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Hello, I’m new here and have been reading articles on this site for a few days now, but I really need some help that I’m having a hard time finding.


First off, I’m an only child and only have the help of my friends in this situation. My mother and father are divorced and he is being cared for in Illinois by his friend, my step father died 4 years ago, and there is no other family.


My mother lives in CA, but I live in TX.
She's always been a hoarder, in fact I can only remember 2 times in my life where she kept a clean house for longer than a year.


I received a call from a social worker at a hospital last week, informing me my mother had been in the hospital for 6 days. She didn’t have her phone (I later found out because she lost it in the house), and the hospital couldn’t get into contact with anyone that my number.


Come to find out, she had more bleeding ulcers (this isn’t the first time...it related to alcohol though) and ended up with a blood infection.


When she was discharged, I had a friend pick her up to take her home. When she got there with my mom she was horrified. The place is unlivable. The power was shut off, the fridge and kitchen were rotted and full of dead (and I’m assuming live too) bugs, both bathrooms are full of waste (both hers and her 2 cats), you can’t walk...there’s trash and stuff everywhere. My gf sent me pics, it’s positively gut wrenching.


She built this mobile home, which is in a senior community, with my stepfather’s life insurance and it’s clear there’s nothing left since services are being shut off for non payment and she’s now living Off her Social Security and the annuity from my step fathers pension. She owns the physical house but not the land.


I had the power turned back on, it had been off for a MONTH! A month, all the while bleeding and living in utter filth.
She’s isolated herself from everyone and she wouldn’t even let a friend come in for a month (likely due to the power being shut off).


I'm flying out there on Monday, but I have to be back in TX on Saturday and because it’s Christmas I have less time out there to figure this out. She doesn’t know I’m coming because I know her, she’ll panic, drink, and be so frantic she’ll end up just killing herself...either on purpose or accidently. I honestly don’t know her state of mind, but it’s obviously bad. She did think the power being turned back on was a miracle until my gf told her I did it.
(It’s due again on the 27th)


Her case worker that was assigned to her told me I need to call her primary care doctor and tell about her situation and request she be admitted to a skilled nursing facility ASAP. (I don’t even think he’s been to see her, but she told me she would refuse to answer the door, or just pop her head and out and say Hello and goodbye.)


I don’t know if that’s the route to go in, I’m having a really hard time figuring out what to do. I know she’ll refuse because she’s an alcoholic and I’ve tried getting her into rehab a number of times.


I'm worried about everything, from the cats, to her outright neglect of her health, hygiene and home, to her mental state and substance abuse and I’m worried she’ll be evicted.


If I do have her admitted, I still need to get the place cleaned up, get the cats out (I have no idea what to do about THAT) and the what? Sell it? And I have no way of paying for a facility. Getting there and getting the house cleaned last minute the week of Christmas is already astronomical.


I honestly dont know what to do. I can’t physically make her go to a care facility and I can’t make her keep her house clean and pay her bills or go to the hospital even if she knows she needs to.


I’m at a loss, any help would be greatly appreciated.

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Not sure what the Social Worker thinks you can do. Do you have POA financially and medically? You need a doctor to say she is incompetent. A PCP may not be able to do this without a full evaluation. At this point Mom is a competent adult and cannot be forced to do anything she doesn't want to. Not sure if the Dr. can force it. To be honest, she could have been taken right from the hospital to a facility based on the fact no one to care for her and the living conditions.

Don't think your going to get anything done before Christmas. I would call the SW back and ask her how she thinks you can go about it when u have no control. I would call APS and ask if they could investigate and give you any suggestions. If they can't force her then call the health dept.

Hoarding by the way is a mental sickness. You could clean out the place, but she would turn around and hoard again.
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