As noted in several of my posts here, guardianship can vary a lot (I was NOT aware of this myself!) You would have to read through whatever court papers were provided, or call and discuss with the courts if it isn't clear in the documents. From your various responses, it is clear that you do not have 100% control. It almost sounds as if you have about as much control as any one of us would have over him! If you don't have access to his funds, you can't pay for the services/repairs.
You mentioned a review/accounting coming up. I would document whatever you can and ask that they grant you more control. Take pictures if you can (roofing, yard, interior if you can get in), perhaps get some feedback from the care-givers, etc. Are the inspections on the cars up to date? Mom's was expired months before a brother had to drive it and found it expired!
Explain to them how various repairs and tasks need to be taken care of, but without access to his funds, they cannot be addressed. NO court should be expecting you to shell out your money for his repairs/tasks. Large expenses, such as the roof, will likely need court approval anyway, but again, they need to understand dad refuses to grant you access to any funds (would he be agreeable to getting some quotes and get the work done?) I would have a LONG discussion with those attending this "accounting."
For others as "uneducated" about guardianship as myself, please see: https://family.findlaw.com/guardianship/guardianship-of-incapacitated-or-disabled-persons.html
Example from that site:
"Guardianships are limited as much as is reasonable in order to allow wards to exercise as much control over their lives as possible while maintaining as much dignity and self-reliance as possible. The desires of the wards are given primary consideration. Also, wards are allowed to do as much of their own caregiving as is physically and mentally possible."
Who knew?? I was aware (as some are not) that having POA of any kind is not all encompassing, and in many instances does NOT give you the power to determine where/when they live/move, among other issues. Some are very detailed and specific, others are vague, BUT they mainly give you oversight into finances/medical, in the event the person is incapable of making/understanding these decisions. We found out the hard way that having DPOA did NOT give us the "power" to make mom move to MC (or anywhere for that matter.)
I have access to some money in a conservatorship account but he has more that is in a restricted account to keep my bond cost smaller. My dad is very upset that he cannot access it either although he doesn't need to. He also has his own checking account outside the conservatorship. As I am running down on funds in my conservatorship account and the annual accounting is coming due, I will ask that some of the restricted funds be released to the conservatorship account. Most of what I can access besides cash is IRA and stock money which will ultimately cause a tax problem at the end of the year. No reason not to spend down some of the cash instead.
In the guardianship papers, I am not allowed to sell his cars or his house without dad and court approval. I have no choice but to maintain them but I don't have time. Oil changes are up to date but they are high mile cars. Something will happen to them eventually. Insurance is paid and tags are current. He will not let me take either one of them for service by myself as he is afraid he won't get them back so that would require him and the caregiver to take them to a car place and wait for the servicing to be done. I am not allowed to move him without court approval and have been told he will be served papers when that time comes. That will cause WWIII. Dad won't let me have a key to his house and he keeps cash stashed in a private place which I have no access. If I wanted to hire someone to bust down the door and repair it all and install doors and locks, I suppose that would fix the key problem but I haven't gotten to that point yet.
It is not that the court doesn't allow me access to some of this, it is that my dad won't let me. Short of wrestling things like house keys away from him which would require police intervention, I'm stuck. (and I have called the police to see if they can help and they can't). Dad holds all the control. I pick and choose my battles carefully with him because it amps up his anxiety so I try not to upset him.
For those of you thinking about guardianship, yes, it gives you 'legal' control to do lots of things but if your parent/spouse is stubborn like my dad, it really doesn't make any difference.
Thanks for the update Babs75- this is why I posted the link and some info, to enlighten others. Many of us (myself included), especially when we haven't traveled that path, think guardianship is a total package, but that link clued me in and your post reinforces it! Sounds like it is just an "official" POA that costs a lot of money and time/accounting, but doesn't really afford one much more "power" than a POA. One would hope in the case of cognitive impairment they might allow more oversight and less "independence" for the person...
The goal of guardianship, according to that link, is to allow people to maintain some kind of "independence." I can understand it, especially after reading about the guardianship scams that happened in Nevada (not even a family member in those cases!) However, like granting joint legal custody in a divorce, do they really look at the WHOLE picture, and determine what is *REALLY* best for everyone involved, or just play Solomon, and split the baby in two???
In your case, dad is being very obstinate (paranoid?) - it isn't like you are trying to lock him up or take anything. Hopefully this is just some kind of old age thing for him and he wasn't like this before... If he was, I might have thought the guardianship business through about 50 times before taking that on!
Fingers are crossed that they will see some sense during the review and grant you a bit more leeway and funding.
(BTW, if you do reach the point that you must get in, and have court approval, a locksmith would be a better method! Then you can replace the locks without having the replace the door!)
You indicate "the rear roof needs gutters and flashing" and " the huge yard needs to be done and trim" but you also say you "don't have the knowledge or tools for this."
The question really is what does the guardianship paperwork say? If it says this is your 'responsibility', it does NOT mean YOU have to do it or pay for it yourself. Widow or not, I would suspect most of the women on this site wouldn't have the ability to fix gutters and flashing!
