A bit of background. I am estranged from both my parents, they divorced decades ago. After a lifetime of abuse, it is safest for me to stay away from them. I limit visits to 3-4 times a year. I am however Mum's POA, fiscal and health, so I do have some responsibility.
I do not like Mum's partner of 26 years. Never have, never will. Well I got an email from Mum (I do not answer her phone calls) the other day and the partner has been diagnosed with dementia.
Not my problem right? I wish it were so.
Mum can only afford to live in her home with his financial contribution. She owns the house and he pays towards room and board. The other concern is that the house is open plan on the main floor with the bedrooms upstairs, no place for a bedroom on the main level if he can no longer manage the stairs. So, if he moves into AL, she will have to downsize or get a room mate at 83.
Luckily we are in Canada and AL fees are based on income, only his income will go into the calculations. But it means Mum will no longer have the extra funds she needs to stay in her home. The domino effect.
I am a long range planner and because we have no way of knowing how long partner will be able to live at home, or truly how long Mum will be able to manage the home and stairs (she is fit as a fiddle and could pass for 60), I think it is best to look at moving when there is time to consider options instead of reacting at the last minute.
I suggested to Mum that she get partner using Handi Dart (local transit for appointments etc) so he is used to it before he loses his driver's licence. Also that she get partner to assign POA (fiscal and health) to someone. Lastly to have his kids get their stored items out of Mum's house, so there is no question of who owns what later, nor any need for us to move it if Mum does downsize.
Any other suggestions of what to do in the early stages of diagnosis?
Yes I admit I am more concerned about Mum that her partner. I am worried about how his diagnosis will impact Mum's finances and lifestyle. Although Mum is 83, women in the family have lived well into their 90's before having a health crisis and dying close to 100.