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My sister and I are the only family that he has and we are part of the "sandwich generation." I live 160 miles away and am handling his finances and calling about things and my sister is getting burned out taking care of him as much as she can. He lives alone and neither of us are able to take him in. He has declined rapidly, forgetting his grand daughter's name, forgetting about my husband of 20 years and took a 16 hour road trip so we took away his keys. He is lonely, doesn't have an acute diagnosis but we will be getting that from Rush memory clinic at the end of this month. But right now we are stuck. We can't let him live alone, but he makes too much money ($1230 a month) to qualify for assistance.

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Melissa, your posts are a little confusing. You said he has vascular disease but not dementia. It sure sounds like some type of dementia if he can’t take care of himself, drive, finances etc.

As for validation, I’m not sure what you’re looking for but I and many others have gone through this with parents.

Your dad is young. My dads dementia started at about age 82 and got progressively worse. He’s been in a memory care facility since my mom died this past April.

I think like most of us, you’re in for a rough time here. If he’s incompetent you can’t get POA. Legal guardianship is possible but it’s a lengthy process and will cost money. I just completed it for my dad.

If you’re Dad is cooperative you may be able to get him in assisted living without using legal means.  You might have to fib to him a bit but that’s par for the course .

Financially, without a detailed picture of his assets, income, insurance etc no one can advise you on this. I’m not suggesting you post that info here but start digging around. Is he on Medicare or Medicaid?

Talk to Assisted Living places in your area. They will do an assessment of his needs and help you understand costs, financing and possibly help with a Medicaid application.

Good luck to you.
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We talked to a social worker to try and get him into a rehab facility (for a short time) after leaving the hospital (where they just diagnosed him with vascular disease, not dementia) and his insurance wouldn't cover it. We were also looking for financial aid for assisted living and he made too much, but all of this was pre-diagnosis. I was told that since he does seem as far gone as he is that we wouldn't be able to have power of attorney medical and financial, is this incorrect? I'll call the social worker we talked to at the hospital and since the diagnosis has changed if there is something more we can do. I'm hoping Rush memory clinic can give us more information. I really needed some validation from people that have gone through this, instead of having to wait and wait.
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With our aging father neither of us is in a position to move him in with us. We don’t have room. It also isn’t my 14 yr olds responsibility to watch her grandpa because we all HAVE to work. He has to go to assisted living.
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Melissa, can you clarify what assistance you've looked into for your dad?
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1230$ a month disqualified him for what?

Have you requested a consult with an eldercare attorney?

Have you had a "needs assessment" from his local Area Agency on Aging?

They will help you identify resources for his care.
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