My 83 year old FIL w/dementia is in assisted living but wants to go home but can't live alone. What do we tell him?

I agree with everyone that has said, blame it on the doctors. When you get well enough they will reassess the situation.

Please tell your husband that his being torn up about this situation is perfectly normal. Nobody wants to see their parents lose their autonomy, nobody wants their parents to get old with dementia, mostly, nobody wants to have to parent their parent. It is the hardest, saddest thing we will ever deal with with our parents, imo. I bawled like a baby for weeks every single time I left my dad.

One thing that helped me was to help him adjust. I helped him meet his new neighbors, I did special treats to share with everyone and got to know them, that helped me stop feeling so bad and it helped my dad make friends.

Prayers that he and you can find a way to accept this new normal. It is not easy but, it does get easier as you navigate it and find ways to help dad, redirect dad and learn selective hearing when nothing works.

Tell him the doctors won’t let him. Or the authorities. Or the police. It’s not even a white lie mostly.

I have been putting my mother off for two years by telling her she’s not strong enough to live alone and needs to stay where she is (in memory care) to get better. She thinks she’s in a hospital and I haven’t told her otherwise. Then I change the subject and she moves on to something else too. It’s heartbreaking, of course, but it’s best to divert the conversation. You will probably have to tell him many times that he’s not able to live safely on his own right now.

Don't take FIL home anymore, that's my advice. Tell him it's Doctors orders he cannot live alone anymore and that's why he's in such a lovely AL apartment. Until and unless his doctor says otherwise, he's going to continue living in AL. Suggest he make friends and socialize, join in on the activities, play cards and get acclimated. Ride the mini bus to buy groceries and go on the AL outings too. It'll take time for him to adjust to the fact that he can't hoard, most of all, and surround himself with heaps of "treasures" like he did at home.

Krep repeating the doctors orders mantra each time he brings up going home. Sympathize with him and blame the doctor for the unfortunate turn of events his life took in old age. But remind him how fortunate he is to be living in such a nice place!

"You can go home as soon as you get better".

Will never happen, but don't tell him that, obviously. Stop bringing him back to his house or he'll never acclimate to his new living condition.