Have they set up an account for you to pay for things your father needs? Is there enough to cover larger jobs or recurring tasks (yard work)? Would a repair job require requesting court approval? If your documents do not specify, I would contact the court and ask them.
If there is funding (his money) available, then it is time to start asking friends, relatives, neighbors, etc if they know people who perform these tasks. I prefer to hire help that someone else has hired and knows their ability and reliability. You can pick anyone out of a phone book (if they even still make those!) or find one online, but it is hard to know who to choose.
Also, whenever possible get multiple referrals from people you know and request quotes from the suggested people (handyman or general contractor type for the roofing.) ASK questions about specific work to be done. If you don't understand, find a friend or neighbor who can go over the proposals with you.
Generally a repair job will require some kind of deposit, and then payment in full when the job is completed to your satisfaction. Yard work would be a recurring task - you can make arrangements to have it done on a regular basis and if you don't like the work they do you can "fire" them and find someone else.
If the court hasn't allocated enough funding to do this work and/or the paperwork doesn't give you the responsibility, I would contact them and ask what it is you can do to change it. Pictures, proposal quotes for the work needed, etc, would be good to have to support you if you go in to ask them to update the documents/funding.
First of all, your father is responsible for paying the bills for his home out of HIS FUNDS. Why on earth would there be any other source. Certainly YOU should not use your money - you will need that for you one day. Hold onto it. And if he is so extremely difficult to deal with, why are you his guardian and allowing it to cause such anxiety and difficulties and harm for you. Don't do it. Let someone else have the brunt of his behavior. Once people become so difficult in their personalities and behavior, that is the break point - move on and have your life without the problems and pain. No one deserves that.
Your situation is a tricky one with the level of resistance you are getting from your dad. At the end of the day a guardianship is a piece of paper and as you have described it doesn't inherently change the relationship dynamic and force him to change. I would say pay for his day to day care with the aide, and maintain the household using his funds to the best of your ability but don't kill yourself. If he won't let you service the cars, don't service the cars. Let them break down as a consequence of his stubbornness. The key is to make a plan for the upcoming crisis's that will inevitably happen due to his lack of insight to his limitations. Investigate long term care options so that when he eventually has an emergency or hospitalization and his doctors determine that he is no longer safe to be at home you have a plan in place to fall back on. Flash your guardianship paperwork to all the hospital staff and insist they involve you in all discharge planning. Give your opinion with safety concerns about him living independently. In this situation you are not making the determination around safety, the physicians make the decision based on the objective observations you provide. They can document these functional changes in the medical record which should protect you with the court. Living situation transitions are usually easier around a hospitalization as you can use the dynamic painting the doctors as the bad guys forcing change instead of yourself. This allows you to be the good guy that is on his side helping find a good new solution. The key is to recognize it is not your job to prevent the crisis due to his refusals for extra help. It is also not your job to make his life perfect at your own expense. If he is in a facility and complaining it is not your job to facilitate the logistics of getting him back home. For example: Someone who is safe to live independently in their own home would have the cognitive ability to contact a taxi and get themselves home without involving anyone else. It is not a prison, and the fact that most unhappy patients in a facility cannot problem solve their way out of the facility is a strong sign for the need for increased supervision. Strong boundaries around what you will and wont for do for him yourself are very important. If you are maintaining the minimum foundation of safety and hygiene while letting natural consequences take their course that is perfectly appropriate.
You mentioned a review/accounting coming up. I would document whatever you can and ask that they grant you more control. Take pictures if you can (roofing, yard, interior if you can get in), perhaps get some feedback from the care-givers, etc. Are the inspections on the cars up to date? Mom's was expired months before a brother had to drive it and found it expired!
Explain to them how various repairs and tasks need to be taken care of, but without access to his funds, they cannot be addressed. NO court should be expecting you to shell out your money for his repairs/tasks. Large expenses, such as the roof, will likely need court approval anyway, but again, they need to understand dad refuses to grant you access to any funds (would he be agreeable to getting some quotes and get the work done?) I would have a LONG discussion with those attending this "accounting."
For others as "uneducated" about guardianship as myself, please see:
https://family.findlaw.com/guardianship/guardianship-of-incapacitated-or-disabled-persons.html
Example from that site:
"Guardianships are limited as much as is reasonable in order to allow wards to exercise as much control over their lives as possible while maintaining as much dignity and self-reliance as possible. The desires of the wards are given primary consideration. Also, wards are allowed to do as much of their own caregiving as is physically and mentally possible."
Who knew?? I was aware (as some are not) that having POA of any kind is not all encompassing, and in many instances does NOT give you the power to determine where/when they live/move, among other issues. Some are very detailed and specific, others are vague, BUT they mainly give you oversight into finances/medical, in the event the person is incapable of making/understanding these decisions. We found out the hard way that having DPOA did NOT give us the "power" to make mom move to MC (or anywhere for that matter.)
