My 87 year old mom soiled herself and her chair. She had absolutely no idea what was going on when I arrived. Is this a common problem?

I have to agree, Mom needs 24/7 care. At this stage she should not be left alone. Her Dementia has progressed to her being incontinent. Depends are now needed. Sitting in "it" can cause her to have UTIs, rashes and soreness.

My nephew was living with my Mom. He worked so out of the house from 8 to 4. He came home one day to a pot burning on the stove. Another time crying because she forgot how to use her phone and couldn't answer the phone. A UTI and hospital stay was when I realized she needed to move in with me until I could get her into a place. Dementia has no rhyme or reason. Those suffering from it are unpredictable. They cannot reason anymore. There is no logic in what they say or do.

If Mom does not have the money for an Assisted Living maybe she can get Medicaid. Either to help with in home care or Longterm care.

Yes, she's going to the bathroom by herself, but she's not IN the bathroom, and seems unaware that she's soiled herself. That shows a level of deatchment that is huge and unsanitary and unsafe.

Yes, you can get her in depends and change all her clothing to stuff that can be removed quickly, but if she still soils herself, all you have done is made the cleanup a little easier.

I am sorry to say that she needs far more care than you are saying. If she were able to toilet herself and clean up afterwards, OK, that's one thing. But the 2-4 hrs she has someone with her is not sufficient to catch a random BM. You are basically setting yourself up to be with her until she's done her business, so to speak. I know my mom was not really on a 'schedule' about BM's, so you could sit there for hours, literally, waiting.

I'm sorry for this situation for you. Maybe it's time to increase CG hours, or even move mom to a place where she wouldn't be sitting in feces for hours on end, until someone showed up to clean her.

This makes me very nervous... she needs more supervision than just two hours a day if she not only can't clean this sort of thing up, but doesn't know that she can / should call someone if she does have an accident. As others are saying there are more reasons to watch someone than whether or not they wander. Pooping is one of those thing that we tend to have a very visceral (heh) reaction to when we do it and especially if we have an accident. What if she has an accident, isn't cleaning daily as you say, then decides to get a bite to eat? She'd get herself so sick.

Please prepare for the inevitable.

Just make a list of local residential care sites and do a walk-through or two. Trust me on this, it will make all the difference in the world to you if you need to make an unexpected quick decision.

She goes to the bathroom by herself - but she doesn't know when to go or how to deal with the mess when she doesn't make it in time. She can't shower or brush her teeth. She sits on the couch and watches TV all day long - and how do you know that? Maybe she doesn't. And there's always the first time she doesn't and finds herself someplace she doesn't recognize, like a closet, and stands there until someone comes along and finds her. Yes, this is a common problem in advanced dementia. That's where she is now.

As others have mentioned, time for advanced care. Very sorry, but there is no fixing this back into normality.

First of all, I agree with others who have answered that it is now time for in facility care 24/7. There are some few things that MAY help a bit here to give form and solidity to stools (citrucel is my favorite of choices as metamucil increases gas in/by the way it ferments in the bowel and causes more urgency. This will now be an ongoing problems and it is clear that your loved one is not in any condition to handle this incontinence with no one there to help.
This involves loss of control of the sphincter of the anus and a loss of feeling. Often you will hear an elder or a patient experiencing this say "I thought I was just passing gas and didn't even know I had GONE until I smelled it". Your Mom can't control this.
I wish you all the best, but it is time for care decisions now.

I think you and your brother are in denial about your moms condition, if you feel that she doesn't need any more care right now just because "she's not a runner."
Someone with a broken brain and that makes a mess and doesn't know what happened is no longer safe to be living by herself. She needs 24/7 care, and if you and your brother are not able to provide that for her, then it's time to be looking into memory care facilities in your area where she will receive the care she needs and be safe.
It's no longer safe for your mom to be living on her own and I hope and pray that you and your brother will realize that before something really bad happens.

It sounds like she needs more time with a caregiver.
Cleaning a mess that could have been prevented is one reason. Making sure that she is getting the help that she needs in the bathroom, making sure that she has a proper lunch, and is safe doing so.
Not to mention the stimulation that she gets from having someone there rather than watching TV all day.
She may not leave her house today or tomorrow but what happens the one time she does and the last time someone was there was on Friday morning and your brother shows up on Saturday at 9am? Where and how far could she go in 24 hours?

Being a runner is not the only reason to expand care, and sitting around and watching TV all day isn't the answer either.

Being with people her own age that she can relate to might be an advantage to her well being.

My mother fought my brother and I for 10 years not wanting to go into AL, she sat alone and watched game shows all day. She finally had a slight stroke became afraid to stay alone at night, we swooped her up, brought her near us and into AL.

She loves it, made new friends, has activities, her life of loneliness is over, no more game shows, she is too busy. She will be 98 next month, she has been in AL for 3 years now.

Yes, this is a common problem. It won't solve itself. She needs more care now. Replace all her underwear with disposables. Consider getting her adaptive "anti-strip" clothing for people with dem/alz so that she can't take it off if she soils.

The level of care your mother is receiving (part-time aide) is no longer adequate. She needs supervision for toileting which means either a facility or 24/7 at home care.

Dementia progresses inexorably and what worked last week is no longer enough today.