re doing it.
Be at peace, and forgive her for her behavior, and forgive yourself for being troubled by it.
She’s lucky to have you.