In the guardianship papers, I am not allowed to sell his cars or his house without dad and court approval. I have no choice but to maintain them but I don't have time. Oil changes are up to date but they are high mile cars. Something will happen to them eventually. Insurance is paid and tags are current. He will not let me take either one of them for service by myself as he is afraid he won't get them back so that would require him and the caregiver to take them to a car place and wait for the servicing to be done. I am not allowed to move him without court approval and have been told he will be served papers when that time comes. That will cause WWIII. Dad won't let me have a key to his house and he keeps cash stashed in a private place which I have no access. If I wanted to hire someone to bust down the door and repair it all and install doors and locks, I suppose that would fix the key problem but I haven't gotten to that point yet.
It is not that the court doesn't allow me access to some of this, it is that my dad won't let me. Short of wrestling things like house keys away from him which would require police intervention, I'm stuck. (and I have called the police to see if they can help and they can't). Dad holds all the control. I pick and choose my battles carefully with him because it amps up his anxiety so I try not to upset him.
For those of you thinking about guardianship, yes, it gives you 'legal' control to do lots of things but if your parent/spouse is stubborn like my dad, it really doesn't make any difference.
The goal of guardianship, according to that link, is to allow people to maintain some kind of "independence." I can understand it, especially after reading about the guardianship scams that happened in Nevada (not even a family member in those cases!) However, like granting joint legal custody in a divorce, do they really look at the WHOLE picture, and determine what is *REALLY* best for everyone involved, or just play Solomon, and split the baby in two???
In your case, dad is being very obstinate (paranoid?) - it isn't like you are trying to lock him up or take anything. Hopefully this is just some kind of old age thing for him and he wasn't like this before... If he was, I might have thought the guardianship business through about 50 times before taking that on!
Fingers are crossed that they will see some sense during the review and grant you a bit more leeway and funding.
(BTW, if you do reach the point that you must get in, and have court approval, a locksmith would be a better method! Then you can replace the locks without having the replace the door!)
You indicate "the rear roof needs gutters and flashing" and " the huge yard needs to be done and trim" but you also say you "don't have the knowledge or tools for this."
The question really is what does the guardianship paperwork say? If it says this is your 'responsibility', it does NOT mean YOU have to do it or pay for it yourself. Widow or not, I would suspect most of the women on this site wouldn't have the ability to fix gutters and flashing!
Have they set up an account for you to pay for things your father needs? Is there enough to cover larger jobs or recurring tasks (yard work)? Would a repair job require requesting court approval? If your documents do not specify, I would contact the court and ask them.
If there is funding (his money) available, then it is time to start asking friends, relatives, neighbors, etc if they know people who perform these tasks. I prefer to hire help that someone else has hired and knows their ability and reliability. You can pick anyone out of a phone book (if they even still make those!) or find one online, but it is hard to know who to choose.
Also, whenever possible get multiple referrals from people you know and request quotes from the suggested people (handyman or general contractor type for the roofing.) ASK questions about specific work to be done. If you don't understand, find a friend or neighbor who can go over the proposals with you.
Generally a repair job will require some kind of deposit, and then payment in full when the job is completed to your satisfaction. Yard work would be a recurring task - you can make arrangements to have it done on a regular basis and if you don't like the work they do you can "fire" them and find someone else.
If the court hasn't allocated enough funding to do this work and/or the paperwork doesn't give you the responsibility, I would contact them and ask what it is you can do to change it. Pictures, proposal quotes for the work needed, etc, would be good to have to support you if you go in to ask them to update the documents/funding.
I would say pay for his day to day care with the aide, and maintain the household using his funds to the best of your ability but don't kill yourself. If he won't let you service the cars, don't service the cars. Let them break down as a consequence of his stubbornness.
The key is to make a plan for the upcoming crisis's that will inevitably happen due to his lack of insight to his limitations. Investigate long term care options so that when he eventually has an emergency or hospitalization and his doctors determine that he is no longer safe to be at home you have a plan in place to fall back on. Flash your guardianship paperwork to all the hospital staff and insist they involve you in all discharge planning. Give your opinion with safety concerns about him living independently. In this situation you are not making the determination around safety, the physicians make the decision based on the objective observations you provide. They can document these functional changes in the medical record which should protect you with the court.
Living situation transitions are usually easier around a hospitalization as you can use the dynamic painting the doctors as the bad guys forcing change instead of yourself. This allows you to be the good guy that is on his side helping find a good new solution.
The key is to recognize it is not your job to prevent the crisis due to his refusals for extra help. It is also not your job to make his life perfect at your own expense. If he is in a facility and complaining it is not your job to facilitate the logistics of getting him back home. For example: Someone who is safe to live independently in their own home would have the cognitive ability to contact a taxi and get themselves home without involving anyone else. It is not a prison, and the fact that most unhappy patients in a facility cannot problem solve their way out of the facility is a strong sign for the need for increased supervision. Strong boundaries around what you will and wont for do for him yourself are very important. If you are maintaining the minimum foundation of safety and hygiene while letting natural consequences take their course that is perfectly appropriate.