My 80 year old mother is being used by my 55 year old brother. Any advice?

Kimberly, can you talk to her doctor and ask him to report. They are mandatory reporters and if he/she knows that there is abuse they are required to report.

So you don't live near her, is that correct?

If you don't, here's what I I would do.

I would call Adult Protective Services and the local police, I would explain her fear of retaliation from her son and everything else you have shared. Tell them that you need help, helping her because of her frail health you don't know what to do. Be calm and have notes in front of you to stay on point. Be diligent, keep calling and asking for help until you get it. Be sure and let them know that she is in real danger from this yahoo, which is true if he is doing the things you say. I would also tell them that she feels suicidal about it all.

I am sorry for your mom. No one deserves to be abused but especially a 80 year old woman.

Your brothers trip may be the perfect time to get help. He won't be able to abuse her or try to intimidate her or his son to lie.

Can you record your conversations with her? This may help get him dealt with.

However, be sure that all of this is real and not her dementia talking.

Kimberly, please turn your caps off. That represents shouting here and no one likes to be shouted at, especially people who are trying to help you.

Can you get her to her doctor? If her health is that bad, she must go to a doctor pretty regularly. Tell her doctor what you’ve told us and that you suspect abuse. In addition to APS you can also contact Child Protective Services. What he’s doing by leaving his child with her could be seen as neglect and possibly even abandonment. And, if he has POA and is spending her money on himself, that’s fraud. Get an attorney and make your brother account for the expenses.

There are local people you can contact for help. But as Isthisreallyreal writes, if she won’t admit to what’s going on, helping her will be darned near impossible.

Will your mom tell the APS that? If she will, call them and make an exploitation of a vulnerable senior complaint. Request that her doctor do the same. The squeaky wheel gets the help.

Obviously your brother doesn't care about his son or mom, it is a dangerous situation for both of them to be in. We just had a grandma shoot and kill her 8 year old twin grandsons. Her friends said that something must have snapped from all the strain and stress of caring for these little boys, because she loved them and they can't imagine that she would hurt them.

It doesn't matter if your brother has POA, he is financially exploiting your mom. Not paying his way living in her home is proof. Then using her up as babysitter, poor lady.

I hope that you rescue her soon. Don't give up, keep calling and filing complaints, they have to investigate. Be sure mom will tell them the truth or it won't go anywhere.

Best of luck.

My brother does absolutely nothing to take care of her in any way! My brother recently booked a vacation trip to the phillipines; 28 flying hours away and is leaving his son totally alone with our mother who is pretty much disabled for 14 days.

yes, he in using her financially. My 80 year old mother is completely in charge of my brothers 6 year old hyper active son. everytime i talk with my mother she is in horrible pain, suffers from a little dementiaa; gettting noticeble worse lately. She is suiccidally depressed even after seeing a doctor. my mother has a bad spinal injury and really bad knee in which she isin constant pain! om has been to every specialist, had surgery but itjust made it worse. my brother will only yell at my mother and upset her terribly causing her blood pressure to sky rocket. My brother has plenty of money to help supply food and splitt utilities with her. my mother just recently told me and her doctor that her pain and frustration of her life is so bad, she doesnt care if she ever wakes up ever again

When you see or talk to her, is she complaining? If not, there isn’t much you can do. Just because he’s a deadbeat and she’s footing the bill for him does not constitute abuse. He would need to be doing her physical harm, not allowing her to leave the house, withholding food and basic necessities and such. Is he? If he left, who would care for her? You? Do you have Power of Attorney over her finances? If you got that and cut off his free ride, he’d probably leave pretty fast, and, just saying, but I don’t know of many 6 year olds who are not hyperactive. 😀