Mum's geriatrician says shes still competent. Any advice?


Saw mums geriatrician today gosh hes just so nice!! (married damn it) anyway i got to speak to him alone and he said shes still competent to make her own decisions and that she will get worse soon and then it will be easier for her to decide her future? He said to keep her in with the shrinks as we will need them to evaluate her in the future and that i need them to make decisions with family.

He said theres not alot they can do until she proves shes a danger to herself BUT if i was going to leave that NO she cannot live alone and this is where the shrinks take over?

He said something will happen as shes not taking care of herself but theres nothing you can do just be prepared for things to get worse.

He hugged me! Drooooool and said you are not alone we are all here to help BUT shes still a very competent woman in the eyes of the medical profession and we have to respect her choices for now but it will get easier for her to be placed when the illness progresses!

So ive learnt alot today i am not going to worry as if she falls or whatever theres nothing i can do but something will have to give and then it will be easier for her to be placed.

So i think things are just going to get worse before she becomes more passive?

Yep my hands are tied so we wait and see in the meantime i will have to keep records for shrinks!

He wasnt shocked about her behaviour or aggression he said yes this wll get worse before it gets better BUT if any violence then call an ambulance and she will be placed and sectioned almost immediately.

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My friends mum had als and she told me last night that her aggression escalated so much before she had a stroke that they were already looking at homes then. The stroke just made it easier to get her in willingly then she had a massive stroke and never recovered from that.

Anyway ive told them all whats going on here so at least they know now and if something happens to her they are aware of it.

On top of everything else we have to be so careful of abuse so best they know what ive been through and what shes like before she ever accuses me of anything!
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Sorry Pam i have to explain here that mum has to be deemed "incompetent" by 2 shrinks and her gp before she can be forced into a home if we have to get a court order? also same applies for POA she has to be "competent" for me to get POA. It is not easy to get someone into a NH against their will here it has to be done through the courts and a judge decides BUT it will not come to that im sure. Mum is just running on pure luck lately something will happen then we can do something in the meantime i will keep records for the shrinks on her daily behaviour!
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Yeh i know Pam its all a bit wierd? BUT you cannot put someone in a NH against thier will? he agreed with the aggression and said its part of her illness he did say that her behaviour is a job for the shrinks so now i will hound them and ask them to properly access her. I told him she was an amazing actress he said yes but ive had better!!! I think he is basically saying which is what i expected that if i am to leave she has to go into a NH but he thinks? she may actually decide that herself he may or maynot know something i dont?

anyway i have to tackle the shrinks now and get them to sort out her behaviour her GP is useless and afraid now as the big wigs are involved! She was a right sweetie today BARF but they were not fooled.

I tell you as long as there is a body here looking after her then they cannot move on this as lets face it shes getting 24/7 care and it dosnt cost the Gov much. She will get more care when i leave but like ive said its really family who decide on a NH so tough times ahead but who knows maybe the next fall will scare her?

Im not happy BUT ive decided not to worry anymore as its making me sick. Nothing can be done here until i have the finances to leave and that wont be until Oct. Then and only then im wasting my time with these docs until mum does something drastic.

As long as she knows who she is where she is etc then shes competent and her memory is fantastic!!

Off to Spain next week and put it behind me until i get back then start some fun with the shrinks as i thought they were useless!

So the geriatrician can assess the dementia AND the shrinks will deal with the behaviour issues then she must attend the diabetic clinic regularly which she wont do but all i can do is try?

Im done just drained from it all and get more help and support from this site thankgod we are intelligent and well experienced here isnt it!!!
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Oh kazza, It is wonderful to hear you sound so positive and in control. What a long journey, and what an amazing job you have done. I am so proud of youj. Well done
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She's competent but she cannot live alone? She's aggressive? Good grief what does the psychiatrist say? Exactly what are they taking over? The medications? With proper medications, there should be control of aggression, but not the confusion, or balance issues. With Alzheimer's, there is the wandering activity, getting lost. At least alert 911 to her condition along with your immediate contact information. And don't count on her telling you if she fell, so that means frequent checks for bruises.
The angry phase can be months or extend into years. Remember that holding hands and an arm around her may be enough to calm her. Harold would calm down if I hugged him. Eventually he could not speak, but hugs would take away his anxiety, reassure him that he was OK. An affectionate dog always has a positive effect too. Godspeed.
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Kazza, sorry he's not seeing things the way you are, but glad he's seeing the progression. But I think he's telling you that calling the ambulance when she has an emergency is the right voursr. DON'T TRY TO LIFT HER IF SHE FALLS. If she leaves the cooker on, call whatever the equivalent of 911 is. Be safe, be strong.
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