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So, mom, 81, can only do light housework now after a stroke 2 years ago and dad, 86, helps half heartedly sweep amd mop (if you want to call it that), peel vegetables amd helps mom into tub etc. They both do not want me or my sisters to help. They can do it! Dad had a heart attack 2 days ago (waiting for stents). We have talked to mom about getting help from us or gov paid helpers to come in and help them. The little that dad did to help, will now be non existant. She still said yesterday that she doesn't want help. I think my sisters and I are going to go ahead and contact social development tomorrow and start the process for workers to come to their house to help with light housework, cooking, bathing. We will pick up the pieces when the time comes. We have talked to our parents in the past....they just shut down and said no help? We knew this day would come and here we are stressing about it. I will show my sisters any replies or suggestions

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Just keep on the path of getting help. Once it's established in their household, they (hopefully) will appreciate the much needed help. Your dad will require 6+ weeks of rehab after stents are placed and he will not feel great.

This is the perfect time to step up and step in. I wish you the best!
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Ditto to all the wise input from Tothill. When I was meeting with resistance from my LOs about their obvious need for help (obvious to everyone but them) I eventually tried it from a different angle and said the help was for me and other family members as much as it was for them, so that we could KNOW they were doing the best possible and so we wouldn't have cause to fret. I was raised Catholic, so I believe in guilt as a handy tool now and then ;-) P.S. they did use the in-home help eventually, not sure if it was the guilting, but I made sure to tell them how *I* felt so much better and didn't have to worry so much about the quality of their daily lives. Wishing you success in helping them!
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Now is the perfect time to have a needs assessment done. Once that is done, you can ask the worker who does it to talk to Mum and Dad about their options for help. The worker can also explain the consequences if they do not accept help. It may also be the perfect time to discuss assisted living options. Again have a professional talk to them.

Do Mum and Dad have their paperwork in order? POA, financial and healthcare and not assigned to each other? Are their Wills up to date? If they have a trusted lawyer, now is the time for him/her to have a conversation with them about long term plans.

Which of your parents is primarily responsible for the bill paying? I am guessing Dad. What would have happened to Mum if he had died of the heart attack? How would she have managed the bills?
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