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I have been directed by my Dr to cease caring for her due to my back issues. Mom does not cooperate with me getting her in and out of bed. I am notto bear her weight. She will not give me permission to talk with her Dr and I have questions concerning her medication. She can't afford a caregiver and does not want to go into nursing home. There is nobody to help me. I'm 69 and must work part-time as substitute teacher to even afford to get back to my home 2000 miles from here. I'm at my wits end. I need help NOW

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I completely understand what you are going through, and my heart goes out to you. I am going through it now too. My husband passed away on April 8, 2025 that I am still grieving, and still waiting for the higher amount of his social security to start and till late June on his life insurance. However last week I had my mom with Alzheimers and right paralyzed leg, to be transported by hospice to move in with me. Her in home caregiver was neglecting her. She has Medicare and only Medicaid will pay for her long term nursing home placement. I am on disability at age 56 due to multiple back issues. She can no longer lift herself so I am lifting her whole weight to and from her recliner, potty seat, transport chair and the hospital bed. I hurt more and more each day. Hospice has deemed her Total Care, which means it takes 2 ppl to lift and maneuver her. My sister is her primary POA an I am the alternate. We are having to sell her house to pay for a nursing home. When it does sell those proceeds will be her Self pay. However, Medicaid said as soon as it’s listed and she has less than $2,000 in “cash flow assets” then they will let me apply her for medicaid and she can go into the nursing home.
You might also want to reach out to your local Senior Center or Area of Aging center, and welfare office to see if they are able to help you themselves or with other resources available.
Cheryl
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Grandma1954 May 6, 2025
Hospice should provide you with equipment so that you can safely care for her. Talk to the Hospice nurse as soon as you can.
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It is no longer what Mom wants, its what she needs. And she needs 24/7 care that you can no longer give. Without POA you hands are tied. Call Adult protection services andcask for help.
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It's very simple.

If you carry on trying to physically manage her with your back problems, you will do yourself permanent damage to the point of slipped discs, degenerating spine or even worse. Then what ?

Tell her you can no longer help to keep her in the current situation because you are risking paralysis and being crippled yourself. Lay it on thick.

Then call the appropriate authorities to say you can no longer help as you are becoming disabled. You need to walk away, there is no shame because you have manhandled her to the point where it will do you serious damage.
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What mother WANTS at this point is irrelevant.
So you sit with Mom now and you tell her she must go into care, and you will visit her, but that your MD has strictly laid down the law to you that you cannot go on, something you already knew.
Will she be unhappy? Of course she will. I am 82. There's little to be happy about in the aging process, trust me.
You can sympathize with her, mourn this and grieve it with her, but your survival is now at stake. This is a simple fact. Like the sun coming up and going down. It doesn't matter who "likes" the fact and who doesn't. It remains a fact.
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BYMYSELF May 2, 2025
You as an elder speaking is very beneficial to me. I thank you so much for your insight and perspective.

I have paperwork filed for waiver for caregiver. I was told today it may take as soon as a month and someone would be here to assess the situation next week.
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It appears you don’t have POA from her. The advice given to you here by BarbBrooklyn is what you need to do at this point; call Adult Productive Services in your moms area as soon as possible.
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What Barb said.

Thinking of you!
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You need to call Adult Protective Services in mom's community and tell them that you will returning home and that she is a vulnerable adult.

Best of luck to you
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